A Lice Story

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My wife and I have been happily married for four years now. We met in high-school, and I was madly in love with her ever since. I love her smile. Her bit crooked front teeth. I love her big, brown eyes. I love her long, thick, dark hair that reaches her lower back. I love her ears, when I get to see them. I love every single bit about her, and I hope she feels at least half the same things for me. I didn’t think I could ever love anything more than I love her, but I was mistaken.
Three years ago, Katelyn, our beautiful daughter was born. She took all of her mother’s greatest features – those round eye, that thick, dark hair. I love her even more than her mother, and I’d do anything to protect her.

This story begins a few days ago, when Katelyn’s kindergarten teacher called. “Hello, good evening. Is this Owen?” she asked. “Yes, whom is it speaking?”. “Hello, I’m Katelyn’s kindergarten teacher. I just wanted to let you know that a few parents already have informed me that they’ve found lice in their children’s hair.” “Lice? Okay… And what am I supposed to do with that information?” “Well um.. Mr. Owen, I just wanted to inform you that, so you wouldn’t be surprised should you find lice in your daughter’s hair. Also, the kindergarten would be closed tomorrow for cleaning and maintenance. So we expect all parents to get rid of their children’s lice in two days time, so we can all return to a safe and clean work environment.” “Oh wow… that’s a lot. Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Thank for uh.. letting us know.” “No problem. Mr. Owen. I’m sorry for the inconvenience this may cause.” “No problem. Tomorrow happens to be my wife’s day off, so it should be manageable.”

“Nad! Katelyn’s teacher just called!” I called for my wife, who answered me as she walked downstairs. “Well, that can’t be good. What did she want?”
“Well, she said two things: one, the kindergarten’s closed tomorrow.”
“Well that’s great actually, it’s my day off,” answered my wife Nadia, rather happily.
“Well… the second thing is, there have been lice going around in the kindergarten and that’s why it’s closed tomorrow.”
“Oh god, that’s terrible. Wait… I think I saw Kate scratch her head a lot lately…”
“Yeah well, we gotta deal with it. I’ll run down to the store and get some things and then we’ll handle it.”
“Stop. What do you mean “some things?”.”‘
“I don’t know… hair cutting things I guess?”
“Owen!! You jerk! You really think we’re going to cut our daughter’s hair?”
“Well that seems like a practical solution.”
“Practical solution my ass! I’ll never forgive my mom for cutting my hair like a boy in the first grade. Here’s what you’re gonna get: just this really expansive lice removal shampoo, and that’s it. Get two bottles, I think I’ll also need it,” she says while scratching the back of her head.
“Now that you’re saying, I might also need some,” I say, scratching the top of my head.
“No… I think two bottles should be enough.”

I quickly went to the nearest pharmacy, and sure enough, they had that. One bottle is 40$. Sheesh. They have a discount, two for 70$. I look at my wallet: 78$ left. On my way out, I grab a can of shaving cream and a razor. I have my beard trimmer at home, so that’s just like plan C for me.

“Oh you got two bottles? That great Honey! I’ll go and shampoo her right away,” my wife said excitedly.
Fifteen minutes later, she comes back. “The good news, I got at least half of them out, and I’ve only used about half a bottle’s worth of shampoo. The bad news, there are still a lot of lice left on her head. My poor baby…”
“Well, that’s great! You’re gonna do it again tomorrow?”
“Yeah, but now it’s your turn.”
“Are you sure you’re gonna have enough shampoo left for yourself?”
“Oh, I thought we had other plans for you?”
“What do you mean by that?,” I asked, while combing the front of my hair back with my hand. My hair has always been on the longer side, about 4-5 inches in length.
“Well what did you get shaving cream for?”
“Oh that was uhh… plan D at best.”
“Shut up and men up, you’re going bald. And stop scratching your damn head, jeez.”

“Well this is my beard trimmer. You see, it has those plastics, it’s for different lengths.”
“Oh, I see… cool!” Just as she finished that sentence, she turned the machine on and drove it straight through my forehead, no guard.
“Have you lost your mind?!”
“Well, honey, look at how much lice you have…”

I let her continue in silence. She first finished the top, and laughed at me for looking like Dr. Phil. I still didn’t know how it looked because hair kept getting into my eyes. Then she finished with the sides, and the back, and there really wasn’t much left on my head.
“Oh my god it feels so nice to touch!” she exclaimed. “Like a nice stubble.”
“Well that was fun, now I’m gonna get a shower and go to sleep.”
“Oh no, Owen, it seems to me like there is still plenty place for lice to live… good thing you bought that nice cream and razor!”
Nadia put some cream on my head, and spread it out with her hands. Feeling her touch me like that made me… think things. After some time, it was spread out evenly and she opened the razor packaging.

Soon, she pushed the razor to my scalp. Crunch. It burned a little, and felt like a strong scratch. After making a few more passes, she blown air to the naked area of my scalp. “Did you feel that?” she asked, giggling. “Yes, and it was very cold.” “Well, better get used to that.”
After a few minutes of this, she grabbed a fresh towel, and gently wiped my head with it. That gentle touch of hers felt very good on my naked head.
“There!” Nadia exclaimed as she handed me a mirror. “What do you think?”
Looking back at me was a very odd looking man. Firstly, he was completely bald. Good thing I still have my beard, I though, otherwise I’d look like an endless loop of face. I moved my head slightly, and in every direction, there seemed to be nothing on my head. I touched it, and it felt smoother than my wife’s hands. Then, Nadia put her delicate hands on my naked head, and felt it all over.
“My god, it feels so good!” she shouted. Quickly, we were in bed.
That so familiar smell of sweat and shampoo filled the room as we made love. My head felt really weird against the pillow. Something in what my wife did to me earlier awakened something in me, and it seems that also in her.

On my way to work the next day, my head really burned from the morning sun, and I felt like I looked like a tomato by the time I got to the office. A lot of people commented on my new hair-do. Some just slapped my head. Some say I had it coming for years now, and they don’t understand why I didn’t do it sooner. I mean, it’s not like I was balding or anything.
Some of my younger colleagues started to act weirder around me, like they respected me more or something.

Upon returning home, I saw a really exhausted Nadia sleeping on the couch with her hair in plastic wrap, making her look like some African queen. Not wanting to wake her up, I slowly and silently went to take a shower and change clothes. The shower water felt so good on my head, and I didn’t even need to use shampoo, which made me think about all the money I’d be saving for the foreseeable future. When I finished, I went back to the living room and silently watched some TV until Nadia woke up.
“Um.. what time ish it?” Nadia asked, half-asleep.
“It is… 6.30. What are you all so tired for?”
“Ugh. I slept for only half an hour.”
“So? How is our daughter?”
“She’s good. I got everything out of her hair. No more lice.”
“That’s great! What about you?”
“Well, I only got about a third of a bottle of shampoo left.”
“What about the other bottle?”
“I used it all up, one third is all that’s left.”
“Well, I’m afraid we can’t really afford a new one.”
“I know honey. That’s why I wrapped my head in plastic. They say it chokes out the lice.”
“And? Does it work?”
“I don’t think so. And I… don’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve only got a third bottle’s shampoo left. There’s no way it’ll be enough for me.”
“Well… seeing as how I lost all of my hair, wouldn’t it be fair for you to at least cut it?”
“Owen! I can’t believe you would even suggest that!”
“Oh come on, you didn’t even give me a choice! Plus, we clearly can’t afford another shampoo bottle. Maybe it’s time for you to grow the hell up and cut your hair!”
“What do you mean grow up?! What, do you want me to get a haircut like one of those karens? All of those white moms with their short hair and bad attitude?”
“I didn’t say that, I’m just saying that cutting it to your shoulder may not be such a big deal.”
“Well… I guess we have to. Were are we gonna get scissors?”
“Oh we can just use my bird trimmer, it’s no biggie.”

Now we were in the bathroom. “So I cut it to about here?” I positioned my hand between my wife’s chin and her neck. “No! that’s too short. Cut it here,” she said, holding her arm at her collar bone. “Okay.”
I turn my trimmer on. Nadia jumps a little. “Put your hair back,” I tell her, and she does without a word. I start cutting across. Bzzz. A big lump of hair falls. Bzzzzzz. More and more hair ends up on the bathroom floor. It seems to me about 10 inches in length. Bzzzzzzz. “All done!”
Nadia doesn’t look in the mirror. She first takes a look at the floor. “Oh my god…”
She strokes her hair and puts it to the front of her body. Upon doing that’ some of the hair just goes backwards, since it is not long enough to be kept in the front by itself. “My hair…”
“Well, I think it looks great, honey,” I say to my wife, stroking her hair. It feels so soft to the touch. “I think I have another idea.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just follow my lead,” I tell Nadia while taking a chunk of her hair to the front of her face, and making sure that enough of it is up there. Once enough hair is gathered, I take my trimmer and once again run it across, this time the length is about half an inch above her eyebrows. “Here, now it’s perfect.”
Nadia finally takes a look in the mirror. In there, she sees a beautiful woman with hair that ends just grazing her collar bone. That woman also has thick bangs, that hide her forehead and give her face the perfect frame. “Owen… I uh… I barely recognize myself. You did a great job, honey. I love you.”
Granted, I didn’t do that good of a job. When looking at her from the front, the hair appeared to be cut in a straight line, and the bangs were actually really straight. The back however… was really crooked. I appeared like a y=1/3x graph. “I hate to break it to you, but uh… we’re not done yet. It’s still crooked from the back.”
Possibly unaware of the situation, or just purely optimistic and believing in me thanks to how good the bangs ended up, Nadia did not panic, and just said “Okay, so just cut it a bit shorter and straighten it!”.
I put her hair behind her and turn the trimmer on once more. This time, I work much quicker, and start from the shorter side. At it’s shortest, the hair reaches about an inch down from her jaw. I start from there. Bzzz. Seems good, straight enough. Bzzzzzzz. “There. Shake your head a little for me.” Uh-oh. Now it’s too short on the other side, ending at about her earlobe. That’s really a lot shorter than she agreed to. At this point, I’m either a dead man by tomorrow or a forever bald man. “Okay… just hold still…”
Starting at the earlobe side, I once again start buzzing. Bzzzzz. I stop to make sure I’m not fucking it up again. Bzzzzzz. “And now it perfect! Take a look!”
This time, Nadia first looks in the mirror. “Oh my god Owen what the fuck?! I look like Dora the Explorer!” Then, she takes a look at the floor. “Oh my god… that’s so much hair.”
I take a look at my wife. I don’t think I ever felt so attracted to her. She plays around with her new short bob. “You know what… I might actually like it.”
“You look stunning, honey.”
“You also look quite good with your new no-haircut. Who knew we’d end up looking like such parents after our daughter had lice?”
“Yeah. Poor Kate.”
“Anyway, I’ll go take a shower and actually use this shampoo.”

We end up having the best shower sex we ever had. All the while Nadia held my bald head with her hands wife open, and I rather enjoyed pulling on what was left on her head.

The next day, a few people failed to recognize me at work, and I wondered if Nadia had experienced similar things. After picking up Katelyn, I came home to find Nadia yet again with that weird plastic on her head.
“What up honey?”
“Well, Owen, I don’t think I got rid of all the lice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, at first, people really complimented me on my haircut, and I felt really confident. But throughout the day, my head scratched like crazy, an by noon my boss took me to the side and said to me that it’s obvious I still have lice, and that she wouldn’t want other people in the company affected by it. So, she told me to go home and solve it by tomorrow, or else she’d fire me.”
“What? That seems a bit extreme. Fire someone over such a mundane thing?”
“Well, Owen, you know she doesn’t really like me. You know I barely even got this job. We can’t afford to have me fired now, can we?”
“I’m afraid not… So? What are we gonna do?”
Without saying a word, Nadia pointed her finger to my head. I looked back at her, puzzled. “Well… maybe a bit longer,” she said.
“Are you sure? I mean, you’re my wife and you’ll be beautiful no matter what.”
“So I’ll be beautiful with a buzzcut. C’mon, I’ll wait in the bathroom.”
From my years of knowing Nadia, once her mind was set on something, nothing could change it. I changed my clothes and picked up my trimmer.

“Now my trimmer has a few guards. #2, which is a quarter of an inch, which is what I usually use for my beard, #4 which is half an inch, #6 which is 3/4 of an inch and #8 which is a full inch. Which one would you pick?”
“Well, your beard is quite full, so a quarter of an inch is probably a lot. I think #4 should look good enough.”
“Nadia, #4 is really short. You will only have about half an inch of hair left. Yesterday you had 17 inches of hair on your head. Are you really sure about this?”
Nadia lingered for a minute, eyeing the guards. “Which one did you say is #4?”
“This one,” I pointed my finger at the second to left one.
“Great,” she answered, and immediately took the trimmer and put the guard on. Then, without time for me to response, she turned it on and put it to her forehead, with her bangs the first to go with that familiar buzzing sound from before. Only now the buzz was much more violent, as if the machine had a really hard time chewing through that thick hair of hers. In a few moments she reached the top of her head, leaving only a small stubble behind. I couldn’t believe my eyes. “What are you just gonna stand there and stare? Grab it and start shaving me you idiot.”
So I did. At first a bit trembling. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. Buzz after buzz, and soon, her bangs were entirely gone. Later, the entire top of her hair, leaving merely half an inch of hair there. “Heh, who’s Dr. Phil now?”
“Shut up, bald man.”
Soon after, I finished with the sides. I really had to hold her head some of the time to get it right. Shaving the hair there, her wonderful, big ears came to the light. “Shit, I forgot how much I hate my ears.”
The hardest bit was the back. The hair there was the thickest, but after a long enough battle it too went down.
I turned the trimmer off. With it still in my hand, I took a look at the floor. “What are you staring at, Owen?”
“Just look at it. It could be a great pillow.”
“Well, it’s gone now. Stop looking at it for christ’s sake.” Nadia went to the kitchen and got a trash bag, and slowly scooped her hair in there. I just now realized she hadn’t took one good look in the mirror. I rubbed my hand on her hair. It felt spikey, but soft. “Don’t you wanna see yourself?”
And then she did. And to my surprise, she didn’t cry. She just smiled, and didn’t say a word. We stood there for a good few minutes, looking at ourselves in the mirror. Me with my bald head, and her with her shining buzzcut, and I felt like we were more beautiful than we ever were.
Stroking my head with her soft hand, Nadia said “hmm… Your hair seems to have grown a little. Where do you keep your cream?”


And so, a few years passed, and I never grew my hair again. Nadia kept on shaving my head every few days, and she never let me grow it out. She said that if I did, I would end up having more hair than my wife, and that wouldn’t make any sense. With time, there was less and less hair to shave, and my head got somewhat tan.

Nadia never grew her hair past her cheeks. She ended up keeping that buzz cut for about a year, and then grew it out into a very cute pixie cut by the time our son Jacob was born. She learned to like her ears, and she never let her hair hide them again. She got her head buzzed by me a few times since, notably once when Jacob had lice.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading! Any bit of feedback would be greatly appreciated! This story is the product of a few days of me having Covid and not seeing the outside world, so any human interaction would be great.

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