Quackadilly Blip
Joy took a break from scrolling on her phone when she heard the sound of the dogs barking and the garage door opening. Troy was home. She greeted him at the door with a kiss, as she always did.
“How was your day?” She asked
“You would not believe the shit that happened at work today.” Troy excitedly blurted out. “You know Mike? The sales guy? So we’re in a meeting with a regional VP today, and out of nowhere, he just gets up, tells all the bosses to go fuck themselves and walks out. Just for seemingly no reason.”
“Holy shit! The things I miss out on working from home… Why do you think he did that?” She inquired.
“I dunno, just answering the call of the void I guess.” he shrugged.
“What’s the ‘call of the void’?”
“You know, it’s like a type of intrusive thought I guess, like something that you know would have huge consequences and would be a bad idea, but you still keep thinking about doing it, like… well… like telling your boss to go fuck himself in the middle of a meeting would be a good example of that”. Troy explained
“That sounds like more of a mental breakdown”.
“Well yeah, you don’t actually… do it, but everyone has some sort of call of the void like that”.
“So do you think about standing up in the middle of a meeting and telling your boss to go fuck himself?”
“No, that’s just an example. Plus I have nothing against Trevor, he’s one of the better bosses I’ve had”.
“Ok, then what’s yours?”
Troy paused for a bit and answered “I was actually thinking about that on the drive home. This is going to sound weird… ok so you know how I had really long hair in high school? I thought it looked badass and was proud of it, but I’d get a lot of shit from some of the older, more conservative faculty members. Stuff like, telling me if I ever got detention, they’d give me a crew cut, called me young lady or ma’am on purpose… which is kinda ironic, since those are the same old school Texas shitheads who, 20 years later, would refuse to use female pronouns for someone who actually wanted them to. Anyway, got off topic a little, but that’s probably why this started. When I had long hair, I used to always see my brother’s beard trimmer on the bathroom counter, and just look at it like… what if I just took the guard off this and pushed it right down the middle of my hair. That’s sort of what I did when I cut my hair short before the last week of senior year, except I chickened out of actually shaving it and just hacked it off with scissors and went to a barber shop to have it cleaned up. I still have that thought all the time though, even though I haven’t had long hair in over a decade.”
Joy laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“You just described the intrusive thought that every woman has?”
“Seriously? I didn’t know that was such a common thing, have your girlfriends told you that or something?” Troy reacted with surprise
“Well, no, I mean I’ve read like reddit comments and TikToks about how other women who also have that thought constantly, so I guess I just assume everyone else does and not just me”.
“Oh, so you think about just shaving all your hair off too sometimes?”
She laughed again. “You ever notice how sometimes you leave your beard clippers sitting out on the bathroom counter and then they somehow wind up shoved at the back of a drawer… yeah, I’ve come close.”
“Oh wow, I didn’t know that. I suppose I do wonder how they got back there sometimes… so I’ve gotta ask, what stops you?”
“Seriously? I mean, what would people at work think? What would my friends think? And obviously, what would YOU think?”
“Well, can’t speak for everyone else, but what would I think? I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and that’s completely unrelated to your hair. I’m not saying you should do it or not, but just know that to me, you’d be gorgeous bald or with hair to the floor or with a purple mohawk.”
“Aww, you’re so sweet.” She kissed him again.
A few days later
Troy had made a reservation at a trendy steakhouse for Joy’s 31st birthday. They still had a little over an hour before they had to leave. He had already evened out his beard, put some styling gel in his hair and thrown on a nice button down, and sat on the bed scrolling on his phone while Joy was still applying her make up. She hadn’t even started on her hair.
“Hey Troy” she called out to him. He looked up from his phone and looked at her, just in time to see her pop the guard off his beard trimmer, turn it on, and push it right through the hair at the middle of her forehead. She looked at him, almost as shocked as he was, and rubbed the gap in the middle of her scalp between the waves of long, strawberry blonde locks.
“Holy shit!” he exclaimed.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I did that. Do I look ugly?” She looked like she was about to cry.
“No! No you don’t look ugly at all. In fact, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do. I can’t believe this is the same woman who, earlier today, agonized for 15 minutes over whether or not to buy a $30 decorative pillow from Home Goods.”
“I love you!” She kissed him.
“I love you too!” he said back reflexively. “Oh and one thing, you should probably tie up the rest of your hair before you cut it off so you can donate it.”
“Good call.”
Joy tied her remaining hair into two ponytails before buzzing the rest of it off, one side at a time. After Troy helped her make sure everything was even in the back, she threw him on to the bed, jumped on top of him, and they had the best sex in their five years of marriage. She’d saved so much time not having to do her hair that they didn’t even miss their dinner reservation.
At first, Joy was nervous walking into the restaurant. It was a high end place in uptown that people went to show off. She thought people would stare or make rude comments. Not only did she not get any weird looks with her almost bald head, a random woman told her she looked really pretty, and it wasn’t a backhanded comment, it seemed genuine, almost envious. Joy actually felt like she was… cool.
When they got home, Troy sensed an energy in Joy that made him think she was ready for round 2. He tried to initiate sex immediately when they got home, and was a little disappointed when she instead grabbed a towel and told him she was taking a shower. Oh well, they’d been married 5 years, so the last time they had sex twice in one night had been… 5 years ago. He changed into boxers and a T-shirt while his wife showered. It did occur to Troy that she’d been in there a little longer than usual, but he didn’t think much of it. The sound of the water finally stopped, and she stepped out a couple minutes later, wrapped in a towel.
“Whoa! Holy shit!”
Joy’s had shaved off what little stubble she had in the shower and her head was now completely bald.
“Come feel it, it’s so smooth!” She said as she rubbed it with both hands.
Troy got up and felt his wife’s hairless scalp.
“Wow, this is incredible, and you look absolutely stunning!”
Joy grinned at him and guided his hand downward, dropping her towel to the floor.
“And it’s not the only thing I shaved.”
