Don’t be tempted…

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Carol and her girlfriends were embarking on their annual women/s get-a-way when I found a somewhat disturbing text on her Ipad.

“Cant wait to see you all Saturday – We are going to blow it out next week! No kids, no spouses, no worries – fine wine and hopefully some great eye candy! Can’t we at least look? I will keep all you girls… – as the I pad died, I didn’t need to read anymore.

My wife’s annual beach girls week trip happened every year and I encouraged her to get away…  My wife was a smokin hot 58 year old who really took care or herself, raised our kids wonderfully, and was a partner for the last 30 years. But what did the text mean? I know we are not as intimate as much (if ever) … was she about to enter her proverbial “mid life crisis?

Over the years our relationship was great – with one minor exception that reared its head from time to time. Her hair. For me, the shorter clippered look looked stunning- for her, the longer, soccer mom bob was the ticket. A stay at home mom for 25 years, Carol seemed to really enjoy our life together, other than a few hair battles over the years – things seemed great.

You know, JR’s wife just dumped his ass after 40 years of marriage, she said it was time for some excitement or something, I said as we had dinner one evening.

“I heard that, and that’s really sad – Carol said as we continued our conversation and working out her trip details.

I would not go down without a fight.

“Hey babe, let’s leave a little early Saturday morning for the airport. I need to stop and get you some cash out for your trip, and you did say you needed to stop in for a few beach items at Walmart, right?

“I love you so much sweetie, and yes – that would be great, we’ll plan to leave the house around 8, our flight leaves at 12:15.” What’s the cash for, do you think we all go out to a male strip club or something” Carol said as she smiled and settled in for the night…

I stewed over the text, not even re-reading the filth – as Saturday arrived and we left for the airport. The drive was over an hour and as we got into the city, Carol reminded me that she would like to stop in to Target or Walmart for a few items. As I exited the ramp, the traffic was of course fucking awful and I could only make my way into the Walmart plaza…

Target would have been better sweetie, but Walmart will do – Sunscreen is sunscreen! ” Carol said as she stopped texting her buddies and prepared to get out.

Oh yea, texting the assholes about the “plans”for the week – I said to myself as we walked in the store.

You go get your stuff babe, I have to use the restroom, I’ll catch up with you. And with a sweet peck on the cheek, she was off – me off the the john…

As I  walked out of the restroom, an older black lady was moving a sign out front of her shop (Smartcuts) and setting up for the day.

HOLY SHIT!  Here’s my chance to prevent my Carol form falling victim to those 5 loose ass bitches she claims are her friends.

“Excuse me ma’am, my wife is shopping and may I ask a favor? She is heading out of town for a girls week. She absolutely loves her hair “super short” the whole bald nape and sides, she’s just so apprehensive about what her friends say every year when they get for their beach weekend… Can you do me a favor? She loves the low bald fade look, with a super tight flattop, much like yours – but she is always nervous about what to tell a stylist…

“Ya’ll come on in Hun’ We’ll clean her up-pay no mind to her friends — they probably just jealous anyway!”

We paid for the few items in the self checkout and then I dropped the bomb.

“Hey sweetie, why don’t you get a good clean up around your neckline – you know how it looks when you get a tan and then get a haircut. I think we’re getting haircuts when you get back right?” Silence… I don’t think we have time to head back north to (Cliabornes’) her usual spot for a haircut…

No worries sweetie… I don’t think you need a full cut, just a trim around the ears and neckline before your trip – I know how you hate the post haircut after you’ve been in the sun -the smart choice place is open, lets check if they have a stylists that can fit you in?”

Smart Choice was the salon inside the Walmart and had no customers as we walked up to the counter. Walking in – Carol was ushered straight to an empty chair, and a white cape was placed around her neck. The stylist walked over and was a different lady than I had spoke with moments before. She was an African American lady, a bit older, and seemed very pleasant right from the start. Her hair was super short, buzzed to the skin on the back and sides, with the most amazing looking flat top cut on top, a Bridgett Neilson look for sure.

“How we cuttin your doll?” the stylist said as she grabbed a pair of huge clippers and began to pump up the chair.

“oh, just a real light trim, I’m heading out of town and will be at the beach for a week or so, so just a real light touch up… Carol said as she sat perfectly still in the chair.

“You know girl” as the barber started to turn the chair away from the mirror, “I got the same group of mouthy friends as you do, all of them with those darn extensions and weaves – always telling me to grow my hair – I believe we both wear our styles wonderfully, don’t you girl?”

And with a few more pumps of the chair, and a slight push on Carols crown, the barber began to slowly run the loud clippers up Carols neckline – about 3/4 way up her scalp. Left was a shiny bald, nape, with only a bit of stubble. She continued slowly- up and down, for what seemed to be 20 minutes or so. As she racked the clippers, Carol was spun around and now could face the mirror.

The phone rang at the counter and the barber excused herself and walked over to the counter.

Carol tilted her head left, right, left again and motioned for me to walk over. My mind was racing. How or what was she going to say?

“Feel this shit” as she rubbed her nape several times, running her hand over the fuzz that only a triple 000 blade could leave.

“I know babe, as I rubbed her nape and sides… “Tell the barber to clean you up real good with her foil razor, the one sitting on the counter. I said pointing to a large electric razor -the type I use to really clean up after shaving at home.

Just then, Carol was again spun facing the mirror and with a quick shot of water mist on the top of her hair, her barber began drying the top as if to make it stand up – wild and unruly.

Upon returning. Carol’s top was reduced to no more than an 1/8 of an inch, squared at the top. And with that, and a quick look at the mirror in a 360 degree view, the barber asks what I feel is the Iconic after haircut comment

“Short enough hun?” as she slowly turned the chair to reveal to Carol a high bald fade, with the tightest squared to ever…

As she began to remove the cape, I shot a quick text and Carol peered under the cape as she always did – she’s a damn phone addict!

“Don’t forget the electric razor sweetie” – as she read the text and dropped her head.

“I do love the haircut, can you do me a favor though?” Can you clean up the neckline with your electric razor, I really like the smooth feel towards the bottom.”

“Oh hun, I do as well – hold tight” as she fired the razor up and began a 3 or 4 minute scalping of CAROL’S nape and ear area. And with a quick shot with the blow dryer, she left the chair and we met at the counter to pay.

“I don’t have any cash babe, can u just use your card?” I said as Carol paid – and we walked out. “I know it’s a bit shorter than what you would have liked, but I really feel that a super short haircut will keep you from straying while on your trip. You know, I did see the text you sent last evening – the whole eye candy deal!!”

“oh you mean this text? , We are going to blow it out next week! No kids, no spouses, no worries – fine wine and hopefully some great eye candy! Can’t we at least look? I will keep all you girls in check you bunch of wild asses. I believe I’m the only one of us that actual loves their husband enough not to blame everything on the alcohol!





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