It’s a unisex barbershop

I had been working at Jeff’s Unisex Barbershop for little over a year by this point, seen many an interesting customer with many different haircuts and textures. Some people had curly hair, others straight. I was starting to get jaded with all the different textures and colors people walked in with. Being the only unisex place in the middle of The Big Nowhere, a lot of the local alt, grunge, punk, ponk, pank, goth, moth people came here to get their stuff done because we don’t judge people for being different, or at least I don’t.

It was a normal boring day in a boring shop filled with boring music. The local radio station; JZLX; ninety-one point five jay zee el exx!~ Ugh.. I hate how catchy that jingle is – mostly plays the top 40 crap everyone has already heard before, though sometimes that song by that young gay black man comes on. But it’s been butchered by censors, so I really hate it. It’s supposed to be the expression of an artist that has been systematically oppressed by just about everyone. But no, it contains the fuck word, so it has to be chopped up, watered down, and made palatable for general audiences. It’s a damn shame.

My angry internal monologuing was snipped short by the dingle of the bell above the door, and in that door stood a fairly short but wide woman, turtleneck sweater; lavender, a cute skirt that reached just above the floor; dark purple, cute autumny boots, and her hair was in short but thick pigtails at the base of her nape. The tails splayed out a bit but looked so incredibly cute with her round face and big glasses.

The cutie’s own rather boring hair contradicted my own style, my hair was a curly mess that did whatever it wanted, it enveloped most of my shoulders and often cascaded down and covered the left half of my face, my hair looked like it ate people. Finally, the short little nugget of a geek spoke up “Uhh hello?” her voice was so quiet and soft you’d think she only spoke to the forest critters.. “Do you guys take walk ins?” I wanted to take her voice and put it on a little pillow it was so precious. “Oh yeah, we do, come on in” I gestured her towards the empty barber chair in front of a large mirror and counter full of devices and tools, my new friend sat down gracefully and got comfy.

I stood behind her and put my hands on her shoulders, which made her jump a small amount, but I remained firm in my gentle pressure. My long curls cascaded down my shoulders and seemed twice as big as.. “Okay so, gotta ask, what’s your name?” I asked, interrupting my own thoughts. “Oh, I’m Marron, nice to meet you..” Marron’s voice was a little more ‘there’ this time, maybe she was warming up to me finally. “Well Marron, it’s nice to meet you!” I tried to be friendly as to not put Marron on the defensive when it comes down to vibes. My long fluffy curls seemed twice as big as Marron’s rather humble style. Her hair was still gorgeous in its own right; dark brown, thick, very soft.

I removed her hair from the pink restraints that kept it in place, her hair filling back into a rather fetching bob, it was kind of boring, but that’s why she’s here, I suppose. Leaning in closer to Marron so I could hear her better over the synth remix of an encore song that got really popular. I tousled her hair a bit to get a feel for how it moved and behaved.

Straight as an arrow that curled out slightly at the end, liked to hug her face and hid her ears very well. I start mentally narrowing down some style suggestions for her before I asked the big question. “So, hon, what are we doing with this?” I swooshed Marron’s hair up at the end of the question playfully. “I uh- uhm uhh hh-” Marron began to stammer and blush, it was vaguely obvious she liked having her hair played with.. Leaning into her a bit more, now my hair was gently brushing up against Marron’s shoulder. “Gimme something to work with, honey.” Now I’m getting all hushed, Marron’s energy felt like she was about to bolt and run all the way to the other side of the planet.

I didn’t exactly want a potential shorn cutie to just up and bolt on me, so I had to be tacti-cool. Marron looked at herself in the mirror again, she was looking at her hair, then my hair. Then she looked back to meet my eyes in the mirror. “I dunno.. what would you recommend?” it felt like she was climbing over a mountain to say that. But this was progress. “WELL.” I started, I always loved being a little dramatic when choosing a client’s new haircut.

“I think we definitely need to go a bit.. shorter.” I held a lock of Marron’s hair in one hand, noting just how soft and thick it is. “But how short are you willing to go? Just like a trim, or?” I flash a look to the pair of clippers on the wall, Marron followed my gaze and got slightly tense under my hand. Marron looked down into her lap, avoiding my gaze but getting redder and redder. Something in that cute little head of hers was getting her neurons all activated. “W-well.. my uhh… my… girlfriend..-” Marron said the word ‘girlfriend’ so quietly it was almost inaudible. “She.. uh.. she likes women with shaved heads.. so..” Marron seemed to surprise herself with how easily she enunciated the shaved heads bit. I look at Marron dead in the eyes via the mirror.

“So. You wanna just shave all this off then?” I tousle Marron’s hair again. “I- well.” Marron began, her thoughts interrupting her speech. Walking over to my clippers, I take them off the hook then I casually walk behind Marron again. “What kind of buzzcut does the missus like?” I ask casually, trying to hint that I’m totally okay with Marron being a lesbian without outright saying it. “UH. WELL.-” Marron’s voice was so not used to that much energy, it cracked like a prepubescent teen trying to sound tough, except it was cute because it came out of an adult woman. “She’s into.. smooth.. b-but I-I don’t want to be… bald in public.. eheh hhh.” I take this small moment to snap on a number three guard onto my clippers. The plastic attachment goes on with a loud click.

“This’ll give you a nice amount of fuzz, so you won’t leave here bald. You’ll also still have enough hair for the missus to shave..” I didn’t know if Marron’s girlfriend would shave her head bald, but given the information, I didn’t doubt it. “uhh.. I-I mean you’re the professional..” Marron shifted in the seat, bingo, I won, no turning back now. I grab a long white cape from a hook and a paper strip. I apply the strip first, making sure it wasn’t too tight, then the cape gets swooshed over her with a dramatic flip. With a few quick snaps, Marron is caped up and one step closer to being shorn. Taking one of the pink hair ties that once secured a pigtail, I gather all of Marron’s hair into one ponytail at the center of her nape, then I wield the clippers.

“You ready, hon?” I asked, not wanting to start shaving off Marron’s tresses until she was ready. Marron looked at herself in the mirror and then back at me. “I’m ready!” she squeaked. I then flick on my clippers, the gentle hum of the device filling the shop, then I bring the blades to the top of Marron’s ponytail. Without another word I slowly plunge the device through her thick locks, the audible buzz of shearing filled the shop as the ponytail slowly came loose and the now freed locks drifted down over Marron’s face.

The buzzing ceased and was replaced with the gentle hum once the ponytail was off Marron’s head and firmly in my hand. I set the severed tail down on the counter in front of Marron. “No turning back now, sweetheart.” I say, lining up a straight down the middle pass over Marron’s head, Marron stared at what was about to happen in the mirror.

I gently push the clippers into Marron’s choppy mane, that hoarse shearing buzz returned as those soft tresses were reduced to fuzz only a fourth of an inch long. The shaven locks tumbled off of Marron’s head and onto her shoulders and lap. “So, this is a number three buzz-” I said, silently hoping Marron would take it shorter.. “We can pop a shorter guard on if you want or stick with this.” I swoosh my curly locks behind my shoulder, desperately trying to control them. “O-oh.” Marron stammered; she was looking at the small patch of buzz fuzz on her head from all angles. “Let’s do this..” Marron finished. Solidifying her choice with the number three buzz.

I waste no time getting back to shaving her head, more and more of her brown locks tumbled off her head and onto the cape. The hoarse buzzing only stopping when I withdraw my clippers from the ravaged mane, only to be plunged back in to shear off more and more hair.

Eventually the top of Marron’s head is shaved down to a perfect fuzzy pelt. Turning the chair to face away from the mirror now, the movement of the chair sending a few errant locks of hair tumbling into the main piles. I gently push the clippers up Marron’s nape, the choppy remains of the back of her bob fall away and reveal the same cute fuzz that’s on the top of her head. More and more tufts of hair fall away, and the hoarse buzzing continued to drone on. More and more of Marron’s hair was on the floor rather than her head.

Once the back of Marron’s head is buzzed down, I organically move on to the right side, sending longer tresses on the side of her head down to the floor. They cascade off the business end of the clippers like a dark cocoa waterfall, joining the fluffy mass in her lap. Then I shave down the left side, the same amount of hair gets clipped off and flows into the lap pile. After some ancillary buzzing to make sure the buzzcut was properly shaped I flick off my clippers, set them down, and equip the blowdryer. I set it to warm and give Marron’s head a quick blast of warm air, the sudden domesticated wind sends locks and tufts tumbling off of Marron’s shoulders and onto the floor.

I rub her head while I blast it with air to make sure no little clippings linger after I’m done. Eventually I set down the blowdryer and grab the little duster thing, making sure Marron’s neck is clear of rebel clippings. I unfasten the cape and paper strip and whisk it off of her, sending the pile of shaven locks that resided in her lap to the floor, despite only having a bob, there was a surprising amount of hair everywhere. “Bam, what do we think?” I ask Marron, who’s been dreadfully silent this whole time. “Oh sorry I uh. zoned out.. I do that sometimes..” Marron then looked at her new buzzcut, rubbing her hands all over it. “Oh it’s so! soft!” it was so cute to see Marron sound happy. She stood up and equipped her purse. “How much do I owe you?” she asked, her voice was still small and slight, but had more confidence. “Bout ten bucks..” I said, having a twenty thrust into my hands. “Please keep the change!” Marron said before scooting out and disappearing back into the small town of Nowhere.

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