Hallmark Channels Christmas at the Barber’s Pole

Author’s Note: this story relates to the challenge in the forum to write a Hallmark Christmas Movie-like story. It is graphic so read no further if that isn’t your cup of tea. Also, just to further poke fun at the Christmas rom-coms I tried to work in as many terms as I could for taking it up the ol’ poop shoot just to amuse myself.

Christmas at the Barber’s Pole

Located in the fashion and beauty Mecca of the world, Helena, Wyoming is the world headquarters for MegaCuts Corp.  It’s Monday morning, December 22nd and the weekly leadership meeting is in progress. “Lindsay, I need you to go and personally oversee the opening of our new MegaCuts salon in Buttehole, Kansas. There’s been some resistance in accepting us in Buttehole, so I need my best person to go down there and show them that it’s not such a bad thing. It could get messy so I need you there”.

“But Bob, it’s three days till Christmas! I was looking forward to spending the holidays with my four cats, not stuck in Buttehole.”

“I have faith in you. You’ll have it all cleaned up in no time flat and then you can come relax with Dildo and your other three cats.”

Lindsay arrives in Butthole later that day and after a hard day of traveling just wants to get to the only Buttehole hotel and get checked in. The town was coated in several inches of snow, the frigid winter chill causing her to hurry down the lane but the slush on the sidewalk making it a challenge for her diva sized suitcase. She was surprised by the rough Buttehole winds, but with them came the smell of Christmas. Her long blonde hair blowing behind her as it cascaded out of her red beanie and down to her waist. It is what most say is her best feature, and with her big baby blue eyes, perky round C cups, and athletic body she is the complete package. Yet, at 30 years old she still has yet to find the right guy.

Finally, she reaches the Inn at Buttehole, but as she starts walking up the walkway she sees a sign, SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PLEASE COME IN THE BACK DOOR. Just great, more walking. Eventually she finds her way to front desk and is greeted by the charming inn keeper. “ Sweetie, would you like a cup of hot cup of cocoa to warm you up?”

“Yes, please! It’s colder than a witch’s…ummm…well you know what I mean “.

“Lindsay Thomas, checking in please.”

“Very well Lindsay Thomas, I’m Norma the inn keeper if you need anything. You’re in room 304 at the top of the stairs. Jake, please come help Ms. Thomas with her luggage, then Ms. Herman in 202 needs her toilet snaked and Ms. Jensen in 210 needs help packing her trunk. “

Jake emerged from the back room holding an armful of presents he carried over and placed under the tree. Lindsay couldn’t help but notice his rugged good looks as she sipped her cocoa. His dark brown hair tightly faded on the sides and really accentuated his big brown eyes beautiful smile, and chiseled jaw. He wore a red flannel shirt, unbuttoned to expose his bulging pecks under his Henley shirt. Tight jeans and hiking boots completed the look. He was in a word, hunky!

I admired my view of his tight ass as I followed him up the stairs to my room. “Here we are, 304” he exclaimed as he opened the door and held it for me, then then followed me in placing my suitcase on the luggage rack for me. “First time in Buttehole?”

“Um…yes. Can you recommend somewhere to get a bite to eat?”

“I was just heading over to the town’s tree lighting pot luck if you’d like to join me.”

They had an amazing time at the tree lighting, both sensing potential in this relationship and excited to see where it goes. As they strolled back to the Inn the conversation just seemed easy. Lindsay hadn’t thought about the stress of her current assignment all day.

“I’m curious. How did the town get its name?”

“Oh, that’s a great story. Do you see that big butte up there overlooking the town? There is a naturally occurring dam up there, and back in 1842 there was an earthquake that caused a hole to form in the dam threatening to flood the town. The townsfolk formed a line and took turns doing their part to plug the butte hole and the name just stuck.”  Dikehole had also been proposed, but some found it confusing and in the end people couldn’t get behind it like they could Buttehole.”

At the Inn, the tension was palpable but Jake, being a gentleman, parted ways wishing her a good evening and offering to let her join him and his family for Christmas Eve if she was still in town tomorrow night. She said that would be great depending on how here business went that morning.

The next morning, Christmas Eve, Lindsay awoke to the sound of geese honking outside, a far cry from the horns she was used to be awoken by. She was excited to start her day. She had a meeting with the local barbershop to present the company’s offer to buy them out, all but clinching her promotion, then she looked forward to meeting up with Jake again.

After enjoying coffee and a wonderful breakfast with the other guests at the Inn, Lindsay strolled downtown towards the barbershop taking in all the holiday decorations and snow covered scenery. She paused as she approached the barbershop getting her first look at her target. Her mission, to get the owner to sell so MegaCuts can have this prime location.

A sign above the large front window pane read The Barbers Pole, the a spinning pole to the right of the window. Inside it looked like a traditional shop with two large barber chairs with worn brown leather, black and white checkered floor tiles, old metal framed chairs with vinyl padding in the waiting area, and wood paneling on the walls.

It was early and the shop appeared to be empty. Lindsay took a deep breath and entered the shop. A bell above the door signaled her entrance.

“I’ll be with you in just a minute. I’m just finishing up brewing some coffee.”

Lindsay took a seat in the waiting area. She couldn’t help but contrast this shop with the MegaCuts salons. No harsh perm solution or cheap fragrant shampoo smells here. Instead, it was an odd combo of old leather, stale smoke, clipper oil, and aftershave. Everything looked old, faded, and well worn except the cutting tools on the counters.

A few minutes later she heard the owner coming out of the back room and stood to greet him. “Jake? What are you doing here?”

“I own this place. I just help my parents out at the Inn when they get busy. Here for a haircut?”

“Eww God no! I’d never get my haircut in a place like this…uh..I mean no, no thank you but what a lovely shop you have. “ she stammers as her cheeks turn red.

“Uh huh…so what brings you in? We aren’t scheduled to meet up till later tonight” he asks as he pours two cups of coffee and offers her one.

“Well, funny story, see, I actually work for MegaCuts and am here to make you an offer in this fine establishment“

“Save you spiel, not interested. This shop has been in our family for three generations and I’m not going to be the one to end that streak.”

“But think about what MegaCuts could do for this town. All our stylists are trained virtually by our outsourced instructors in India. Think of how much more beautiful this town could be with our well trained army of stylists descending on the hair of this town!  Be reasonable Jake!”

“Get out! Just get out!”, he bellowed as he pointed towards the door

Lindsay set her coffee cup down, turned and headed for the door, paused and looked back over her shoulder trying to find words to say, then pushed the door open and headed back out into cold.

She wandered down Main Street through the slushy snow wondering what just happened? What has she done to her relationship with Jake? What just happened to her promotion, to her career? And where the hell did Jake learn to make coffee? God that was bad!

At lunch time Jake stopped by the Inn to drop off some fudge that his customer Bob, from the fudge packing plant had dropped off for his mom. Norma could sense something wasn’t right.

“Sweetie, what’s bothering you?”

“It’s Lindsay mom. She works for MegaCuts. They want to buy grandpa’s barbershop and convert it into a big fancy salon”

“Honey, have you tried talking to her?”

“There isn’t much to say”

“Maybe she just doesn’t understand what this barbershop means to the town? Maybe you could give her the true barbershop experience so she understands what she’d be closing down?”

“It’s worth a try. Thank mom. Have you seen Lindsay lately?”

“Well, it’s lunch time so if she isn’t here she’s probably at the ol’ Stinky Weasel Diner”

Jake found her there pushing food around a plate that had hardly been touched. “Lindsay, we need to talk, but not here. Come with me.” He tossed some cash on the table and pulled her up out of the booth. She hurriedly put her coat and scarf on and followed him out the door and back to the barbershop.

He helped her with her coat and scarf and then he took both her hands and looked her in the eyes trying to find the right words to say. “Lindsay, I know you have a job to do and believe you’re doing what’s right for this town, but before you move forward I think it would be helpful for you to understand what you’d be shutting down, to experience the full barbershop experience. Will you do that, for me?”

Lindsay looked in his eyes, bit her lower lip as she considered his request, then walked towards the barbershop chair. She’d never sat in one before and wasn’t sure how to get in with the large footrest on the bottom. She awkwardly straddled the footrest, then scootched one butt cheek up onto the seat, then the other and scooted back in the chair, her skirt riding up in the process.

Her anxiety over what would come next was high, but that wasn’t the only thing she was feeling. Was that arousal? Was getting an unwanted haircut in a barbershop by a hot barber turning her on? As Jake billowed a large white barbershop cape over her she slipped a finger up her dress and into her folds and sure enough, they were slick with excitement.

He put the paper neck strip on and cinched up the cape then smoothed it out on the front and began pumping the chair higher and higher. Next he delicately began coming her long hair starting with the tips and working his way up.

“Jake, I have some great news! I spoke with my bosses and they are willing to offer you the assistant shampooer position. Isn’t that wonderful news!”

“What about saving the barbershop?”

“Oh, there is no chance of that”

As he continued combing she closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensations coursing through her body. A small purr escaped her lips.

“Yes, close your eyes and enjoy the full barbershop experience” he whispered in her ear as his hot breath on her ear sent shivers through her body.

She heard a quiet hum and felt a gentle vibration at her hairline then slowly the massager moved back over the top of her head all the way to the top of her nape, then over and over the massager went relaxing Lindsay as she slowly worked her clit with two fingers. A moan escaped her lips as the massager slowly made repeated passes over the top of her head.

“I can tell you are enjoying the barbershop experience, keep your eyes closed” he again whispered as he reached around and gently massaged the underside of her chesticles while firmly pinching her nipples. Another moan, this one louder.

Lindsay then felt a cool creamy sensation on the top of her head and part way down the back, that quickly changed to a slight burning sensation. “Jake, what’s happening?”

“Sshhhh, it’s all part of the barbershop experience. Maybe you could help me with my barber’s pole while I work”. We walked in front of her and straddled the footrest while pulling out his rock hard cock.  She leaned forward in the chair and began working the pole with enthusiasm. She  could tell by how quickly he came and the quantity of his tidings of comfort and joy she swallowed that he was excited and probably hadn’t had sex in a while. Using the cape as a napkin she daintily wiped the corners of her mouth, sat back and closed her eyes again. By this time she was just oozing Christmas spirit, so much so that she’d soaked her panties.

Jake now had a towel and was gently working it around the top and back of her head. The sensations on her scalp were too much as she frantically fingered herself until she hit her limit and climaxed in the chair. Waves of pleasure coursed through her body as she white knuckled the armrest, curled her toes, arched her back, and moaned one long moan till all the air had escaped her lungs.

Next, he pulled the long hair on the right side of her head  out to the side and she heard and felt small snips, but couldn’t tell how much he was cutting. She peaked out one eye and saw not a single lock of hair on the cape which set her mind at ease. She also noticed the holiday shoppers hustling and bustling past the window, some pointing and smiling, obviously full of holiday cheer.

He was now applying a product to hair on the side then braided it and it felt like he was working it into a spiral design. She envisioned Han Solo giving her a sexy Princess Leia style. He repeated the process in the other side then moved to the back. She could feel him working product into the hair at her nape, then pulling it straight up and making little snips.

Finally, he put his scissors down, and meticulously worked his way around her head with what must be hairspray to hold it all in place. “Are you ready to see?”

As he turned the chair back towards the mirror her mouth fell open.  She was speechless. The hair on the top of her head was gone. It looked like she’d never had a hair on her scalp, it was as white as the fallen snow. The hair on the sides of her head consisted of a braid that corkscrewed out from each side of her head. The hair from her nape stuck straight up four inches above her head then curled forward like a little title wave. And all of her blonde hair was now candy cane red.  There was no hair on the cape, but the piles of blonde hair on the sides and in front of the chair were massive.  And there on the counter sat balding clippers, a jar of Mohawk heavy hold paste, a bottle of permanent hair remover, and a can of red hair coloring spray. The first thought that came to her mind is “I look like Cindy-Lou-Who-The-Hell -Did -That-To-Your-Hair!”

“Do you want to know what I think of MegaCuts offer?” Jake asked as he walked over to a Christmas decoration, and plucked off a sprig of mistletoe. He pulled down his pants and underwear, held the mistletoe with his thumb and forefinger up to his asshole, bent over looking at her upside down from between his legs and said,”you can pucker up and kiss it MegaCuts!”

The end