Tacky and Upsetting
1
Jimmy was shaking in the backseat of the car. There were four other people in it, and none of them were his friends.
He’d learned all their names though – two two guys in the front were Luca and Lorenzo. Lorezno was driving. He was 40ish, buzzed short hair, stocky and had a gold tooth. Luca, the youngest, was in the passenger seat, was what his Grandpa would call a “pretty boy”. Small, slim, turtleneck, tanned and white teeth.
On either side of him in the back of the car were Julio and Gabriele. They both had little goatee beards and wraparound sunglasses, Julio was average build, Gabriele looked like a body builder. Neither were smiling.
As they pulled into the warehouse, Jimmy took a look at his “I’m 10 today!” badge.
He was enjoying his birthday party, until Luca came along. Luca had met him in the game’s arcade and said there was a special birthday gift waiting for him round the back.
Luca was lying, he could see that now.
The car came to a stop at the far end of the warehouse. There was nothing in it. The beams running across the ceiling were rusty, and shafts of light came in through gaps in the wall.
Lorenzo looked at the goons in the rear view mirror.
‘OK, get the kid out of here. Then I’m gonna wipe the car down. It smells of brat.’
‘Oh, you’re wasting your time Lorenzo.’ Said Julilo. ‘We’re gonna make a whole lot of mess in a second.’
Jimmy looked up at Luca. ‘What are they gonna do to me?’
‘Just get out of the car.’ Luca said, his voice grim.
It was Gabriele who pulled him out. ‘Siddown.’ He grunted, throwing him into a plastic chair next to the car.
‘W-what’s going on? I don’t understand, I’m just a kid!’
‘Oh you’ll understand in a little bit.’ Lorzeno said, burying himself in a newspaper behind the wheel of the big black car.
‘I’m scared.’
‘I’m scared.’ Julio said in a teasing voice. ‘Where your’s daddy now, huh?’
Was this Daddy arriving now? Maybe it was all a joke? Another car pulled in, but Daddy didn’t drive a black Lincoln Town Car.
The Town Car’s headlights made him squint in the gloom of the warehouse as it slithered forwards. Jimmy went to get up but Gabriele held him into the seat.
‘Don’t even try it. You ain’t goin’ nowhere.’
It stopped a few feet away from him. The driver, who wore a black leather jacket and a pencil mustache switched the engine off as well as the lights, then got out and walked to open the back door.
Then, Jimmy felt a horrible cold dropping sensation when he recognised the man stepping out of the car. The trademark pinstripe suit, the slicked back grey hair and evil looking eyebrows which reminded him of the actor, Jack Nicholson. He had no neck, and was built like a barrel.
It was Vito Mangoletsi. The mafia king pin Daddy had been trying to put in jail since before he was born.
‘Well, look here. If it isn’t little Jimmy McDougal. With your Dad being the District Attorney, I’d was hoping he’d be able to afford to give you a better birthday party than a few hours at a lousy bowling alley,’ he paused to chuckle. ‘Am I right guys?’
The four men who brought him all chuckled. ‘Damn straight, boss.’ said one, ‘Guy’s a loser.’ said another.
‘Well, well he’s a loser who’s also a pain in the ass.’ He kneeled down in front of Jimmy. ‘Does your Daddy love you, kid?’
‘Yeah…’
‘Well, this is the thing. I love my boy Luca, and your Daddy wants to send him to jail for a very long time, and I’m not about to let that happen.’
Jimmy looked up at Luca. ‘Why does Daddy want to put you in jail, Luca?’
‘Because of the small matter of a murder investigation.’ Vito pronounced murder as “moydah”.
‘Why, isn’t he guilty?’ Jimmy asked.
All the men burst out laughing.
‘Guilty as a puppy next to a pile of crap kid.’ Vito said after his laughing fit.
‘Vito…Are you going to…’ Jimmy swallowed, panic setting in. ‘Kill me?’
‘I don’t wanta kill ya, kid. And this ain’t personal, it’s just business.’ Vito said, in a very reasonable tone. ‘And it’s Mr Mangoletsi to you, you little peckerhead. But you’re gonna find out just how much your Daddy loves you, we’ll see if he loves you as much as I love my son. Lorenzo – get me the tools.’
Jimmy tried moving but Gabriele pressed him into the chair harder. ‘Wait! Wait! Don’t do it!’
‘You don’t even know what I’m gonna do yet – so I’ll tell you.’ Channelling pent up anger at the DA, Vito pressed his face up against Jimmy’s. ‘First, I’ll cut your little fingers off, then, I’ll cut your toes off, then I’ll send it in a FedEx box to your Daddy and we’ll see if he still wants to take my son away from me – hey you even listening, kid? I just said I want to cut your freaking fingers off, ain’t you gonna cry, beg? Don’t you know what this means?’
‘Don’t do it Mr Mangoletsi. You’ll get hurt.’
He moved his head back, as if he’d been hit. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Boss…’ Gabriel began.
‘Not now, meathead. Talk to me later.’ Vito moved his face closer to Jimmy’s again. ‘Lorenzo – where are those goddamn tools?’
Nobody else was talking. Vito stood up, and found all four of his henchmen standing with glazed expressions on their faces. ‘What? What’s the problem? What are you, morons? Get the tools, let’s get to work!’ He clicked his fingers in Gabriele’s face. ‘Meathead. Snap out of it.’
‘She’s so fabulous.’
‘What?’ Hissed Vito. Then he heard it. It sounded like the cracking of a flag in a breeze. Vito turned around in time to see her touchdown. The first thing anybody noticed about her was the long blonde hair. It was…gorgeous. Light blonde, yet golden at the same time. Like a bullion bar in dawn sunlight. It seemed to float around her as she landed. The second thing was the tits – quivering pale, huge, like massive pale pink water balloons squeezed in her tight fitting white and gold leotard.
The heel of her knee high boot clicked as it met the concrete outside the entrance, then her cape settled. The cape was the USA flag with the stars and stripes a yellow gold, like her hair.
“SB” was printed on her leotard in massive gold letters on a red shield.
‘Ahh, crap.’ Muttered Vito. ‘It’s Super Blonde.’
‘Let him go.’ She called out.
‘Go fuck yourself, you crazy bitch.’ Vito said. ‘Before my boys get hold of you and find out how fucking super you really are.’
‘I want you,’ she said in a breathy, almost childlike voice. ‘To let him go.’
‘That’s cute.’ Vito unholstered his pistol. ‘But you can’t have everything you want. Now get out of here before I put another hole in your ass.’
Undeterred, she walked into the warehouse. ‘I said let him go.’
‘Lorenzo!’ Vito barked. ‘Get this crazy broad out of here before I kill her.’
Lorenzo, as well as Luca were slacked jawed.
Vito’s voice rose by an octave. ‘You guys aren’t scared of a goddamn girl are you? I said get her out of here!’
‘She’s…so hot…’ Lorzeno’s breathing was getting faster.
‘Lorenzo! Lorezno!’ Vito yelled. ‘Don’t look at her!’
But it was too late, his eyes softened and he had the look of a lovestruck puppy. ‘Whatever you want Super Blonde, you’ve got it! Go Jimmy, get out of here!’
‘Don’t you go anywhere you little shit!’ Vito said.
Luca was shielding his eyes, staggering backwards. It was happening. Her superpowers were working. ‘No!’ He said. ‘No! Get away from me! Get away!’
‘Awwh, why are you so shy? You’re such a good looking boy, as well.’ Superblonde said, trotting across the hard floor.
‘You get away from my boy!’ Vito yelled, making the mistake of looking at her. Her blonde hair, it looked so soft…she was so pretty. Her big blue eyes…You could swim in them. Her hair, it was glowing, it was getting brighter.
Vito felt something inside of him melt and give way.
No! He told himself. No! She wasn’t getting away with it. Not this time. Not again! He shielded his eyes and ran towards the car, and threw himself in the backseat.
His driver was already clicking his pistol off of safety.
‘Want me to deal with her, boss?’
‘No!’ Vito snapped. ‘Wait here, wait here, don’t look at her.’
Gabriel and Julio meanwhile hadn’t yet succumbed, Julio was shouting at her to get out as Gabriel kept Jimmy pinned into the chair.
‘It’s…Phenomnal…’ Vito said, stunned. ‘It’s this feminine power, this like… spell…She’s a fuckin’ menace.’
Outside of the car Luca caved in. Her boobs seemed to have their own siren call. He walked towards her, and the blinding golden light coming from her hair. ‘Take Jimmy, Superblonde. Whatever makes you happy.’
‘You are such a nice guy, Luca!’ she gushed.
‘Hey,’ Lorenzo said. ‘You want to go for a coffee, Super Blonde? You need a ride home?’
‘I’m good thank you.’ She flashed her cute gap toothed smile. ‘But I’m sure you’re an amazing driver.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ Lorenzo said, pushing Luca out of the way. ‘I’m a great getaway driver, you should see me in action on a bank job.’
‘That sounds amazing,’ she was still using her gushing tone. ‘I bet you’re the best getaway driver in the whole world.’
‘Hey, she’s talking to me.’ Luca got in between the two of them. ‘You’re old enough to be her Dad, you freak.’
Lorenzo jabbed Luca in the chest. ‘Hey, you might be Vito’s son, but lemmie remind you who you’re talking to, pal…’
‘Lorezo! Luca!’ Vito was sticking his head out of the car. ‘Quit talking arguing like girls, AND FUCKING STOP HER!’
Super Blonde trotted over to Jimmy, who was now alone in the chair. She kneeled in front of him. ‘Hey champ! Looks like your buddies with the silly beards have abandoned you? Let’s get out of here.’
‘Super Blonde!’ he squealed. ‘You’re the best!’ He took her hand and they walked across the warehouse floor.
‘Hey Gramps,’ She looked at Vito. ‘See you around.’
In a panic he closed the door. ‘Get away from me you freakshow!’ He was shouting, his voice muffled in the car.
Jimmy and Superblonde both laughed.
‘Those men were gonna hurt me. Thank you.’
‘I don’t like people who hurt other people. You don’t have to thank me, Jimmy. I’m just doing my job. I hope you learn from this, that violence is never the answer.’
‘Alright Barbie, hold up.’ Gabriel stepped out of the shadows.
‘Give us the kid back.’ Julio joined him.
‘Hey, you guys have matching beards! That’s so cool!’ She jumped on the spot with excitement.
Julio narrowed his eyes. ‘Your powers don’t work now.’
At the same time both Julio and Gabriel took off their sunglasses. Then, in unison, announced. ‘We’re gay.’
‘Ahhhh, right. I knew something wasn’t right when you called me fabulous and not hot.’ Super Blonde tapped her finger on her chin. ‘Jimmy, let’s just go around here a second.’ She led him to the side of the Town Car, and playfully flicked his nose. ‘I’ll be right back, OK champ? I’m gonna speak to these mean men.’
He nodded. ‘Please don’t be long.’
‘I won’t be…Promise.’ She strutted round to meet them, as Luca and Lorezno kept arguing about her.
‘So, guys,’ she began, before she was interrupted by Vito’s voice.
He got out of the car, shielding his face. ‘Wait, what the fuck,’ Vito looked at the two thugs while shielding the side of his face. ‘You guys are faggots?’
‘You can’t say that anymore Dad!’ Luca called out from the back of the warehouse pausing his argument with Lorenzo.
‘It’s my business, I say whatever the hell I want.’
‘We’re an equal opportunities employer.’ Lorenzo added.
‘Since when?’ Vito shot back.
‘Listen, err, Vito,’ Gabriel began. ‘When we applied for the job neither of us saw anything on the form about our sexuality.’
‘Yeah, we need to talk about this later.’ Said Julio. ‘Not cool, man.’
‘OK, I’m sorry, I guess I’m a little behind the times,’ Vito shook his head vigorously as if waking himself from a stupor, before launching into an exasperated bluster. ‘Just stop her for God’s sake!’
During their argument, none of them noticed Superblonde’s boot arching round in a roundhouse kick. It connected with the side of Gabriel’s face.
Pow! – he spun round and fell to the floor.
Holding the side of his face he mumbled obscenities as Julio dropped into a fighter’s stance.
‘Come on, Super Bitch. Bring it.’
‘You wouldn’t hit a girl would you?’ She stepped over Gabriel.
‘You wanna find out?’
‘Sure.’
‘Get her Julio!’ Vito bellowed.
He was fast, but Superblonde was faster, ducking out of the way when he swung at her face. With her right hand she gripped his wrist, before kneeing him in the balls – hard.
With a high pitched whining sound, Julio went red in the face, then staggered over to meet Gabriel, doubled over, cupping himself.
‘YOU GUYS ARE FIRED!’ Vito roared, full throated and furious. ‘WHAT THE HELL DO I PAY FOR FOR!? YOU’VE BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY AN OVERGROWN BARBIE DOLL!’
Casually, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she walked round the car to find Jimmy.
‘OK, little man, it’s time to fly.’
Again, they held hands and walked towards the open door.
‘Wait till I tell all my friends about this!’
She giggled. ‘If they don’t believe you, maybe I’ll drop by at your school and -’
‘Hold it.’ A different voice came from behind them. Lower and more serious than the others.
Superblonde turned around. The driver stood by the open door of the car, with a gun aimed at her face. She made eye contact with him, flicked her hair.
The driver made a humourless chuckle. Then, with his teeth on edge said: ‘I’m gay as well.’
‘What, are we in the Village People now or what?’ Quipped Vito.
‘Shit.’ She said quietly. ‘Now the mustache makes sense.’
‘Shut the fuck up.’ He said. ‘Stand by the trunk. The boy as well.’
‘Just do as he says, Jimmy. It will be fine, I promise you.’
They both walked slowly to the rear of the Lincoln, the driver waving the gun at them. ‘Alright. Hands on the drunk. Let the boy go.’
With a snarl, Vito snatched Jimmy away. ‘I want the bitch alive. Understood?’
‘Don’t hurt her!’ Jimmy yelled as Vito got into the car with him.
Super Blonde did as the driver asked.
‘Understood.’ He confirmed. ‘Alright, spread ‘em.’ He kicked her heels and she spread her legs out as he patted her down. ‘What you packing under this over tarzan outfit, huh? I used to be a cop, I know what I’m doing so don’t even try bullshitting me.’
‘Oh, you’re a cop? Now the mustache really makes sense.’ Irritated, she added. ‘Nothing. I don’t need weapons.’
‘Yeah, well the only weapon you’ve got is this.’ He tugged at her blonde hair. ‘And I’m immune to it. Alright, hands in the air, keep ‘em where I can see ‘em.’ With the gun trained on her, he reached over to pop the drunk.
The lid swung up, exposing more than enough room for a body.
‘Now get in.’
Super Blonde got as far as bending her torso into the trunk, then stopped.
‘I said get in!’
‘Make me!’ She said in a teasing voice.
‘Come on, quit clowning and get in.’
‘Uh, uh, you gotta make me, Big Boy.’
‘Come on, stop making me look a jerk, and get in the fuckin’ car.’
As the driver moved in, poised to grab her neck, Super Blonde reached behind and snatched hold of his tie. She stood up, putting all her strength into it, pulling him down by the tie. His head smacked into the open trunk lid.
He cried out in pain, dropping the gun.
She kicked it under the car. But her job wasn’t done. He was still a danger. Super Blonde slammed his head in the trunk four times. ‘ -Your! – mustache! – looks! – creepy!’ She said with every slam of the trunk lid.
Now unconscious, he dropped to the floor.
Super Blonde opened the door, finding Vito clutching Jimmy to his chest.
‘You come near me, the kid dies! I mean it!’ He looked at her, just for a second. But that was enough. Her hair was glowing. Her eyes seemed to get larger, and a halo of light formed around her.
‘Ahh, no!’ Vito almost sounded like he was in pain. ‘Don’t you dare, don’t you dare!’
‘Give Jimmy to me, please. It would really make me sad if you didn’t.’
‘Goddamit, you’re so beautiful, get away from me.’
‘But Vito I’ll be so sad if I leave without him.’
Another pained cry. ‘Ahh, Jesus just take him.’
Vito released Jimmy who scrabbled across the seats into her arms.
She picked him up, lifted him into the air as she spun on his heels before placing him on the ground. ‘Didn’t I tell you everything would be OK?’
‘Yeah!’ He said enthusiastically.
‘Alright you bitch, your charms are wearing off now, so give me that little -’ Jimmy saw Vito clambering out of the car, before she kicked the door which bounced off his face. He fell back into the car, hand over his face, blood running through his fingers.
‘But Super Blonde, you said violence was never the answer.’
She made a cringey face. ‘Yeeeahh, forget everything that just happened. Now – are you ready to fly?’
Jimmy screamed with delight (that’s what she would tell his parents, not that it was fear) as they shot through the air, Vito yelling from the ground below them.
‘I’m gonna ruin you Superblonde! You hear me! Ruin you!’
2
A week later Super Blonde sat in the District Attorny’s office.
‘Superblonde,’ He said, ‘Thanks to you we got Jimmy back. And I promise you, we’re going to go after the Mangoletsis harder than ever after this. Is there anything I can do to repay you? Anything at all?’
‘I’d like a donation to my favorite charity, Pink Protect.’
‘What do they do?’
‘They stand against violence towards the gay community.’
‘Whatever you want, Super Blonde. Anything else?’
‘Actually, there is this one other thing…’ She let her hair glow, just a little. ‘All my life people who look like me have been the source of jokes and mockery. And it upsets me so much, Mr McDougal. It’s discrimination after all.’
‘I, uhh, not sure I follow?’
‘I want you to make blonde jokes to be punishable in the harshest possible way by the law.’
‘Alright, consider it done. Anything else?’
She smiled softly. ‘Let me give Jimmy a tour of our HQ. I think he deserves a pretty cool birthday treat after what happened.’
Three days later, Vito was shaving in the en suite bathroom, the bedroom TV playing the breakfast news in the background. His own lawyer was on the TV, standing outside court.
‘This is a sham, the whole thing is phony, Mr Mangoletsi wasn’t even in the ZIP code where it was alleged Jimmy McDougal was taken, and this Super Blonde stuff – it’s nuts, it’s outlandish, it’s ridiculous, he hasn’t even met her. My client wasn’t even aware of her existence until he was arrested two days ago. Who, by the way, has been released without charge. This is harassment, this is all it is, harassment of my client and his family.’
Vito paused shaving to watch his fast talking lawyer at work. The guy talked a good talk.
‘Mr Mangoletsi and his family are running legitimate business concerns, this, the murder trial and the quite frankly ludicrous accusations that he stole defence secrets and is arms dealing will all be disproven in court, and quite frankly, the trial can’t get here soon enough.’
Vito went back to shaving, dragging the straight razor over his cheek.
‘In other news, the first person to be charged for hate speech following a change in the law in regards to blonde jokes has been arrested. A 45-year-old man from the Midtown area of the city has been arrested this morning following a facebook post, and may face the death sentence -’
He turned the TV on and made his way downstairs still wearing his silk dressing gown and got some coffee brewing. Vito found Luca sitting in the living room, watching their gardener cut the lawn. He too, was still in his dressing gown.
‘Hey, son. You want a coffee. I’m making a pot.’
‘No. I’m good.’ He said, staring out of the window.
‘That Super Blonde crap is still eating at you, isn’t it?’ He clapped his hands over Luca’s shoulders. ‘Don’t let it. She had me too. The only reason Julio and Gabriel didn’t fall for it was because they’re f-’ he stopped himself just in time. ‘Gay.’
‘She still kicked their arses, though.’
‘Give ‘em some slack. She’s a goddamn superhero for Christ’s sake…And I’ve cooled down since…They’ve got their jobs back. Anyway…I’m gonna need them again.’ He said with a chuckle. ‘Get dressed. We’re taking a ride downtown.’
‘What for you?’
‘You’ll see. Just get ready.’
The car was waiting and running for them outside. The driver stood with the door open.
‘How’s the head, Tony?’ Vito asked him.
‘Sore, Mr Mangoletsi.’ The driver touched the side of his bandaged head, the side with the swollen black eye.
‘Yeah, well quit complaining. The warehouse. The one by the docks.’
Vito sprawled out across the back seats of the Town Car, while Luca kept a more reserved pose.
‘Let me tell you a little something about respect, Luca. It’s earned. Sometimes people screw with you, and sometimes you have to let them. The only way to earn that respect is to hit back, a hundred times harder. It’s like a war.’
‘And you want to hit back against Super Blonde? How?’
‘We can’t fight on her level. She has an unfair advantage. We need to uhhh…deprive her, of that advantage.’
The car slipped through the expensive leafy suburbs in the north of the city, before joining the highway and sweeping down to the docks.
As they pulled up outside the grim warehouse with its broken windows and rust streaked walls, Luca could see the skyscrapers of the city rearing up in the distance.
He followed his father inside. The building was divided in two by a partitioning length of drylining. The door was open, and there was the sound of operating machinery and occasional flashes and sparks.
In the middle of the room an object that looked like a large photobooth or portable toilet. It was white, or rather had been white, as it was streaked with dust and dirt.
‘Take a look at it, son. Drink it all in. Because this is what’s going to take down Super Blonde.’
‘Huh? What is it?’
‘Ever heard of a thing called The Pod? It’s a haircutting machine. Fucking thing went haywire at some tech demo and shaved a journalist’s head.’
It rang vague bells in Luca’s head. ‘Oh, that thing? Yeah, I remember reading about it – wait this is it?’
‘The very same.’ Vito walked over to it, and began pacing around it. ‘The company’s share price went down the drain and they got rid of it, put it up for auction. Yours truly bought it because I had a very specific purpose in mind.’ He slid the door open and casually peered inside. ‘You ever heard of the story of Sampson?’
Luca nodded, and he began to see his father’s plan. ‘He cut his hair off and he lost his power.’
‘Exactly. Guy turned into a weakling. Well if we do the same to Super Blonde, I’m guessing it’s gonna have the same effect.’ He opened his arms in a “what gives?” gesture. ‘I mean, it figures, right? There ain’t no way we’re holding down for any haircut, so we’re gonna need this baby.’ He patted the sides. ‘But I’ve got something else to show you. C’mon.’
Vito led him through the door, into the other side of the warehouse. They were in a ramshackle warehouse lined with greasy work benches and dim bulkhead lights over them.
A figure with long greasy hair was hunched over one of them, soldering a circuit board. What looked like mannequin limbs were on the desk.
Luca realised he was looking at a disassembled sex robot.
In the middle of the room, a small windowless plane was sitting on its landing gear.
It was about the size of a small private jet, painted in uneven matte black paint. Its exposed rivets and DIY paintjob look made it look almost steampunk.
The sparks were coming from under it where two men in welding masks were at work.
One of them noticed that they had company, stopped welding and flipped their mask up. They were bearded and rough in a sort of outdoorsman way.
They nudged their mate, who flipped their mask up as well. He had tattooed, alternative vibes to him and thick glasses under the mask.
Last to notice was the one hunched over the desk.
‘Hey, Mr Mangoletsi, I wasn’t expecting you.’ He sounded panicked. ‘I was, erm, just spending a few minutes on a side project of my own. It was my lunch break and I-’
Vito cut him off. ‘Whatever, Dan. As long as this is finished in time I don’t care.’
The bearded one shook his head, looking embarrassed for Dan. ‘Hi, boss. How’s it going?’
‘Yeah, good. At least I hope it’s going good.’ He walked over to the plane and patted the fuselage. ‘Is this bird ready to fly?’
‘Ready tonight.’ He said confidently.
‘Good.’ A smile curled round Vito’s lips.
‘Dad? What the hell is this? You’re making planes now?’
Vito chucked. ‘I guess you could say that. I want you to meet, Dan. He did work on The Pod. He works for me now. Dan, tell my boy what this contraption is.’
‘So, yeah…It’s a pretty neat bit of kit, you know what a drone is?’ He waited for Luca to nod before continuing. ‘This a drone, but an anti-drone drone. It’s designed to neutralise drones in residential zones before they hit their targets, by literally sucking them into it’s fuselage.’
‘Woah,’ Luca looked at his Dad who was still pacing circles around the aircraft. ‘Dad, you invented this? I had no idea you were in this business.’
‘Invent it? No, dummy. We bought the plans after some pissed off ex employee stole them. We’ve been making our own versions to sell to people Uncle Sam won’t sell to. The CIA are still getting mad trying to work out how the rebels in Islamistan got their hands on a whole squadron of the little fuckers, so they keep shooting them down, and I keep selling them to them.’ He laughed. ‘It’s a real money spinner, I tell ya.’
‘Mr Mangoletsi,’ The one with the glasses asked. ‘Can I have permission to ask you a question.’
‘Hit me.’
‘If this one is for you, what do you need it for? They’re not gonna try taking us out with drones are they?’
‘No, relax. We’re using them to take somebody else out.’
The bearded one frowned. ‘Who?’
‘Jesus Christ, are you all mentally slow or something? Who do you think? Super Blonde!’
Dan bit his lips. ‘Damn. Can I buddy along with you on this one, boss?’
‘Buddy along? You’ll be running the show, Daniel. But don’t get too excited, because she ain’t gonna be so pretty and blonde for long.’
The bearded one laughed, and the others followed.
‘Dan, have you got a smartphone.’ Vito said. ‘Stupid question, I know you’ll have one.’
‘Uh, sure? Why?’
‘Because I want you to put a flight tracker app on it, and look out for Super Blonde. The moment that bitch is airbourne, I want you on the controls of this bird, and we’re gonna catch her. Then we’re gonna teach her a little lesson about respect.’
As Vito Mangoletsi was showing Luca around the factory, Super Blonde was welcoming Jimmy to her HQ.
Like her nemesis, she lived in the upmarket area of town, but rather than an old timey manor house, hers was up-to-the-minute modern.
From the swoopy glass frontage, to the stainless steel spiral staircase, everything was polished, new and clean.
‘So is this where you live with all the other Super Girls?’ Jimmy asked her as she led him through the wide, airy hall.
‘Sure is, and I bet you’d like to meet them?’
‘No way! I can meet them all?’
‘Of course you can, Jimmy, and they’ll be super excited to meet you too.
Jimmy followed Super Blonde through the sliding doors of what she called their common room, trying not to stare at the enormous illuminated portrait of her flicking her hair in the lobby. Underneath it, in silver chrome lettering, were the words:
“Justice Never Looked So Good.”
The common room door opened with a hiss.
‘Time for you to meet the girls.’
Red Fire was first. She was sprawled across three chairs in a red PVC catsuit, absent-mindedly cooking a hot dog by staring at it.
‘Red Fire can generate temperatures almost as hot as the sun.’ Super Blonde informed him.
‘Yeah, last week I melted a bus by accident.’ Red Fire said. ‘Is this the poor kid you beat those guys up in front of the other day?’ She asked, not looking away from her dinner.
‘You mean Jimmy? Sure. And you weren’t terrified were you Jimmy? It was awesome wasn’t it?’
‘I guess.’ He tugged at Red Fire’s cape. ‘Is it true you can shoot fire from your eyes?’
She looked up, and two jets of fire shot from her eyes, quickly fizzling out into smoke.
‘Woahh!’ He stepped back, stunned and a little scared at the same time. ‘And is it true that you’re fire proof?’
‘It is. Now get lost. I’m on my lunch break.’
He looked back at Super Blonde. ‘Neat!’
‘And then there’s Black Mamba.’ Super Blonde pointed to the ceiling.
Black Mamba sat upside down on the ceiling, held there by her dreadlocks which snaked across the walls like thick black vines. One of them was flicking through the channels on a wall mounted TV with the remote, while another stirred a coffee, all the way down on the table.
She dropped down effortlessly, her dreadlocks retracting as she did. ‘Is Blondie boring you yet?’
‘No.’ Jimmy said almost defensively.
‘Well, she bores the hell outta me. I think she should rebrand as Vanilla Girl,’ Black Memba cackled. ‘That’s why she’s the poster girl for us all.’
‘Hey,’ Super Blonde said, ‘I’m more than a pretty face.’
‘That right? You go on believing that, sister.’ One of her dreadlocks picked up the cup of coffee which was just out of normal human reach for her.
‘Don’t mind Black Mamba, Jimmy, she’s just edgy and mean.’
At the far end of the room sat Goth Girl, slouched in a chair wearing enormous black jeans and a faded shirt reading:
WHY SHOULD I SAVE THE WORLD WHEN YOU’RE IN IT?
She didn’t look up from her phone.
‘This your new hostage?’
‘He’s not a hostage,’ Super Blonde snapped.
Goth Girl finally raised her eyes toward Jimmy. ‘Blink twice if you need help.’
‘She’s joking,’ said Super Blonde.
‘No I’m not.’
Jimmy noticed the air around Goth Girl felt strangely heavy, like walking into a room after bad news.
Super Blonde gestured grandly. ‘Goth Girl possesses devastating depression rays capable of immobilizing entire crowds.’
‘Basically I make people too emotionally exhausted to continue.’
‘She once stopped a prison riot in eleven seconds,’ said Black Mamba.
‘I reminded them that existence is temporary and none of their relationships are emotionally fulfilling in jail and that everything they do, every breath they take, is completely meaningless in captivity.
Jimmy blinked. ‘…Right.’
‘And finally—’ Super Blonde swept an arm dramatically toward the woman standing by the coffee machine, ‘—Super Brunette.’
Super Brunette looked almost disappointingly normal. Brown hair tied back neatly. Practical boots. No cape or dramatic makeup. She looked more like an off-duty paramedic than a superhero. She smiled politely. ‘Nice to meet you, Jimmy.’
‘She has all the same powers as me,’ Super Blonde explained, ‘except slightly weaker obviously.’
Super Brunette raised an eyebrow. ‘We tested this. Mine are actually stronger.’
‘Raw power isn’t everything,’ Super Blonde replied quickly. ‘There’s branding and presence. And face it, I’m hotter than you.’
Goth Girl looked up again. ‘She means Super Brunette is less dumb than her.’
Black Mamba snorted into her coffee.
Super Blonde planted her hands on her hips. ‘Can everyone please stop bullying me in front of the civilian?’
At that exact moment the door slid open.
‘Attention!’ Barked a gravelly voice. It came from a stocky, flattop wearing man in his 50s with his eyes shielded by aviator sunglasses. Jimmy assumed those eyes were cold and unflinching.
‘This is Commander Steel,’ Super Blonde said in his ear. ‘He runs operations here. Ex military guy,’ then she whispered. ‘We all call him Iron Ass behind his back.’
‘That includes you too, Chloe.’
Super Blonde stood to attention at hearing her civilian name.
He levelled a stubby finger at Jimmy, which made him feel about two inches tall. ‘Who the hell is this?’
‘Jimmy McDougal sir, the DA’s son. I rescued him from -’
‘You picked a lousy day to be bringing little kids on guided tours, Blondie. We’ve got a situation. Skyscraper fire in the Financial District. Business Tower has gone up like a tinderbox, and there’s people stuck on the 40th floor.’
‘On it.’ Super Brunette rushed to the open door behind her, as Red Fire cursed at having to put her hot dog down.
Black Mamba rolled her eyes. ‘I am on a break here, Mister. I’m entitled to my twenty minutes of free time outside of my lunch break, everyday, and ain’t nobody gonna make me give that up for some nasty ass building fire.’
‘I’ll tell the fire to wait, then.’ Commander Steel growled. ‘Get your ass airborne, soldier. You too Goth Girl.’
She made a heavy sigh. ‘I hate you so much.’ Goth Girl got up and dragged her feet across the floor, her goth boots clomping heavily on the floor as she joined the others.
‘OK,’ Super Blonde said, striking an alert pose. ‘Skyscraper fire – there’ll be news helicopters there, the press are gonna be all over it, just give me a few minutes to touch my make up, and I’ll get in the air.’
Super Brunette stopped, halfway across the lobby, and looked back into the common room. ‘Chloe, I don’t think this is a mission for you. Your super powers aren’t really what we need right now.’
‘Yeah,’ Black Mamba backed her up. ‘You can’t be flirting with the fire, it ain’t gonna work.’
‘Screw the both of you! I’m totally needed on this mission. Anyway, somebody needs to talk to the news crews and look good on camera.’
‘Guys, come on!’ Red Fire yelled. ‘Leave it, let’s go.’
‘They’re right, Chloe.’ Commander Steel pressed a button and doors closed behind him. ‘Anyway, you need to look after the kid.’
Jimmy tugged at her sleeve. ‘Don’t leave me with him. He looks angry.’
‘Oh Commander Steel isn’t angry,’ She reached over and squeezed his cheek. ‘He’s a big cuddly bear really.’
He slapped her hands off of him. ‘Get off of me.’ He snarled. ‘Get him home. Play hide and seek with him, do whatever.’ He marched back to the door. ‘Just stay out of this.’ It hissed closed behind him, leaving just the two of them.
‘Super Blonde,’ Jimmy said. ‘Are you really a bad super hero?’
‘No, Jimmy, they’re just jealous of my long blonde hair and good looks.’
‘Even Commander Steel?’
‘Especially Commander Steel. Now I’m gonna get out there because the people of the city need me.’
‘You’re gonna leave me here?’
‘I’ll be back.’
‘What am I gonna do while you’re at the fire?’ He said sulkily.
‘You could start training to be a super hero?’
His eyes lit up. ‘Really?! That sounds awesome!’
‘Yeah, we start on training reflexes first.’ She began walking towards the doors.
‘How should I do that?’
‘Uhh, you could try standing in traffic and try sensing cars before you see them?’
‘Cool!’ He ran with her towards the door. ‘I’ll do that, I promise!’
Back in Vito’s warehouse, Dan jumped in his seat with excitement. ‘Excuse me, Mr Mangoletsi.’ He said as Vito and Luca were walking towards the door.
‘What’s the problem?’
‘It’s Super Blonde…She’s just taken off.’ He held his phone up, with the flight radar on screen.
Vito clicked his fingers and pointed to the two engineers. ‘You guys. Get this bird in the air.’
‘B-b-but Mr Mangoletsi, we need to finalise the,’ The one with glasses began.
‘Can it fly?’ Vito snapped.
‘Yeah, sure, it can fly but -’
‘Then do it. Dan. You flown a drone before?’
‘I mean, no, but yes, I could. I’ve controlled various robots apparatus in the past, I used to have a remote control -’
‘Then do it. Fly it. Catch her. Bring her back.’
WILL MANGOLETSI CATCH SUPER BLONDE? WILL HER HAIR SURVIVE THE NEXT STORY? FIND OUT, IN PART TWO OF SUPER BLONDE.
