The Hairy Tale of Cinderella

“Hurry Cinderella, you’re going to make us late for the salon! We need to look our best for the Prince’s Ball tonight”, her stepsister Olga barked.

“Yeah Cinderella, move your ass”, her other stepsister Gertrude added.

“Sorry Gertrude, sorry Olga. I’m doing my best but all your shopping bags are so heavy. “

“Oh my God Cinderella, stop whining!” her stepmother chastised.

“Here, let me hold the door for you Miss”, a good looking boy offered as Cinderella struggled to hold the salon door open while trying to carry all her step sister’s shopping bags.

This did not go unnoticed by her stepmother. It was one of several attempts today by boys wanting to help Cinderella with all the shopping bags, her waist length golden blonde hair obviously attracting the boys’ attention away from her beautiful and single daughters.

“Stepmother, may I get my hair cut while we are here? I am so in need of a good trim to remove all my split ends?”

“Oh no Cinderella, there is no need to spend this much money on your hair since you won’t be going to the Ball. We’ll deal with your hair later”, her stepmother replied with a sinister gleam in her eyes.

Once her stepmother, Olga and Gerty finished getting their overly elaborate updos that truly exposed their rotund faces and double chins, they set off for their next destination with Cinderella once again lagging behind under the weight and awkwardness of all the shopping bags.

“Where are we going?” Cinderella asked as they reached the end of town and headed down a run down side street. Her question was soon answered as her stepmother stood under a spinning barber pole and held the door open for Cinderella.

“What are we doing here? This is where boys get their hair cut.” Cinderella questioned and also feared the answer that would follow.

Her stepsisters snickered as they pushed their way into the shop in front of Cinderella and jumped into the waiting chairs in anticipation of what was about to happen.

“Why Cinderella, you said you needed a haircut, and after all this shopping and our salon visit this is all I can afford. Now don’t embarrass me and make a scene! You go in there and sit in the barber chair and not a peep out of you or there will be consequences! Do you understand me?” her stepmother scolded with a scowl on her face and glare in her black eyes.

With that Cinderella lowered her head and entered the shop, resigned to her fate. She carefully set the shopping bags down and made her way to the big red and chrome barber chair.

The shop was small, and tidy. The bright lights illuminated the clean black and white tiles and two perfectly polished barber chairs. The counter tops were arranged with precision and large menacing clippers hung from hooks in front. The shop’s smell was a mix of barbicide, aftershave and clipper oil.

“Hello Ma’am, this is a barbershop. I don’t cut women’s hair here.” The old gray haired barber stated as he stared blankly at the four females that entered his traditional male barbershop. “I only give men’s haircuts in this shop. There is a salon around the corner that I’m sure can help you,”

“Sir, my stepdaughter is in need of the very type of haircut you specialize in. Go on Cinderella, hop on up into the big chair!”

“And what type of haircut would that be?” The barber asked with a curious look on his face as he turned the chair towards Cinderella.

She stepped up onto the big footrest then gingerly inched back into the big barber chair that dwarfed her petite frame as she smoothed out her blue and white dress. The barber pulled her back further, then quickly applied a paper neck strip and baby blue silk cape.

“Well, she complained about the condition her hair and she needs something easy to maintain while she is working around the house. Please shave her head smooth.”

Both the barber’s and Cinderella’s jaws dropped at that statement. The two stepsisters giggled and pulled out their phones to film their stepsister’s total humiliation.

“No, you can’t shave my head!” Cinderella cried.

“Ma’am, she has some of the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure I can do this”, the barber stated as he tenderly ran his fingers through her gorgeous locks.

“Listen, both of you! This IS happening, if not here then at home, but I’d prefer not to have to do it myself, so no more griping and get to it!”

Tears welled in Cinderella’s eyes as she fingered the strands that hung down the front of the barber’s cape. Her long blonde hair was the last connection she had to her mother who had the same beautiful blonde hair.  Her dad referred her and her mom as his blonde beauties.

The barber, after being admonished, set to work, albeit with a scowl on his face. He grabbed his biggest Oster clippers, oiled them good for the task at hand, then fired them up. He’d skinned many heads over the years and had a reputation as being quick and ruthless. This one though felt very different.

Without a word he pulled Cinderella’s head back so she was looking at the ceiling then ran the clippers down the middle of her head leaving a pale strip of skin in its wake as silken golden locks tumbled back towards him. He quickly made a second then a third pass as Cinderella looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks.

In no time he had removed the hair from her top and sides leaving a massive pile of hair at his feet, then forced her chin down into her chest to remove the hair remaining on the back of her head. Starting at the nape he drove the clippers quickly up the back of her head causing the locks to fall forward into her lap as Cinderella sat and mourned the loss of her hair.

In record time the barber had reduced her head to faint stubble like a marine recruit, then vigorously ran the clippers all over head several times to catch anything he may have missed.

“Look how tiny her head is without all that hair!” Olga teased. “She looks like a boy!”, Gerty added. Cinderella put her hands over her face and wept as the barber lathered up her head to complete the process. “Hey baldy, smile for your audience on the live stream”, Olga laughed.

The barber was fed up with the mean remarks and turned the chair away from the waiting area and the cameras as Cinderella’s shoulders rose and fell from her sobbing. “There, there little darling. It will be over soon”, he whispered and patted her on the shoulder. How he would love to get the two mean girls and that bitch of a mother in his chair.

With practiced precision he ran the straight razor over her head until not a trace of hair remained. He rubbed on some aftershave to help prevent ingrown hairs, then finished her off with by rubbing on some lavender oil.

Cinderella, her hands still covering her face, peaked between her fingers at her new reflection in the mirror setting off another bout of hard sobbing.

The barber rotated the chair back, removed the cape, and gently guided Cinderella by the arm from the chair.

“Oh for pity sake Cinderella, it’s just a haircut, quit being so dramatic! Now pick up those bags and get a move on, your stepsisters and I have a Ball to get to.”

Cinderella wiped her eyes, took one last look at herself in the mirror and at all her golden locks piled high around the chair, thanked the barber for his kindness, then picked up the bags and followed her step family out the door.

The barber watched them depart, the mean step sisters rubbing her head and taunting her as she struggled to carry all the packages. Oh how he wished he could get them in his chair he thought as he swept up the lovely golden mane. Little did he know that in fairytales, wishes do come true.

After having her head shaved in a barbershop, Cinderella, her stepmother, and two stepsisters made their way back trough the center of the town towards their home while onlookers pointed and commented about the bald girl in the frilly blue and white dress. Boys did not gawk at her nor offer to help carry all the shopping bags she was tasked with lugging home. This also did not go unnoticed by her stepmother who now believed boys would focus on Olga and Gertrude rather than being distracted by Cinderella’s golden hair.

Now home, Cinderella helped the three get ready for the Prince’s Ball that evening, all the while having to put up with them rubbing her bald head and making snide remarks. Her stepmother gave her a long list of chores to do then they finally departed for the masquerade Ball wearing ornate masks (a slight improvement). Only then could she rest in front of mirror and take a closer look at her bald shiny head.

Her thoughts wandered back to her and her mother’s golden hair.  She recalled the song she could hear her mom singing through the wall late at night from her parent’s bedroom and started singing it :

🎶Some day my prince will cum

That includes in my bum. 🎶

Her sheltered and virginal life meant she had no idea what the song meant, but it was a treasured memory of her parents. She wept again at the thought of them and what her life had become after their deaths.

“Oh I wish I would meet my Prince Charming the way my mother did to rescue me from this life”

Suddenly, there was a swirl of energy before her then after a tiny explosion a small old woman floated in the air in front of her. “Hello Cinderella, I am your fairy godmother. First of all, don’t ever sing that song in public. You’ll thank me when you’re older. Second, you have a Ball to attend if you are going to meet your Prince Charming so let’s get you ready!”

“But I can’t go to the Ball, my stepmother saw to that when she had the barber shave me bald.”

“Easy enough to fix”, and with the wave of her wand a wig matching her old hair now perfectly styled appeared on her head. “There you go, easy peasy, lemon squeezy.  Now about those clothes.” With another wave of her wand Cinderella was decked out from head to toe in a form fitting full length baby blue dress with a sparkly diamond necklace, ornate mask, and glass slippers with red soles from the famous cobbler, Geppetto Choo. She looked like a blonde Jessica Rabbit.

“And don’t worry about the chores, they’ll be done when you return.

Now off to the Ball with you, but be warned, all of this disappears at midnight so be sure to be home by then because nothing good ever happens after midnight. Now run along, you have a prince to meet!”, then “poof” she was gone.

Fast forward to the Ball, the Prince noticed her from the moment she walked in and spent the evening dancing and talking with her while her step family and the other women there stood idly by glaring at the masked blonde bombshell.

Time got away from Cinderella she was having such a wonderful time, but at the first stroke of midnight, she recalled her fairy godmother’s instructions and she ran out the door and into the yard. The Prince chased after her but Cinderella was too fast. In her haste though her wig snagged on a tree branch and came off. Cinderella continued running, her bald head gleaming in the moonlight as the Prince collected the wig and watched the bald woman of his dreams disappear into the night.

Determined to find her again, the Prince let it be known throughout the land that he was looking for the bald angel that stole his heart and would be going door to door to find the bald woman that fit the blonde wig.

The next morning the old barber turned the final corner to his shop thinking today would be just another slow day, only to see the mean mother and two horrible daughters that were in his shop yesterday now waiting at his door. Maybe this would be a good day after all.

“How may I help you ladies today?”

“It’s about time you showed up! Hurry along now, we need you to shave our heads.”

“I’m sorry, did you say shave your heads or did my old ears deceive me?”

“Yes, yes, that’s what we want, now hurry along will you! We haven’t got all day. We must get home before the Prince comes by.”

Olga and Gerty looked less than enthused about this idea. “Perhaps we could were fake bald head caps”, Olga offered.

“Oh don’t be silly girls, the Prince would see right through that, now in you get. Olga, hop up in the big chair. You’re first.”

With her shoulders slumped and head hung low, Olga stomped her way to the barber chair. “But I don’t want my head shaved! I like my hair!”

“Hush child, now up you get and not another word!”

Olga wiggled her large frame into the chair and the barber quickly whisked the barbers cape around her fastening it tight around her neck with a paper neck strip. Gerty, forgetting that her turn was coming started live streaming the event. In addition, a small crowd started to gather outside the shop window to watch, which made the old barber very happy indeed.

Rather than buzzing her like a recruit,

he decided to go slow and prolong the girl’s agony because of the way she had behaved the day before. He slowly combed her mousy brown shoulder length hair all out, then pinched the lock of hair at the front of her head and sheared it off leaving only a couple of inches and making sure the hair fell forward into her lap. He continued this process slowly and methodically until all her hair had been reduced to that length.

Olga was in shock as all her beautiful hair tumbled forward and accumulated in her lap. The crowd outside laughed and pointed, as did her own sister, but she knew it would be worth it when the Prince saw her and picked her to be his princess .

As the last snip of her long hair hit her lap, the door opened and three mothers entered with their daughters in tow, obviously having the same idea. The old barber smiled knowing his wish had been granted and today was going to be a great day.

He grabbed his clippers and roughly moved Olga’s head to and fro as his #00000 blade removed all but the faintest trace of Olga’s hair. He then opted for the loud foil shaver to completely remove the last traces of hair. He finished her off with the stinging aftershave which he slapped around her head until covered.

Now for the part he was most looking forward to, he spun the chair so Olga could see the results. Without hair, it really focused the eyes on her other features, which in her case was not a good thing.

Olga grabbed her bald head with both hands shrieking, “Mother, I’m hideous, what have you done!”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic dear, your just as er um lovely without hair. Hop up now, it’s Gerty’s turn.”

That statement caused Olga to smile, and Gerty to come to the realization that her sister would now get to make fun of her. Slowly she rose as the barber uncaped Olga flicking the large mound of hair towards Gerty’s feet. Gerty gulped as she stepped over it and exchanged places with her sister.  Every woman and girl in the shop stared at the hair laying lifeless on the floor knowing theirs would soon join it.

The barber repeated the process on Gerty as her bald sister streamed it with one hand and rubbed her bald head with the other. With a flourish he flicked Gerty’s brown locks with blond streaks away releasing her to join her sister.

Believing herself young enough to have a chance with the young Prince, the stepmother made her way to the chair, her nervous twirling of her locks betraying the air of confidence she was attempting to convey.

She strode to the chair, daintily crossing her legs and smoothing her skirt before sitting back. Once again, the tissue and baby blue cape were whisked into place and fastened extra tight this time. The barber ran his fingers through the dishwater blonde hair with dark roots that hung in a no nonsense shoulder length bob, relishing this opportunity to shave her smooth.

Unlike the daughters, he haphazardly snipped away at her hair dropping the severed locks on her face causing her to repeatedly itch her face or blow stray hairs away. Soon her head was a disheveled mess of random length locks. Her daughters seemed to have forgotten their own woes, and were thoroughly enjoying the dismantling of their mother’s looks.

She then received the same recruit treatment Cinderella received as her head was forced back so she was looking at the barber’s nose hair as he buzzed off the hair on top, then forced to each side and then down till her chin touched her chest to complete the shearing.

He opted for shaving cream to shave her and applied far too much forming a large white cap of foam on her head. He pulled little horns up on each side resulting in laughs from the audience before he quickly smooshed them down. He left her sitting with the silky cap of foam longer than necessary as he sharpened and re-sharpened his straight razor.

Knowing that long, slow strokes can be quite sensual, he opted for short choppy strokes and firmly moved her head around as needed to complete the task. He roughly wiped her head off with a wet towel, then he turned the chair to face the mirror and relished the look on the stepmother’s face as she saw her shiny bald dome.

They departed the shop leaving no tip as the next young lady reluctantly stepped into the big barber chair after her mother commanded it. The barber quickly pushed a broom through the mounds of hair and guided the broom to a corner where he was sure there’d be a mountain of hair by the end of the day. Yes indeed, wishes do come true.

When they got home, Cinderella had to turn away to stifle a laugh. The lack of hair drew your attention to her step sisters’ big ears, acne and double chins, it  didn’t do much for her step mother either. Her large nose protruded from her face, her faint thin drawn on eyebrows just looked odd on her large forehead,and her ears were even larger than her daughters.

“Why stepmother, whatever happened to your hair?”

“Ummm….we were inspired by the economy and efficiency of your haircut. Now come child, I have a special chore for you.”

She grabbed Cinderella by the arm and took her upstairs. Put on these baggy pants and oversized tshirt, I need you to clean out this fireplace and would hate for anything to get on your lovely dress. She then left the room locking it behind her.

Later that afternoon there came a knock at the door. ”Coming, coming”. They were in their finest Sunday dresses, the daughters sitting at each end of the couch in hopes that the Prince would sit between them.

The mother opened the door to see the commander of the royal guard standing there with the Prince behind him.

“Hear ye, hear ye! The Prince commands that all occupants of this domicile be assembled at once”.

“Oh, why we are all present and accounted for. How may we help you?”

The Prince took one look at them and said “this house is a waste of time, next”

“No, wait, I’m the person you’re looking for. Just let me try on the wig and I will show you”, Olga urged.

“No, I am the one your highnessity!” Gerty added.

“Sir, you did say no stone left unturned. These are large stones, but still stones”, the Commander stated.

“Very well”, and they entered the house.

First Olga tried the wig on, but her rotund head was too big for the wig. It looked like a hair beret on her head. Gerty had the same experience but tried to stretch it onto her head. “It has to fit or I will have shaved my head for nothing”.

The Prince had been scrolling on his phone but that got his attention. “Did you just say that you shaved your head today?”, anger starting to show on his face.

“Well, er, ummm…what I meant was I-I-I shaved the stubble off so it would be nice and smooth for you.”

“Oh for the love of Pete, give me that wig, I’ll show you it is mine”, the stepmother said.  Though the wig fit better on her than her daughters, it was clear to the Prince that this house was a dead end.

Suddenly, there was a loud clanking noise from upstairs. “I thought you said this was everyone in the house! Who’s upstairs?” The commander barked.

“Oh that is just my er um…my son Cinder. He is busy cleaning the fireplace”

Lacking a shred of common sense, Olga laughed at the reference to “her son Cinder”, which got Gerty snickering too.

The Prince was getting angrier, “bring him down here now”.

“Right away”, the stepmother said as she hurried up the stairs. She unlocked the door and found Cinderella picking up the fire poker and shovel set she’d knocked over.

“Cinderella, there is someone downstairs who is very angry with you. Keep your mouth shut and eyes down if you know what’s good for you. And let’s empty this bucket of ash and soot why we going down to save you a trip”

The stepmother picked up the bucket then pretended to stumble dumping the bucket over Cinderella’s head. “Oh goodness me I can be such a klutz sometimes. Let’s brush this off you,” she said as she sneered it all over Cinderella’s bald head and face. They then made their way downstairs.

“This is the person I told you about upstairs.”

The Prince initially wrote the new arrival off as just another vial bald offspring of then wretched woman, until Cinderella looked up at him. Those eyes, that twinkle. He’d seen it before, through a mask. He walked over to her and used the cuff of his shirt to wipe the soot off her face. He snapped his fingers in the direction of his commander who placed the wig in his hands.

They stared into each other’s eyes as he placed the wig on her head. The wig fit perfectly. “It’s you!”, the Prince exclaimed with excitement. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.” He bent over and their lips met in that all important magical first kiss.

Suddenly, a swirl of magic surrounded the couple lifting them off the ground. Her attire from the prior evening was restored as was her majestic hair. The Prince swept her off her feet and carried her out the door as her stepsisters cried and her stepmother glared at Cinderella.

Cinderella whispered something in the Prince’s ear. The Prince stopped, “Oh, and every woman who shaved their head in an attempt to fool me must report to the barbershop weekly for the next year to maintain their new hairstyle. Make it so”, he instructed his commander.

“It will be done”

And they lived happily ever after, especially the old barber.