Identity

Please read the following first:

The Game

Barbaric

To Kill a Mother-In-Law

“Watcha thinking about,” Andrew called from the kitchen.

“The wedding,” came Lauren’s muted reply.

She was deep in thought, staring at her phone.

Andrew came over to the couch and sat down beside her. On her phone was an image of a woman with a shorter hairstyle.

It was cute, Andrew thought, but he couldn’t help but wonder if the look was really Lauren.

Her long blonde hair was beautiful, but he rarely saw it anymore when he looked at her.

“Last night was wild,” Andrew commented, “The look on Elizabeth’s face as you carried me into the reception hall. I won’t forget that anytime soon.”

Lauren laughed, “Yeah, she had all of that coming, and I am glad Clara asked us to be a part of it.”

“However, while being able to get back at Clara’s mother-in-law let me keep my hair in this ‘interesting’ style, I can’t put off doing something about it.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It was fun for the con, but it isn’t practical for life. What sort of person does this style say that I am to the world?”

“That you aren’t afraid to be yourself?” came Andrew’s tentative response.

“Is this me?” she motioned towards the buzzed part of her head, “I am the girl with the long, blonde hair. That has always been me. Besides, you love my hair!”

Andrew fell silent for a bit.

He started rubbing her back with his free hand, trying to provide some support. Lauren needed to work through these feelings.

Lauren’s shoulders slumped.

“Maybe I can get away with just going somewhat short… Something that will make it easier for me to grow out this undercut.”

She swiped through her phone until she found a picture of a chin length bob.

To Andrew, it looked way too close to the style that Tom’s mother wore. He wasn’t a fan, but he couldn’t tell Lauren that.

“I am sure that you will find a great style that will work with your undercut,” Andrew said as he ran his fingers up the back of Lauren’s nape.

An involuntary groan of pleasure escaped her lips, though the look on her face was almost one of pain.

She was clearly torn. She loved the feel of the undercut, but it was at war with who she had always been.

Lauren had always been the tall, blonde, that had a little too much attitude for the average guy. It was an image that she had cherished at times.

But is that who she wanted to be?

Andrew wasn’t one of those macho-guys that felt they could take on anything that a girl could throw at them.

He was one of those guys that knew who he was and was perfectly content to show the world that side of him.

She loved him for that. It had softened her edges some too.

But was she ready to let her freak flag fly? That, she wasn’t so sure about.

Andrew stood and stretched.

He bent down and kissed her on the forehead, “I am sure you will find the perfect style for you, my barbarian.”

“Uhg… I know you’re right,” she leaned back, “I will have to book an appointment anyway. I just want to know what I am doing before I do.”

“Maybe that is your problem,” he said as he walked away, “You are putting too much thought into this.”

She threw a pillow at him, which he snatched out of the air and threw right back at her.

~*~

The next morning found Lauren sitting at a small coffee shop in the city. Working the call center meant that she periodically had to work a later shift than she would like.

It did give her time to obsess over the idea that she had to cut her trademark feature.

“That’s a bold look!”

Lauren startled. She was so lost in thought, she hadn’t noticed anyone approaching her little table.

As she looked up, she couldn’t help but stare.

Finally, she broke out of her trance.

“What do you mean?”

“That undercut! It’s bold, and I love it!”

Blushing, Lauren instinctively touched the buzzed hair at her temple.

“Maybe so, but your look is no basic look either.”

The woman touched the back of her own head, “Oh this… This was a practicality thing for work.”

They continued to stare at each other’s hair for a second.

“What made you decide to buzz that much of an undercut?”

Lauren sighed, “It was for a con,” she said absently.

The other woman stiffened.

“Sorry… a convention. I dressed up as a barbarian and needed hair to match.”

“Oh, ok… that makes more sense.”

“So, what has you so preoccupied that you completely missed me walking over here? I know I wasn’t exactly subtle.”

“My hair, believe it or not. Now that the novelty has worn off, I need to do something so I can grow this back out.”

“Really, why? You look amazing!”

“Because it isn’t me,” Lauren answered quickly enough that she wasn’t sure she believed herself.

She pressed on, “I have always been the pretty one with long blonde locks. It is who I am.”

“Is it though? I only chopped this off a few months ago. Before that, these curls were eating my shoulders. They were beautiful, but after I chopped them off, I have felt more like myself than ever before.”

“So, I have to ask, is your hair your identity, or is your identity reflected in your hair?”

Lauren stared at this stranger. She honestly couldn’t answer that question.

“Plus,” the woman said, “if you are anything like me, the feeling of clippers on your neck is amazing.”

Lauren blushed again, knowing that, at least, was true.

~*~

Lauren got back to the apartment just in time for dinner.

“Did you see that wreck down the street?”

“Yeah. That looked bad.”

“Only one vehicle though. I wonder what happened to the other one?”

As they started to sit down, there came a knock at the door.

Andrew and Lauren looked at each other. No one ever knocked on their door, and it is how they liked it.

Lauren made it to the door first and opened it.

A young woman looked up from a notepad, “Wait… you?”

Lauren stared in shock for a moment, “Yes, me… And you?”

The woman caught herself staring, “Sorry. My name is Zora, I am a detective with the local police station. I am sure you noticed the accident down the street. The other driver took off and we have to see if anyone in the area knows anything.”

“Sorry. I got home after it happened, and my boyfriend was cooking at that time.”

Andrew had stepped up to the door, looking between the two women quizzically. The detective was striking, but why was Lauren acting so weird around her?

“Yeah, sorry. I heard it but didn’t see anything. And as you can see, we don’t have any cameras either,” Andrew chimed in.

“Also, is something going on here? This seems a little more awkward than a normal questioning should.”

Lauren blushed, “Sorry. Zora, this is my boyfriend, Andrew. And I am Lauren. I don’t think we actually exchanged names earlier.”

Turning towards Andrew, “I went to the coffee shop this morning to think and Zora stopped by my table to compliment me on the undercut.”

Andrew glanced between the women. Finally landing on Zora, “And I hope she complemented you right back.”

“She did…” Zora turned a glare towards Lauren, “Though she stated that she got the cut for a con…”

Lauren’s eyes got huge as she glanced down at Zora’s badge.

“Oh… He’s not… I mean…”

Zora burst out laughing.

“Don’t worry about it. You explained. But now you understand why I got worried at the coffee shop earlier.”

“Yes! Sorry about that,” Lauren blushed.

Zora decided to let the topic drop, “You picked out a new style yet?”

“No,” Lauren hung her head.

Zora looked at Lauren sympathetically, “Are you sure part of your hesitation isn’t due to how you think Andrew here will see you?”

Lauren’s head shot up to glare at the incredulous comment.

“Sorry,” Zora caught herself, “I am used to dealing with cons who need things said very bluntly sometimes. It slips out when it shouldn’t.”

Andrew looked at Lauren, concern written all over his face. He turned and headed back towards the table.

“Here is my card. It has a direct number for me. Call me if you think you have something in regards to the hit and run.”

Lauren took the card and looked at it.

“Or,” Zora continued, “You want to chat about hair stuff.”

“Thanks” Lauren said, closing the door.

“You know, you need to stop fretting over this and just make the appointment.”

“You’re right… Can I see if Rachel has an opening? I know it is an hour away, but even if it is just a decent chop, I would like to go to someone I can trust.”

“Sure.”

Lauren grabbed her phone and texted her friend. It only took a few moments for Rachel to say she had an opening two weeks out.

“Well, there it is. A haircut for two weeks from now.”

Andrew reached out and grabbed Lauren’s hand.

“I will love you no matter how your hair looks.”

Lauren looked at him dubiously but squeezed his hand anyway.

~*~

The two weeks crawled by for Lauren. She would lay awake at night, trying to decide what she wanted to do.

She knew she needed to go short, but how short?

Ultimately, she decided her best course of action would be to get a short bob.

If she was feeling daring, she might let it get high enough to expose the undercut at her nape.

It was simple, practical, and would give her some hair to style while she grew out the buzzed sides.

The morning of the appointment, she pulled into the parking lot a few minutes before her appointment and let out a huge breath. She was finally taking a step towards getting back to the self she used to be.

~*~

The bell jingled as she pushed open the front door to Rachel’s Hair Funk salon.

This was a nice place that Rachel had built. Stylish and sophisticated, but with a little bit of edge as well.

“Can I help you?” came the cheerful voice of the receptionist.

“Yes, haircut for Lauren.”

The receptionist checked something on her screen.

“Yes… Ok, you are all checked in. Have a seat and the stylist will be with you shortly.”

Lauren headed towards the waiting chairs.

‘Stylist?’ she thought, ‘I thought Rachel would be cutting my hair’

“You must be Lauren,” a young woman said as she approached the waiting area.

“I will be your stylist today.”

“I thought Rachel would be cutting my hair.”

“The boss?” the woman laughed, “I know she can cut hair, but she is way too busy running this place to take clients.”

Lauren stared at her slightly bewildered.

“Let me take you to the station.”

Lauren followed the stylist into a side room, away from the main section of the salon.

“These are our private stations. For those that want a more intimate experience.”

“Is this really what Rachel booked me for?” Lauren asked as she took in the dimmer lighting of the space.

“That is what it said,” as the stylist turned a chair towards Lauren, “We don’t book many people for in here. So enjoy it!”

Lauren lowered herself into the chair. It was a nice setup.

The stylist turned the chair so that Lauren was staring at herself.

“So, what sort of change are you looking for today?”

“I got an undercut about a month and a half ago, and realized that I don’t want to keep it,” Lauren started.

“I was thinking a short bob. Just long enough to cover the undercut.”

The stylist ran her fingers through Lauren’s long blonde hair. Playing with it, watching how it fell around her face.

“While a short bob would look great on you, are you sure that is all that you want cut off? You have amazing cheekbones that need to be shown off.”

“Yes. I have always had long, blonde hair, and I want to get back to that.”

“That may have been who you were but is that who you are?” came a voice from another door into the private studio.

Rachel stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

She pushed off and started strolling towards Lauren, a look of determination that almost scared Lauren.

“Sorry I wasn’t at the reception desk when you got here. Running a salon is busy work, and I had to take care of something.”

She stopped in front of Lauren, looking down on her.

“Do you know why I named this place Hair Funk? It was to attract people that are in a hair funk and help transform them into the person that they are.”

Lauren couldn’t help but stare at her friend. Rachel had always been fiery, but this level of intensity was something new.

“Now, if all you want to do is go back to your old standard, blonde self, we will do it, but there is something else that you need to consider before making your final decision. When Andrew found out where you were getting your haircut, he wanted to make sure that you got this before you made a final decision.”

Rachel produced a white envelope with Lauren’s name on the outside. She handed it over, almost with a reverence.

Lauren took it carefully. Andrew could be sweet, but this was going further than she would have expected.

She slowly opened it. There were no fancy images, or anything like that. Just a plain card.

What she found inside however, that shocked her.

 

Lauren,

I love you, and I will continue to love you no matter what you decide to do to your hair today. But, before you make your final decision, I need to tell you some things.

Our love might not be a traditional sort of love. In fact, I think I despised you when we first met. All my friends had seemingly paired up, and here you were, the classic blonde beauty that only the luckiest guys have a chance of dating. Then you ambushed me in my own home. To say this didn’t help my opinion of you would be a bit of an understatement.

That ambush helped me to start seeing the real you though. You are kind and compassionate, but also quick witted and funny. And yes, at times, you are a bit barbaric. When you decide what you want, you chase after it and take it, and this is what I love most of all about you. For the most part, you aren’t afraid to go after what you want. All of this makes you more beautiful on the inside than you could ever be on the outside.

I had intended to wait and surprise you with this next piece, but given what you are going through today, I think you should know now. The plan was to incorporate it into one of our games but now is as good a time as any. I am planning on proposing, and no matter what you do today, that will still happen, I would just prefer it be to the woman I know you want to be, not the woman you think you need to be.

So today, be the barbarian that I know you are. Let that woman barge in and take what she wants. Don’t let what you think everyone wants to see hold you back, because that is the woman that I fell in love with.

With all my heart,

Andrew

 

Lauren choked back sobs as she finished the letter.

“That must be some letter.” Rachel said as she leaned against the station counter.

Lauren looked up at her friend, tears rimming her eyes, “Andrew is going to propose!”

“Really?!”

“Yeah…” Lauren’s shoulders slumped as she looked back down at the letter.

“What’s wrong?”

“He just said that he would prefer to propose to the woman that I want to be, not the woman that I think others want me to be.”

Rachel smiled down at Lauren, “It sounds like Andrew sees that you aren’t showing the world who you are. So, are you going to take the easy road, or break free from the funk you are in?”

Lauren’s face slowly morphed from concerned to determined.

“You’re both right, I do need to make a change. Do you have time for a much larger change than a haircut?”

Rachel and the stylist both looked at Lauren with almost predatory glee.

“Around here, we make appointments to ensure that we have time to make you look like a completely different person.”

Lauren glanced between them, almost scared with anticipation.

Snapping out of it, she quickly dug into her pocket for her phone.

‘I am chopping my hair off. Can you meet up for coffee when I am done?’

It only took a moment for Zora to respond.

’Sure. Same shop as before?’

‘Yeah. I’ll let you know when I will be there’

Slipping her phone back into her pocket, she looked back up at Rachel who was clearly ready to get started.

“Here is what I want to do…”

Lauren outlined the idea. She couldn’t believe that she was planning on changing her look so completely, but Andrew’s words kept ringing in her ears.

By the time Lauren was done, Rachel was almost vibrating from excitement.

“I love it!”

Rachel was already grabbing the cape from the counter and stepping behind Lauren.

“I am going to enjoy taking this long blonde hair from your head!”

Lauren was confused, “I know I thought you would be my stylist initially, but isn’t she the stylist you put me with?” she glanced at the other woman who seemed content to stand back and watch for now.

“Don’t worry about me,” she shrugged, “We are all a little scissor happy here. And who am I to deny my boss the pleasure of taking that ponytail from you?”

Rachel had wasted no time in caping Lauren and pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

Reaching around Lauren to grab the scissors off the counter, “You ready to get out of this hair funk?”

Lauren’s heart skipped a beat.

Was she ready?

She glanced at herself in the mirror. Yes, she was ready.

Rachel snapped the scissors right behind Lauren’s ear, making her jump. Though a wild smile was starting to spread across her face.

“DO IT!” she called out.

Rachel wasted no time digging the scissors into Lauren’s ponytail and started sawing away at the decently thick locks.

Both women were almost laughing hysterically as the last remaining strands were severed.

Rachel tossed the now lifeless ponytail into Lauren’s lap.

Almost panting, Rachel stepped back in front of Lauren, “That was fun!”

Lauren looked at the hair that was now sitting in here lap, glee spreading across her face.

There was no going back now. She was making the change. Would this style be ‘her’, she didn’t know, but she was realizing that the process of finding out was going to be fun.

Lauren looked back up at her friend.

“While that was fun, this next part is even better, and you know it.”

The stylist had walked over and grabbed the clippers and was waving them behind Lauren’s head tauntingly.

Rachel’s hand shot to the back of her neck. The undercut that she got for the wedding still bristly under her fingers.

“You’re right, but I am going to have to wait to see your finished look. I have to keep this place from falling apart.”

Rachel leaned over and gave Lauren a peck on the cheek, “Make sure you don’t leave without saying bye.”

“I won’t.”

With that, Rachel slipped out of the room.

Before the door clicked shut, the ominous buzz of clippers engulfed the room.

Lauren squealed as the clippers were set on her neck, already savoring the delicious vibrations as they traveled up and down her spine.

“Oh, I am going to love working on you,” the stylist laughed as she started to push the clippers up Lauren’s nape.

Lauren’s shoulders jumped up to her ears as the clippers crested the occipital bone and the buzzing filled her head.

She had loved this feeling.

When Andrew had first given her the undercut, it was new and raw. Now she could enjoy every second of the clippers as the cut paths across her head.

The stylist took her time, but it still didn’t take long for the undercut to be taken higher, but also shorter into almost a bald fade.

“OK, I am going to rough chop the top down to length before we put the dye in,” the stylist said, breaking Lauren from her trance.

“Sounds good.”

Instead of buzzing, Lauren fell into the same trance, but with the snipping of the scissors. She was enjoying every second of this transformation.

The stylist didn’t even bother breaking Lauren out of the second round of euphoria that she seemed to be in and started applying the dye all over her head. Compared to her natural blonde locks, the brown dye was stark.

“I have to let the dye process for a bit,” the stylist whispered, “I will be back to rinse it out and finish shaping the cut.”

Lauren, starting to ‘wake up’, mumbled her thanks.

After a couple minutes, Lauren kept staring at herself in the mirror. Gone was the girl with the classic blonde hair. What stared back was a woman. Not quite finished, but it was clear what the outcome would be.

She grabbed the letter from the station and started re-reading Andrew’s words to her.

She knew there was something different about him when she first met him, but now she knew what that was. He saw her for who she was, not just who she pretended to be. That is something that is truly special.

A tear was sliding down Lauren’s cheek as the stylist returned to finish the metamorphosis.

The rest of the change happened in much more of a blur than the first part. The stylist wasted no time in washing out the dye and then finishing the shaping of the extremely short, textured pixie cut.

Lauren was amazed at how different she looked compared to when she walked in. She was all smiles as she walked towards the reception desk.

Rachel looked up and almost jumped over the counter to hug her friend.

“This is the start of a new you,” Rachel said as she broke the hug.

“Thank you for helping with this.”

“It’s what I do.”

“So, how much do I owe you for turning me into someone else?”

Rachel glared, “One, we didn’t turn you into someone else, we brought out the real you. Two, I got you this time! No charge for you.”

Lauren started in disbelief.

“Now,” Rachel said as she started pushing Lauren towards the door, “Go surprise that soon-to-be fiancé.”

Lauren stopped just outside the door, hand going to the back of her head.

Time to show the world the new me.

She texted Zora as she got in her car.

‘I can’t wait to see this new look’ came the almost immediate response.

~*~

Lauren sat in the coffee shop waiting for Zora to arrive.

As Zora entered, she quickly ordered and started looking around.

It was with no small amount of satisfaction, Lauren watched Zora scan past her multiple times without even stopping to consider that it was her. She loved that this new look completely changed who she was.

“Zora!”

Lauren waved as Zora’s attention snapped to her.

“OK, I have gotten used to people changing their appearance, but… WOW!”

Lauren laughed, “Yeah, well this wasn’t exactly planned.”

Zora sat, coffee in hand, “So, what prompted such a complete shift?”

“Andrew finally convinced me to take charge of my identity, and not be the person that people expect me to be.”

“Good for him. And what do you think of not having any hair on your head?”

“This has got to be one of the most freeing things I have done,” Lauren admitted.

“That it is.”

The women talked for a while, comparing notes on short hair and how it is seen by the public.

It didn’t take long for the sun to start getting lower, and before they realized it, Lauren’s phone buzzed.

‘I am cooking dinner for when you get here.’

“Is it that late already?” Lauren asked.

“It sure is. Time flies when you are in good company.”

“I guess I better reveal myself to the boyfriend,” Lauren sighed, “We need to get together again sometime.”

“We better!” Zora snapped back, “We short haired girlies need to stick together. And I want to hear what Andrew thinks of the new-and-improved Lauren.”

“He better like it or I will make him like it,” Lauren said with a wry grin as she got up.

~*~

Lauren arrived back at the apartment, butterflies roiling in her stomach.

What would Andrew think of this new look?

Lauren figured she needed to put on the best first impression that she could.

‘I am home. I want to get changed before you see me. Can you make sure that you are turned away?’

‘Sure. I am still cooking, and I promise not to peak’

Lauren quickly slipped into the house. As promised, Andrew had his back turned so that he didn’t see her as she made her way quickly to the bedroom.

She slipped into a skin hugging green dress that she loved to wear when they needed to dress up. It showed off all of her features in a way that made most men’s heads turn as she walked past.

Looking at her new haircut in the mirror with the dress, Lauren couldn’t help but notice that the new haircut made everything seem to stand out more. She couldn’t hide behind flowing blonde curls anymore.

She smiled as she walked out of the bedroom. Andrew had his head down as he lowered plates of food towards the table.

“You can look now.”

Andrew raised his head, hands hovering with the plates inches over the table.

There was a small crash as the plates slipped out of his hands and onto the table.

“Lauren!”

He rounded the table and reached for her.

“You really went for it, didn’t you?”

He wrapped his hand around her neck, rubbing the fuzz that was now the hair over the back and sides of her head.

Lauren laughed, “Yeah, it is a bit of a change.”

“Well, I like it.”

“Thank you,” she whispered as they kissed, “But I am starving. Let’s eat.”

Luckily the plates hadn’t broken when Andrew had dropped them and they quickly dug in. Though Andrew kept staring at the new shorn and brunette hair that sat on Lauren’s head.

“You know,” Lauren said between mouthfuls, “I only did this because of that letter you wrote.”

“Really?” Andrew started to blush.

“Yeah. I had decided to go for a simple bob to grow out the undercut until I read the way you described how you saw me. It made me realize that I needed to stop hiding.”

Andrew stared at Lauren for a moment, “Well, I am glad you are starting to see what I have for a while now.”

Lauren held his stare for a moment, “Are you really going to propose?”

Andrew’s blush grew bigger as he quickly excused himself and went to the bedroom.

He quickly returned with a large ring box.

He sat back down and opened it.

Lauren stared for a moment.

“Wait, is that ring based on my barbarian axe?” she asked as she choked back a half laugh, half sob.

“It is,” Andrew confirmed, “And this other one is based off of my staff.”

“Of course you would be nerdy enough to have rings made that represent those,” Lauren laughed as she smacked his shoulder.

“What else would you expect from the geek of this relationship.”

Andrew grew more serious, “Will you marry me… barbarian.”

Lauren lifted the axe ring out of the box.

Turning her eyes to lock them with his, “Of course I will, wizard.”