My roommate was a real creep. I used to think the good kind, you know? Actually, we were pretty good friends: We both had no clue how we got accepted. Sif university, we might as well be at Harvard! That, and we both had kinks for long hair; freaky, but the good freaky. But recently, the guy’s gone off the deep end! He kept talking about magic, potions, and other crazy fantasy mumbo jumbo. Even up until he got arrested! Now, all that’s left of him is the junk he left in our dorm. Oh well, finders keepers.
I got into his room to find it empty. I know he’s gotta be hiding something in here! Looking around reveals something hidden under his bed, a shoebox! Popping it open, there sat two plastic jars inside. But picking up the box, I heard something tumbling inside! Between the two bigger pint-sized jars, lie a red tube, the size of a piece of lipstick. On it was written in marker, ‘Love potion’. What the hell…
Now that I see it, the other two are labelled too! One was full of a lime green slime. On the front was a piece of tape that said: “Brains 2 manes, turns intelligence into hair”. The other was full of a clear gel, labelled “manes 2 brains, turns hair into smarts” What was this guy on!? There is no way any of this stuff could be real, obviously!
I look out the window of my dorm, on the fourth floor. Right underneath is a goth girl reading a book. Her hair was a black dyed bob cut. She’s the perfect guinea pig! If it didn’t work, then she’d have no way of knowing where it came from. But it it did…
“Well, here goes nothing.” I say as I scoop a dollup of the green goo. It was a bullseye, landing right on here head! I duck back from the window just as I hear “Who threw that!?” I shouldn’t investigate, but my curiosity gets the better of me. Downstairs from the front door, I seen her groaning into her book. But her hair was now on her shoulders, and burnette at the roots! “No way.” I grabbed something from my room, just in case.
Stepping outside I talk to her. “Hey, is everything alright?” She gives me some more groanings. “Ugh, I wish there were pictures in this book…” The apparently college student says. “Oh, and someone dropped something sticky on me!” I had an opporotunity, and I took it. “Oh, was it something like this?” As another, green chunk dropped on her!
“Yeah!” She exclaims. Unbelievable, it really works! “L-let me get that out for you!” I said, going behind her. “Tha-” but her thanks was drawn out as the sticky ooze was rubbed into her scalp! “Ah! ah~” They yelped as I began playing with her slicked hair. It was soft, and grew longer with every touch! Her jaw quivered as I kneaded, tugged, and brushed her newly growing hair. “Ah…” sighing as the deed was done. Her once black hair was now a chestnut brown, down to her butt! Looks like working it in really improved the results! “How do you feel now?” She gave me a big grin. “Goood…” She was reduced to a mouth-breather!
There was only one thing left to do. Time to claim the prize! Getting out my secret weapon, a battery powered electric clipper, and plenty of hairbands. And, right in broad daylight, shave the girl! She hummed softly as the clippers ran down her head. Row by row, making her mind permanently slow! She was left with a smile, as her ponytail fell off her now bald head! There I stood, holding about three feet of soft brown hair! She was rubbing her bald scalp as I put away the evidence. “Mmm, smooth…”
Scurrying back upstairs, ponytail in hand, it was time to plan! Who would be next? Where to go? I needed to be smart! I needed to- just then the clear jar caught my eye. I needed to test. Looking over the jar again, there had been another label the reads ‘mix with hair, then drink.’ Gross, was I really about to drink liquid hair? I let a drop fall into my hard-won prize, producing a sizzle. I mixed them together, watching the burnette hair loosen into a texture like brownie batter! After collecting it in a glass, it was nothing but a dark brown liquid. I tilted my head back and took a swig.
Shockingly, the taste was quite welcoming, sweet but also quite flowery. That’s when I felt it, the mental surge. So much that seemed incomprehensable now was not but simplicity. A sensation graced the back of my neck as finished the glass. Inexplicably, I had grown the burnette’s mane! The black dye seemed to coalese into the natural color, leaving me with a rich chocolate hue! As much as I’d accept this turn of events, doing so would draw suspition. And so, with another hairband, I buzz it away once again.
With the surge subsiding, I have the answer to my problem. Mei Yuun, the chinese girl, and undisputed smartest girl in school. Not only that, but her jet black hair naturally hangs down to her lower back! And this was the perfect day to strike. Today was a massive football game, nearly the entirety of male students was there, and plenty of girls too. The only ones who weren’t were bookworms, like my goth guinea pig. They would be in the library, with the honor studies, the geeks, and the nerds.
The smart girls…
The first thing to do at the library was make sure the coast was clear. At the front entrance, Miss Waverly sat at her desk. She was the librarian, and the only teacher in the building! She was in her late thirties and had a bun of light blonde hair. I showed her my card and walked out behind her, then dipped my fingers in the slimey product. Without warning, I walked up behind her, and plunged my hand into her hair! Her hair was in a tight bun, but soon it was slumping down her back! “H-hey!” Ms.Waverly jumped out of her seat, her ash blonde hair touched her love handles! She stood up and turned to me, “What did you do?” She was serious, but I couldn’t help but smile at the once modest bun dangling at her hips! “Let me fix it!” I blurted out. She narrowed her eyes at me “You better.” And she sat back down, facing away from me.
But oh, I did not. Coating my hands in the green gel, I attacked her head with twice the effort! “Mmm…” she moaned as I kneaded the sticky goo into her head. Miss Waverly must have been wise beyond her years, for her hair soon touched the floor! She leaned back, relaxing at her newfound simplicity. As the finishing touch, I undid the bun at the end of her twelve feet of hair! “Much better…” she sighed, content with her new length. Cooing and giggling, she pawed at her blonde lengths, fawning at the softness, letting them swallow her face, tossing them back. “Wow! I’m like rapunzel!” I think I’ll let her keep them, for now.
Now that the library was unguarded, my fun could really begin! I seeked out my next victim in no time at all. A redhead with a pixie cut, sitting along the wall. I snuck up behind her, with an idea: how much could I do with the least amount of gel? My last exploit left a dent in my supply, and I wanted to conserve. With only a drop on my finger, it began to probe her head! I was thorough, trying to coat as much of her scalp as possible. “Hey, what are you doing?” She lifted her hands up, as I began to work it in! Her hands slowed down as hair cascaded down her neck. She turned around, her wavy red locks now touching her collar bone. “What was that for?” She asked. “Oh, something was in your hair!” I lied. The gullable girl reached up, “Did you get it?” As I dipped another finger in the ooze, “Almost.”
After another round of probing, it went down to her mid back! “Got it!” I said. “Thaaanks.” I was pulling out my clippers, when she says “wait a minute, my hairs longer!” Uh-oh…
“How’d that happen?” She asked earnestly. That was close, she was just aware enough to realise what happened! “Well, do you like it?” She plays with it for a moment. “Uh… nah! I like my shorter hair!” Showing her the clippers, “Want me to cut it?” She cracked a smile “yes please!” With the rest tied up, her hair was buzzed back to a pixie cut! “Tha-anks!” She waved me off.
It only used two drops, but that was way too risky! I needed a safety net! Using an empty water bottle, I used the ‘manes to brains’ to turn the wavy red hair into a strawberry red mixture. I’ll keep it with me, just in case.
But my plan was straightforward: Find Mei, get her dumb enough to drink the love potion, and turn her back. Ok, maybe turn her back. And, if I happen to find any other heads while hunting, why not?
As I walk up the library stairs, I hear giggling. Speaking of which…