Camper Hell

Swear to god, it never stops. His little quirps, comments about my hair have literally made me a basket case. His latest comment as we pulled into the campground for a month of R&R was something to the effect of:

“Babe when we get all set up, that shit’s coming off” rubbing my head telling me my hair has gotten just plain nappy. Jesus, it’s barely touching my ears for god’s sake.

After an hour of getting the RV set up, I sat for a glass of wine to relax.

“Get the clippers out babe, we need to get you cleaned up, we’re here for a month” He says with a shit grin knowing all well I fucking hate him buzzing me just as it starts to grow out somewhat after my last shearing.

He left to go to the campground office and as usual, I got the “box” as he calls it, an assortment of clippers and shit he takes with him everywhere. What a fucking wierdo, right?

“At least do it outside, I’ve just cleaned up in here, I don’t want freaking hair all over the floor of the RV” I said as he motioned for me to step outside. True to form he quickly set up a chair on one side of the rig and had me in a cape.

Here’s his little fucking game…

“So, how much are we taking off today Ms. Walker?

*Note – If I say I want it real short, he’s left it a bit longer. I say just a slight trim and he fucking scalps me to the skin.

“Just a light trim please” I say and after two minutes or so, he actually left it longer – still touching the ear.

Just as he was removing the cape, another RV was backing in, 2 families getting out of the rig.

“Hi jack” the old guy said looking in our direction. “Thanks for the tip at the camp store, this is great spot!” he said. now all of the group on the outside of the rig, 3 older women perhaps my age walking around.

I felt the cape snap back on, and I knew my sicko husband would be showing his stripes for sure now.

“Is the campground barber open?” one of the bitchy looking women looked over at me.

“Sure is” as Jack pressed my head forward and clicked on his “go to” #000 blade, making sure I saw him attach it to the clippers.

“We’re running short on time tonight, need to get her buzzed tight before the sunset – it’s beautiful this time of year don’t you all think” as he whispered in my ear.

“Let’s give em a show babe, how bout it” he said.

It took all of 2 minutes. Sheared down to skin, moving my head side to side, the clippers removing everything, I was shorn down to skin. I can only imagine what those ladies were thinking watching him sahve me like a fucking Marine recruit.

They all looked on, a few snickered , one in shock. He shut the machine off and walked over to grab a beer with a few of the men as I sat in the chair, hair all over the cape. I got up and walked into the camper. I cleaned off the hair, showered, fucking pissed as usual, and sat for a moment scrolling through Facebook. A text came from Jack:

Come on out babe, they are doing smore’s over the campfire, and oh, bring the “box” one of the ladies needs a cut, she thinking of going bald. Told her I would take you down smooth bald just to make sure that’s what she wants! Remember, when the clipper comes on, drop that fucking head – I don’t want our camper neighbors thinking you’re a bit combative.  Love you!