Covid Cuts

The Covid pandemic had shut down the world and forced me, along with my parents and my sister, to be stuck in the house.
After months of lockdown, my mother became what I call Covid Crazy. She was fearful of the disease and was certain it was here to stay.
She noticed that my father and I began looking unkept, as we hadn’t had a haircut in months. She was convinced that this lockdown would go on for a long time, so after seeing TikTok videos of people cutting their hair at home, she decided she could give it a try. She ordered a Wahl Home Haircutting Kit from Amazon which came with four attachments:
#4 -1/2”
#3 – 3/8”
#2 – 1/4”
#1 – 1/8”
When it arrived, my mother showed my father the attachments and asked, “What number do you want to start with?” My father, unsure of my mother’s abilities pointed to me and said, “Let’s start with him first, so it’ll help me decide which number to use”.
Hearing this, I immediately protested. I had virtual school and didn’t want to be seen online with a home haircut, especially a buzzcut. But my parents persisted. My father had me me sit down on a kitchen chair, while my mother cut a hole in the bottom of a trash bag and slipped it over me and the chair, securing me to the chair and constricting my arms inside the bag.
My father looked over the attachments and said, “Number 4 has big teeth. It must cut off a lot. Better start with a number 1”. My father clipped on the attachment and handed the clippers to my mother. When turning them on, the sudden snap as the clippers as they came to life startled my mother. She giggled as it vibrated in her hand.
Armed with her knowledge from Tic Tok videos, she ran clippers down the center of my head, leaving a path of 1/8 inch hair behind. Surprised, she looked at my father who simply said, “Just keep going”. She then started pushing the clippers around haphazardly. At first, she had no rhythm, just randomly lopping of swatches of my hair, until she got the hang of it. Before long, she was peeling off my hair like a military barber.
After ensuring every hair was buzzed to 1/8”, she turned off the clippers and asked my father what he thought. As he removed me from my trash bag constraints, he said, “Looks good”, but I think I I got the attachments backwards.”
Placing my hand on my head, I felt stubble. I then ran to the bathroom to assess the damage. Meanwhile, my father changed the guard to a #3 and handed the clippers to my mother. My sister, who had been recording my haircut with her phone and taking pictures, was tasked with putting the garbage bag over my father.
My mother once again turned on the clippers, only now, she was comfortable handling them. She grinned from ear to ear as she ran the clippers up and down my father’s head, saying “This is fun, I think I missed my calling in life”.
I returned to the kitchen dejected, but took solace as I watched within minutes, she reduced my father’s hair to 3/8” length.
When finished, she freed my father from the chair. My mother ran her hand over my father’s head and smiled saying “I love how yours feels, it’s so soft.
As my father headed to the bathroom to see how he looked, my mother caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror. Her grey roots had grown in quite a bit since she hadn’t had her hair dyed since lockdown. She thought to herself, I wonder what the #4 guard would feel like.
Suddenly, with a crazed look in her eyes, she clipped on the #4 attachment. She told my sister to start the video, the with one deft movement, she sent the clippers down the center of her own head, leaving a path of grey fuzz behind. My sister filmed in shock as my mother giggled like a schoolgirl, sending tufts of hair to the floor.
My father heard the commotion, and was shocked to find his wife standing there, giggling, as she was buzzing her hair off. He asked her what she was doing, but she ignored him, and continued to euphorically mow through her hair.
When she was done, she began rubbing her head and said “Oooh, this feels so good, like velvet”. My father, seeing my mother with her new grey buzzcut, said, “I hate to admit it, but you look better now than you did before”. My sister added, saying, “It was a great idea to get rid of your dyed hair. Your natural color looks amazing.
As my sister was snapping photos, my mother looked at my sister and said, “Your roots have grown out too, why don’t you take a seat, so I can bring you back to your natural color”. My sister’s hair was just past her shoulders and she had no intention of joining her buzzed family.
Like me, my sister objected, but my mother explained that we were going to be trapped in our house for a long time due to the virus, and she could simply cut her hair short to a pixie, and it would probably grow back by the time the lockdown was lifted.
Begrudgingly, my sister sat down. My mom then put the trash bag over my sister and the chair, securing her to the chair and constricting her arms inside the bag, then asked me to bring her the utility shears from the kitchen.
With a new tool in hand, my mother began hacking off my sister’s hair. The dull utility shears sawed through my sister’s hair leaving it uneven. I could see she was unhappy with the way my sister’s hair was looking. Frustrated, she put down the shears.
When she put the scissors down, my sister thought she was done and asked to have the bag taken off her so she could see her new hair.
My mother suddenly had an idea and said, “I’m not done yet, you’re gonna love this”.
She then picked up the clippers that still had the #4 guard on it and switched it on, roaring it back to life. As she approached my sister, who was unable to move, my sister shouted out, “What are you…NOOOOOO!”
The clippers ate a path of hair right down the center of my sister’s head. She screamed in terror, but my mother was undeterred. She continued to mow through my sister’s hair, sending clumps of to the floor. Through her tears, my sister cried out, “You said you weren’t going to buzz me!” Calmly, my mother replied “Stop your sobbing, you’re gonna love this when I’m done. And besides, the scissors weren’t doing a good job, this will leave your hair even”.
Within a few minutes, my mother transformed my sister’s hair from long, bleach blond locks to into a soft, velvety brown buzzcut. When she was released from the chair, She felt her head and ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. The horror of seeing her reflection made her burst into tears once again.
My father tried to console her, telling her she reminded him of Charlize Theron’s Furiosa character. Hearing that and thinking we wouldn’t be leaving the house anytime soon seemed to make her feel better, however a week later, the Government announced Covid restrictions were lifted, and we could leave the house. Thankfully when we did, we wore masks so no one recognized us.

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