Pankajneeraj
It was Dec 2019. My husband, Nandakumar flew to USA for a six month on-shore assignment for his MNC software company. I worked in a different software company and with three daughters Shubha 12, Smita 10 and Supriya 8, there was no way I could accompany him.
But then came Covid-19 and its lockdowns, flight cancellations, etc. My husband Nandu could not return to Bangalore, in spite of flight bubbles being arranged by the government. His company advised him to continue his stay in USA. And he was stuck there.
Though both of us worked in IT companies, we retained our basic Indian culture and practices. When I got married in 2006, my 50 year old f-i-l worked in an MNC as a senior engineer while 46 year old m-i-l worked as a teacher in a High School. About 2 months after the marriage, I was shocked when my m-i-l told me to get a short boycut. She said “Kalyanai, since times are changing, you need not stick to the ‘no haircut for females’ tradition of our family. A boycut exposing the ears would be easy to maintain and look really nice with a saree”. I politely but firmly told her that I liked my hair long and I preferred to stick to the ‘no haircut for females’ tradition. She became angry at my refusal to cut my hair short.
I said “Atte (addressing my m-i-l), I am shocked that the leading lady of a traditional household desires her d-i-l to get a boycut. But why do you wish to break that tradition?” She excitedly said “I have seen a few young ladies of your age with a short and nice boycut. They look so cute with it! I am desirous of seeing my d-i-l also in that style. And I somehow feel that a change in our practice in this hair thing would be good for the family.
We can change some traditions if it is for the good of the family, isn’t it?”
I told her that if so, why does she not go and get a boycut? She smiled and said “First the youngsters, that too a new d-i-l, should do it, dear”. I said with a giggle, “Atte, go ahead and get a boycut. If you wait for me, you will never be able to fulfil your desire of a boycut.” She made an angry face muttering “How dare you talk back like that?” and went away. I stuck to my ground. And neither my f-i-l nor Nandu took sides. Nandu said “You will look great either way. You and mom settle this hair thing between yourselves. Don’t drag me into this.” Similar thing was said by my f-i-l.
When Shubha completed 2 years in 2009, my m-i-l pressurised me, with support from f-i-l, to accept to tonsure the kid in Tirumala and again a year later. I put up some fight to prevent it, but finally I gave in. Like this, we made an annual trip to Tirumala and six years went by when my daughters were tonsured twice one by one in Tirumala. Of course, they all looked cute with their gundu (shaved) heads. But I felt guilty of having broken the family tradition of ‘no haircut for females’. But if the senior lady of the house herself insists, what could I do?
After Shubha turned 5, m-i-l wanted me to keep her hair a boycut. I flatly refused and she became angry. But she did not put up any fight and said “I have said this for the kid’s good. If you do not want to listen, what can I do?” Same thing happened when the other two grew up. Whenever I was frantically running around with short of time to do the hairs of the three kids and myself, she would rub it in saying “I told you so” or “Did I not tell you?” or “Short is best” and so on and irritate me. Yet, I did not give in.
Cutting my and my kids’ hair short was the only sticky point between me and my m-i-l. Otherwise she is a great motherly figure and I became very close to her within a year of my marriage.
Now in 2020, lockdowns, masks, closure of schools, on-line schools, no physical contact, WFH for me all became the norm for a while. F-i-l had retired in 2016 and m-i-l would retire in Dec 2020. But she had to go to school after the lockdown was lifted since on-line classes had started. Nandu stayed in USA. I did WFH. The kids did on-line classes.
In September 2020, bad news struck our family like a thunderbolt. Nandu was diagnosed with Covid in USA and he had been hospitalised. He was under ventilator support. We were devastated. Nandu’s Indian friend in USA who looked after him strongly advised against any of us travelling to USA under these conditions even if a flight under the air-bubble could be managed. He and his wife would take care of Nandu. So we dropped plans of me rushing there but the entire family kept our fingers crossed hoping for an early recovery.
M-i-l was in tears but held back them to console me. F-i-l was very sad and tried his best to console the two of us.
The next day, Shubha complained of some body pain. We were scared whether she had contracted Covid. We got her tested. No Covid. The doctor prescribed testing her blood for Vitamin deficiency. And lo and behold! B12 was below the permissible lower limit and D was way below. The doctor asked us whether we are allowing Shubha to go out regularly in the morning Sun or not. Then I realised with horror – f-i-l and m-i-l never missed their morning walk, I went out only for some purchases once in a while and I had not allowed the kids to go out fearing any contracting of the virus, in spite of being advised otherwise by my m-i-l.
The same day, I got the other two girls and myself tested for Vitamin level. And the fears became true – we three were also going in the direction of Vitamin shortage though not quite there. Shubha was prescribed Vitamin supplements for a month. By then four days had passed since hearing the Covid news about Nandu.
All the four of us started morning jogging with some skin exposure as advised by the doctor. We supplemented our food with more greens, vegetables, etc. I felt silly doing all these while my husband was battling for his life some 20 thousand km away. I just did not know what to do. For the first time after my marriage I wept bitterly in the bosom of my m-i-l.
A tearful m-i-l consoled me and said “You can do all these things for the kids, but for Nandu you can only pray to Lord Venkateshwara. I suggest that you take some vow and do some extra pooja daily so that his blessings are bestowed. I am sure Nandu will safely come out of this.”
At that moment I remembered a conversation in Tirumala which happened when we had last gone there for the second tonsure of Supriya. That was some five years ago. When we were waiting for Supriya’s turn for her gundu in Kalyanakatta, I was astonished to find a 35 year old educated urban lady standing ahead of us in the queue. She had a bright smile and looked very happy and eager to get tonsured. I asked her why she was getting a gundu and casting off her beautiful hip long tresses. She smiled brightly and said “My husband was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors said that they could not guarantee much and anything could happen to him. I decided that my hair is nothing in front of my husband’s life and so I took permission from my in-laws and vowed a tonsure if he recovers. After a year we got the report that he is out of danger. So I am here to complete the vow.” She was very happy after she became a baldy.
I looked at my m-i-l and requested with teary eyes “Can I take a vow of gundu if he recovers? Will you and maava (f-i-l) permit me?” I had not seen a smile on anybody’s face in the house since we got the news of Nandu’s Covid problem. But now, m-i-l wiped her tears, smiled brightly, caressed my hairy head and said “That is a very good idea, dear. Come, let us have a word with your f-i-l. I doubt whether Nandu will like this. But we will convince him.” F-i-l, a man deeply concerned for the wellbeing of his son, said “Very good idea, dear. Why only you? Let all of us, including your m-i-l, get gundu in Tirumala after Nandu becomes all right and returns home.”
It took some effort to convince the three girls that the tonsure is for the wellbeing of their dear father. But the three finally accepted. So I took the tonsure vow for myself, Nandu and the kids. M-i-l took the tonsure vow for herself and f-i-l. Starting that day all the five females did about 20 minutes of bhajan in morning and evening, while m-i-l and I took only one time food till Nandu recovered and went home in USA. And after ten days of stay in the hospital, Nandu recovered and went back home. Lord Venkateshwara had listened to our impassioned plea and now we had to fulfil our vow. But, for that to happen, Nandu had to return to Bangalore. And going to Tirumala would be another challenge with Covid still around.
It was only in end October that Nandu could get the air bubble flight to Bangalore. By then fortunately, Shubha had also recovered. I was really happy that my prayers had been answered and I did not mind one bit of losing my hair temporarily. When I told Nandu of the vow that we have to fulfil, he was not fully happy. “I will do it happily. But why you ladies and the girls have to do it? Anyway, a vow is a vow and let us fulfil it at the earliest” he said. We thought of doing it about a month later by which time Nandu would recover fully.
We got the Tirumala slot in first week of December. The seven of us travelled to Tirumala in two cars – my Alto and Nandu’s Innova since the government had restricted number of passengers in cars to just 4. With the reduced crowd, we enjoyed our pilgrimage fully. I submitted my head to the female barber very happily. The sensations the scraping of my wet hair sent in my body were heavenly! How nice it is to get tonsured in this holy place! All the seven were happily and beautifully bald when we returned. I was extremely happy with my smooth dome. My three girls also were happily caressing their cue ball heads. M-i-l also looked cute with her round head. Nandu apologised for having expressed unhappiness at the gundu proposal. “All of you look so beautiful as baldies! I can’t take my eyes off your smooth domes!”
Back home, m-i-l put a bomb. She commanded “Look Kalyani, now you cannot say no. Your WFH has not ended. Kids’ physical classes will not resume any time soon. Having cut our hair fully in Tirumala, there should not be any bar henceforth to cutting your or your daughters’ hairs. So without doing any ‘nakra’ (refusal) agree to what I say. Keep your and the kids’ heads smooth for three months and go out in the Sun in the mornings. Later keep a neat machine boycut for you and the kids.”
After the tremendous motherly support she gave during Nandu’s health crisis, how can I say no? So, I happily said yes. But with a mischievous smile I dragged her also into the plan saying “Happily I will do as you say. But only if you agree to stay bald for a month and keep a boycut for a year.” She was taken aback but caressing my bald head affectionately said “You naughty girl! Ok. I will do as you say.”
Nandu was no longer indifferent to hair things. He was very enthusiastic on his mom’s proposal. He bought clippers, attachments and open razor to keep our heads bald regularly. I was hesitant to use the open razor but m-i-l forced me to use it to shave her and the kids’ heads smooth thrice a week. Initially I was nervous but in two weeks I got the hang of it and made the heads of all the four females smooth with razor. She was very happy to have retired from her school with a smooth pate on Dec 31. But she used a safety razor to shave me bald thrice a week.
After a month, m-i-l started to grow her hair. As desired by her, I and the kids remained bald for three months and we all enjoyed our bald heads. We started growing our hair from mid-March 2021.
M-i-l’s hair was long enough for a boycut by March end. While it was easy to clipper and shave her bald, I was not as confident of giving a good clipper boycut to her. She said “We have come this far. You try it. If it goes bad you can shave it all off.” So I tried a clipper boycut on her in end March. Though I took about half an hour, the result was good – a neat skin fade on back and sides and combable short hair on top. All giggled at her looks but she was really happy. In the next two months, I cut her hair faster and better and became a good barber.
In early June, I took the three kids to barbershop and the four got identical short clipper boycuts. The barber laughed and asked “Madam, why this style for you also? It does not suit for you.” I told him to do it anyway. I would stop it after sometime if it does not suit. Seeing the clippers mow hair on the back and sides to skin on my kids’ heads was a beautiful sight. I should have listened to m-i-l’s words long ago. And when he ran the clippers on my nape and sides, I felt that I foolishly missed this beautiful experience all these years. After the cut, the barber himself was astonished and said “Madam, this style looks really good on you.” Even kids were also happy with their boyish clipper cuts and their mom’s clipper boycut.
Back home, in private, I apologised to my m-i-l for having avoided a boycut all these years and missed the beautiful experience. Then the naughty side of m-i-l surfaced when she said with a mischievous smile “Kalyani, how much I wished those days to have a boycut bahu (d-i-l) who would conceive and deliver her kids with fresh and neat boycuts! Just imagining your boycut head bobbing up and down as my son drilled you pumping his birth fluid into you would excite me very much. I also thought that female kids made from a boycut mom would have a higher chance of liking boycut themselves. Anyway, better late than never and happily the kids also are liking it.” Oh! she could be so raw in her language in private, yet very pleasant!
F-i-l liked his wife’s short boyish style very much and suggested that she keep it regularly. And she happily agreed. Nandu also wanted me to keep the style. I also happily agreed. The girls themselves wanted to keep it this way. So all the five females in our house continued to keep a neat clipper boycut. I did m-i-l’s clipper cut at home, while we four got it in the barbershop.
We had decided to do a family gundu once in five years after we came back from Tirumala. The next Tirumala gundu would be sometime in 2025. The girls didn’t want to wait for so long. Shubha said “Why don’t you keep us bald in the summers yourself?” So, in early April 2022, I myself shaved their heads first with #1 clippers and then with the open razor. And I kept their heads smooth thrice a week with open razor till the schools started. They were very happy to go around with cue ball heads.
Now in Sep 22, we are all back with our barbershop clipper boycuts. I continue to give my m-i-l a boycut myself. And come April 2023, I will again shave the heads of the three girls for a month. I am now extremely thankful to m-i-l who ‘forced’ me to keep a boycut. The feel of the clippers is so great for one thing and the style is so hassle-free, easy to maintain, feels great to caress and looks majestic in a saree.
