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It’s Friday afternoon and Roberta Torres is on her way to try outs for the Kensington Collegiate Football team. Arriving at the field promptly at the 4 pm start time Roberta heads up to Coach Walter Garrick, the beer-gutted man cautiously watches her as she jogs over to him sticking her hand out when she reaches him. “Hello Coach Garrick, my name is Roberta Torres.” He shakes her hand “How can I help you Ms Torres?” “Uh, I’m here for the football team try-outs.” She says perkily, Coach Garrick looks her up and down “I don’t know football can be a bit rough, we don’t want you getting hurt” “Oh don’t worry Coach, I’ve been playing football for years. In fact I brought some references from my high school coach,” She pulls a stack of papers out of her backpack “I was all-state Tight End 3 years in a row and hold the state records for most receiving yards in a season and most successful receptions.” Garrick takes the papers out of her hands and stares at them for a few moments before handing them back and sighing “Listen, Torres was it?” Roberta nods “Torres I just can’t have you on our team it’s too dangerous for some of the guys out there and they’re twice your size. Plus with some of your other uh…features I’d run the risk of players getting distracted or hurt.” Roberta stares confused “Features, what does that mean?” Garrick scratches the back of his head “Your uh your…” Roberta starts tapping her foot “My what, coach?” He turns around “Your hair Torres, it’s too damn long alright. I’m afraid it’ll slip out of the helmet, distract our boys with it flying around, and potentially hurt you if someone grabs it by mistake. I can’t even remotely accept you onto the team with it the way it is.” And with that statement Garrick walks away from Roberta heading over to the gathering mass of players in the middle of the field.

Roberta runs back to her dorm tears welling in her eyes “What bullshit,” she shouts into the empty room “barring me from the team because of my hair, how fucking sexist!” Roberta stomps into the bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror “That fucking asshole!” she shouts at her reflection punching the countertop and knocking down a pair of scissors. She bends down to pick them back up still ranting “As if my hair counters 3 years of amazing playing. I’m probably better than most of the guys on the fucking team even with it.” She opens a drawer to put the scissors into “Like it’s only my hair, bet if I was a guy with that sort of record he’d beg to have me on his team with even longer hair.” Roberta blows some of it out of her face “He probably just said that because he wanted to blame on something that was my fault. Figured ‘She’s a frilly little girl I’ll just blame it on her hair she’ll never get rid of that’. Sexist jackass…” She stops herself from dropping the scissors into the drawer “Well you know what Coach, I’m not just some frilly girl!” Roberta runs into her bedroom and grabs a hair tie from her dresser. Returning to the bathroom she pulls her hair back into a tight pony getting it as close to the back of her head as she can. She picks up the scissors and begins to cut away at the tail

Scrunch Scrunch Scrunch

The scissors bite through it slowly

Scrunch Scrunch Sruuuuunnchhh

Finally they find the last remaining hairs and snip them off severing the 3 feet of hair from Roberta’s head and leaving her with a small bob that barely reaches past her ears after she trims up the uneven ends. “There that should satisfy Coach Garrick.” She says examining herself in the mirror. A voice appears in the back of her mind ‘It’s not enough.’ It whispers “What, but there’s no way it can escape my helmet now.” ‘You’ve got to show commitment to the team. No one else has hair this long; prove to the coach that you are just as dedicated as they are.’ It tells her. Roberta squares her shoulders, “You’re right,” she says with a hard look in her eyes “I’ve got to prove my loyalty to the team, and then Coach Garrick can’t deny me!” She picks the scissors back up and starts chipping away at the remaining hair on her head

snip snip snip snip,

 snip snip snip,

snip snip snip snip snip snip

Soon she is left with only about 1 ½” of hair left on her head, barely enough for a pixie. Roberta then pulls out her leg shaving supplies and places the can of cream and razor package on the counter-top. She sprays a larger amount of cream onto her hand and rubs it into the back and sides of her hair until it is all covered in a foamy, whiteness. Taking one of the razors out of the package she begins to scrape away at the hair on the left side of her head

Shhhckt shhhckt shhhhhhhckkkkttt

Shhhckt shhhckt shhhckt schkt

shhhckt shhhckt shhhckt shhhckt shhhhhhhhcckkttt

The razor rasps as it scrapes the inch length hairs from Roberta’s head leaving a pale path of skin desperately in need of sunlight. Roberta runs her hand along the freshly shaved swath checking it’s smoothness before moving onto her right side and repeating the process

Shhhckt shhhckt shhhckt

Shhhckt shhhckt shhhckt shhhckkkkkkttttt

Shhhckt shhhckt shhhhhhhhhhhhhccccccckkkkkkkttttt shckt

Soon enough the right side is just as clean as the left and the only hair left on Roberta’s head is on the back and top. Reaching back Roberta begins removing the last remaining hairs from the back and top of her head continuing to follow the path she leaves with her free hand checking for misses, until her entire head is as smooth as the day she was born. “There now Coach Garrick can’t blame my hair for denying me.”

The next day Roberta returns to the football field in a red hoodie “Torres I already told you, I can’t let you on the team because…” The man stops as Roberta lowers her hood “Because of why again Coach?”

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