Tacky and Upsetting
Vince was sick of waiting. He’d given Hannah three chances to pay her arrears, and there was still an excuse.
He was a good landlord, he fixed the property, he was easy going, no rent increases in six years for anybody in the HMO on Hanwood Avenue, and this was how he was treated?
Enough was enough.
He unlocked the door, and stomped through to the kitchen.
It was 12 noon and he knew Hannah would still be in because her shift at the Amazon warehouse didn’t end until 1am.
Two people were in the shared kitchen taking over lunch: Nathan, a scruffy media type who worked from home and seemed to live in the kitchen, and Nicoleta, the blonde Polish girl with the tattoos who always wore band tees.
She worked with Hannah and always tried coming to her rescue.
They both stiffened when they saw Vince walk in.
‘Relax, I’m not here for either of you. Where’s Hannah?’
‘Her room.’ Nicoleta stood. ‘Everything alright?’
‘Fine.’ Vince turned on his heels and stomped up the stairs. He banged on Hannah’s door. He waited three seconds and banged again.
Hannah was mixed race, had naturally frizzy hair, was curvy if you were being generous and fat if you weren’t. She had a double chin, but it was made up for with her enormous breasts. She opened the door, rubbing her eyes, dressed in pink pyjamas with her hair up in a tight bun. ‘Hi?’ She sounded nervous.
Vince didn’t mince his words. ‘I need the rent, Hannah.’
‘Shit, I know. Sorry. I had that credit card bill to pay, then they cancelled my overtime and right after that I got ill, I promise, I will pay you everything, I’ve just had a really rough time.’
‘Yeah, so have I, with tenants not paying me. I’ve had enough, I’ve heard it all now. You need to pay.’
‘I – I,’ Hannah stuttered, eyes watering. ‘I don’t have it right now. I’m in my overdraft, I’m like a thousand pounds overdrawn.’
‘And that’s my problem, is it?’
‘I know, I know it’s not, I get that, please, just give me more time,’ she was pleading now, ‘I’m cooked if you evict me.’
‘You’ve got two choices. I either serve you an eviction notice,’
She screwed her face up, as if in pain. ‘…Please…’
‘Or, you get in the car and we take a ride into town.’
‘And do what?’ She asked cautiously.
‘One of my commercial property tenants is looking for talent. We can wipe the slate clean that way.’
‘Talent? I’m sorry, I don’t like the idea of that. No, thank you.’
‘No worries. I’ll instruct the bailiffs. I’d start packing if I was you.’ He turned to leave, but Hannah called him back.
‘Woah, woah, wait. What do you mean talent?’
‘Modelling.’
She laughed sarcastically. ‘You want me to model? You’ve got eyes? You’ve seen me right?’
‘Not me. My tenant does. He’ll take anyone.’
‘Thanks.’ She still sounded sarcastic. ‘What kind of modelling?’
‘You’ll see when you get there.’
‘That doesn’t make me feel any better.’
‘Bring Nicoleta, then. That way you’re not doing it on your own.’
She paused. Vince could tell she was considering it. ‘I just want to know more. Alright? I’m not gonna lie, this is really weird.’
‘He wants a model for a makeover video type thing.’
‘Oh.’ Hannah’s face instantly changed. ‘Ok…That sounds not too bad actually.’
‘Get dressed then.’
‘Do I have to dress up?’
Vince smirked. ‘No. No need.’
A few minutes later Hannah was dressed in a grey tracksuit and sitting next to a confused looking Nicola in the back of Vince’s car.
‘Just so I’m certain, this really does clear my arrears, yeah? We’re good after this?’
‘We’re good.’ Vince was taking the short drive into the town centre and watching her in the rear view mirror. She was relaxing, he could tell. That was making Vince feel bad.
‘Tomorrow’s date night,’ she was saying to Nicoleta, ‘Harry isn’t going to recognise me all glam is he?’
‘He certainly ain’t gonna recognise ya.’ Vince said under his breath, squeezing the car into a parking space on the high street. ‘Right girls,’ he said at normal volume. ‘I’m not a chauffeur, out you get.’
The Highstreet in was like every other high street in town: coffee shops, nail bars, vape shops, fried chicken shops and Turkish barber’s.
‘I own half this street,’ Vince said it more as a statement, than a boast. ‘Today you’re going to meet Omar.’
‘Did you say Omar?’ Hannah asked.
‘Yes I did.’ Vince saw the two women exchange glances.
‘This is for a makeover?’ Nicoleta frowned. ‘And we’re looking for a guy?’
‘Sure, he’s a guy. It’s 2026. Thought Gen-Z were inclusive?’ Vince stopped at a barber’s called Istanbul Razor. Like all of the frontage was black and gold, had a twirling barber’s pole out front and was hideously bright inside.
‘This is a barber’s shop…’ Nicoleta said slowly, like she was speaking to an idiot. ‘Not where I would choose for a makeover.’
Vince half opened the door and stopped. ‘It isn’t your choice is it? Or Hannah’s. It’s this or sleep in a shop doorway?’
Hannah swallowed, and her eyes were wide and panicked. ‘I dunno if I like this.’
‘I don’t like being done for nearly grand.’ Vince curled his lip. ‘So it’s this, or the shop doorway – so which will it be?’
‘I’m not getting a makeover am I?’ Hannah’s face had turned the colour of wallpaper paste. ‘Not one I want anyway.’
She followed Vince inside, where it was deserted – no customers, no barbers. The stall nearest the door had cameras on tripods set up at various angles around it.
‘Omar!’ Vince shouted. ‘I’ve got another one for you.’
A short, round man with a bald head and a neatly trimmed beard emerged from a side door. He greeted Vince with an enthusiastic handshake and they asked each other how business was going.
Once he’d finished the bonhomie routine, Omar turned to look at the two women.
‘OK, which one you brought for me?’ He said like he was buying livestock at a market.
‘Hannah. Grey tracksuit.’
‘Ahhh, why not the blonde? Why not both?’ He laughed.
Nicoleta took a step back. Vince didn’t know it was possible to see somebody’s skin crawl.
‘The blonde is alright, she’s on top of the rent.’
‘It’s OK, is fine. Hannah will do good on the website, really good, I know it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Hannah said indignantly, ‘Can somebody tell me what’s going to happen here?’
‘You get in the chair, and I shave your head.’ Omar shrugged.
Hannah’s eyes went wide. ‘Why the fuck would anybody want to do that!’
‘That is sick.’ Said Nicoleta.
‘It is.’ Agreed Hannah. ‘And you said you want to sell this? What freaks are going to buy it?’
‘You’d be surprised.’ Vince stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. ‘Reckon I bring a couple of girls a month to Omar.’
‘Uuughh.’ Hannah looked like somebody had just squashed a spider on her tits. ‘That’s gross, that’s so weird. Is it a fetish thing?’
‘Don’t know.’ Vince sat down in the waiting room and sprawled. ‘Assume so. People are into all kinds of weird shit these days.’
Hannah touched her bun, as if already making sure it was still there. ‘I’m gonna be chopped. Henry’s gonna dump me.’
Vince was studying his nails, picking a rind of dirt out of them. ‘That’s not my problem is it?’
‘Oh my days.’ Her voice was muffled as she buried her head in her hands. ‘This is really going to clear my debt?’
‘Yes. How many bloody times?’
‘It’s OK.’ Nicoleta said. ‘You can borrow money from me to buy a wig.’
‘It’s not ok!’ When Hannah took her hands away from her face, her eyes were glassy and a single tear was running down her cheek. ‘My hair is like 4c afro hair, it’s gonna be years before it’s like this again!’
She looked at the chair, and wiped the tear from her cheek. ‘Do it then.’
Omar nodded keenly, turning on all the cameras. ‘First you thing you have to do – undress.’
Vince burst out laughing. He’d been waiting for Omar to drop that bombshell.
‘Excuse me?’ Hannah said, affronted.
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Omar spun the chair round. ‘My customers want to see boobs.’
‘You’re disgusting!’ Nicoleta said, getting in his face. ‘Little fat pedo!’
‘Hey!’ Vince raised his voice. ‘That’s enough. Come and sit down.’
‘Fuck off!’ She said back to him, then faced Hannah. ‘Why don’t you leave? This is giving me the ick.’
‘Because if she leaves,’ Vince sat up straight, ‘She’ll be on the bloody streets. If she dosen’t like it, that’s too bad. So maybe Hannah needs to cup up her credit cards.’
Nicoleta glowered at him, but backed off.
‘But we’re by the window,’ Hannah’s voice started to crack as her throat went dry. ‘People are gonna see?’
Omar brushed it off. ‘People are too busy. They won’t look.’
‘People aren’t going to look at a naked fat girl in a shop window are they? Fuck’s sake.’ Then, without any further hesitation, Hannah took off her tracksuit top, flashing her cellulite streaked tummy and dark blue bra before kicking off her trainers.
Then, keeping her eyes on the outside, she ducked down and tugged off her tracksuit bottoms, now clearly blushing.
Nicoleta covered her eyes and looked away.
‘I didn’t know you liked Minecraft, Hannah.’ Vince said.
‘What?’ Hannah looked genuinely confused before glancing down and the penny dropped. She was wearing black and green minecraft knickers. ‘Oh. Yeah…’ Vince wasn’t sure but he thought he heard her mutter “cunt”.
Turning her back to the window she unclipped her bra.
‘Vince, I’d feel better if you weren’t looking.’
‘Nah. I’m considering this my tip.’
Omar laughed as Hannah dropped her bra on the floor, and her two huge, veiny boobs flopped free. Her areolas were the size of chocolate biscuits and the same colour.
Attempting to hide behind the chair, she pulled her knickers down, bearing an arse that was somehow flat and big at the same time.
‘In the chair, we do the fun bit now.’ Omar said with obvious glee.
Hannah prioritised hiding her vagina over everything else, and sat on the chair with her hand between her legs. Her nipples came close to touching thighs when she sat down, and her belly folded in an unflattering way when she was sitting down.
‘Cameras rolling. So…what are you waiting for? Introduce yourself!’
Hannah gawped stupidly for a few seconds before she realised what was expected of her. ‘Oh, uhh,’ she cleared her throat. ‘My name is Hannah. I’m 27…’ she shrugged. ‘What else do you wanna know?’
‘Tell us about your hobbies. Your work.’
‘I…’ she swallowed. ‘I don’t really have hobbies…apart from Netflix and stuff…’ her cheeks went more red. ‘I play Minecraft. And I work in an Amazon warehouse.’
Omar seemed to find that last statement funny. ‘So you’re gonna have the same haircut as your boss, Mr Bazos, no?’
With a small, almost imperceptible eye roll Hannah said: ‘I guess I will.’
‘Ok, we’ll get to work.’ Omar spun the chair around, showing off who he’d snared to the cameras. He stopped when she was facing the mirror.
Hannah was visibly sweating, and she glanced over to the road, making sure nobody was looking.
Had anybody been there there would be treated to a view of her boobs from the side and her belly. She adjusted her big arms in an attempt to hide both.
Omar dug his hands into her hair, found the yarn she was using to hold her hair in the bun and undid it.
‘Yours’ he gave it to Hannah who mumbled her thanks as she balled it up in her hand, while her hair slowly sprung outwards.
He combed it out, with Hannah wincing as the comb caught on her tight z-shaped curls until it hung loose as a mishapen, lumpy afro.
Omar picked up a pair of brown clippers with “Whal Balding Clippers” written on than and switched them on.
They buzzed loudly, and he brought them to the middle of her forehead.
Hannah’s eyes were glassy and red rimmed. She screwed then up tightly, and Omar ran them down the middle.
Her hair was thick, but it didn’t put up much of a fight.
He kept going, and rather than falling to the floor it was lifting up building up at the back of her crown like a pelt.
The scalp under it was peppered with fuzzy, millimetre thick stubble.
When the clump was finally big enough it fell to the floor, leaving Hannah looking like a clown.
Sensing the hair falling she opened her eyes, made a spluttering sob and closed them again.
Her hair tumbled down in chunks, sliding down her boobs and landing in her lap. With the last of her curls gone, Hannah dared to open her eyes again.
She grimaced when she saw her reflection, fighting tears.
Omar turned the clippers off and Hannah ran the hand she wasn’t using to protect her modesty over her head.
‘I look disgusting.’
After a brief pause he turned the clippers back on and scrubbed them over her head, sending more fine fluff over her body.
‘This is so wrong…’ Nicoleta was biting her nails.
‘At least I know you’ll be on time with your rent.’ Said Vince.
Now her scalp was completely bald, and an unappealing grey colour, several shades lighter than her face, Omar wrapped a hot towel around Hannah’s head and went back into the room he emerged from.
Hannah brushed some hair off of her boobs, then her thighs before Omar returned with an envelope which he gave to Vince.
‘Your finder’s fee, Vincent.’
‘Thank you.’ He slid it into one of his pockets. ‘This is actually 500 quid less than you’ve done me for. So I’m doing you a favor.’
‘Thank you so much.’ Hannah mumbled, her voice heavy with sarcasm as Omar ran the sink full of hot water and made a lather.
When he took the towel off, her scalp had changed from grey to pink with the heat, before it went with shaving foam which he spread around her head with a brush. She wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled.
‘You stay still, yeah?’ Omar guided her head by the ears until it was straight.
Dead eyed and miserable, Hannah looked at her reflection as he put the same towel around her bare shoulders, and started to shave her head with a straight razor. It left completely bare, pale and shiny paths in the shaving cream.
Occasionally, he would nick her and Hannah’s teeth would be set on edge.
‘You are doing so well,’ Nicoleta had assumed the role of cheerleader. ‘I would be broken by now, Hannah.’
After the slow shaving process with the straight razor was done, he gave her another coat of shaving cream, to which Hannah made a pained expression.
She was then shaved a final time, once with the grain, then against, with a disposable razor.
‘All done!’ He said like she was a happy customer. ‘Like you never even had hair, eh?’ Omar slapped some kind of aftershave balm on her head and massaged it into her skin. It left her head blotchy and raw looking, shining like a silver spoon.
Covering her boobs and tummy, she leaned forwards to inspect her head in the mirror. ‘That’s so gross.’ She said softly. ‘My boyfriend is gonna be like “what the fuck?” tonight.’ Hannah touched her head softly at first, as if it might bite, before running her palm across it. ‘Can I get dressed now?’ she asked tearfully.
‘Just one more thing.’ Omar gave her a dustpan and brush. ‘I’m old. I can’t bend down. Clear up your hair, then you can get dressed again.’
‘I’ll do it for you, Hannah. Just get dressed.’
Nicoleta went to go for the rescue but was shot down by Omar. ‘No, no. Our viewers like to see this bit.’
Hannah tried bending down, trying to hide her boobs which hung down like udders. When that didn’t work she got on her knees to sweep it up, continuously glancing at the window to make sure nobody was looking.
Omar passed her a bin bag, and it took three dustpan and brush fulls to clean it all up. She gathered her clothes up, then, holding them tight against her stomach and breasts, she streaked over to the waiting area near Vince and Nicoleta, keeping low the whole time.
She made herself as small as possible as she got dressed again.
‘I’ll send you a copy of the DVD.’ Omar said as they left.
‘No thanks, you’re fine.’ Hannah replied.
She constantly touched her head on the ride home, fingering her scalp, fiddling with it, picking at spots and teasing at moles.
‘Alright.’ Vince said as he pulled up outside the house. ‘We’re even. Make sure next month’s is on time.’
‘I will.’ Hannah said, slamming the door behind her.
She declined Nicoleta’s offer of a coffee, and ignored Nathan’s gawping, instead going straight up to her room.
Henry needed to know. She could hardly keep it a secret. When Hannah pulled out her phone, the sense of regret she felt was palpable: her lockscreen was her and Henry together, taken at a friend’s wedding. She was a stone lighter when it was taken, in a slinky blue dress with her make up done and her hair in a puffy afro.
Would he even want to be pictured with her now?
‘Hi Hen’. Yeah…I’m OK. Well, not really. Look, I gotta warn you about something before tonight…’
When Henry picked her up that night, he said he didn’t mind, that he still loved her…But she noticed he didn’t say fancied her.
She could tell he hated it. She could see it in his eyes.
When they walked across the car park to Pizza Express, Henry made sure he was a few paces ahead of her.
In the restaurant, he acted like they weren’t even a couple.
‘I know I look grim.’ Hannah said, giving evils to the couple a few tables over that kept trying to not get caught staring at her. ‘You don’t have to lie.’
‘It’s a shock, that’s all. Why didn’t you say something? I would have paid it.’
‘I know you’re a month behind on your car payment already…I’m not gonna do that to you.’
‘But you’d do this to me, make me have a bald girlfriend.’
‘See, it’s bullshit, you said you didn’t mind.’
He covered his mouth as if he’d just sworn. ‘Hannah, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to -’
‘Don’t bother.’ She cut him off. ‘You hate it and I don’t blame you. I look like a fucking hippo or something.’
After the meal they didn’t go back to her place because it would be too busy, or back to Henry’s because his parents were home, so they hung out in the car, in a KFC car park after dark, takeaway coffees going cold in the cup holders.
He was still giving the aura of being repelled by her.
Hannah was well aware she was punching above her weight with Jack, and really didn’t want to lose him.
More for her benefit, so she knew she could at least still get him hard, Hannah undid his zip and pulled his flaccid cock out.
‘Hannah, you don’t have to – Hannah, it’s fine.’
She wanked him off and nothing was happening. It was time to deploy her not so secret weapon. Hannah knew the one thing which made her a solid seven in Jack’s eyes, instead of the 4 she saw herself as was her tits.
She lifted her top, forced them out of her bra, breaking the wire.
It had an instant hardening effect.
After Henry played with them for a couple of minutes, she went down on him. His white cock was small when soft, but huge when it was hard.
He breathed heavily and grunted as she slowly went all the way down the shaft, then started to suck.
Henry lost interest in her tits and started to thrust into her mouth. His hands found her bald head and started to grip it.
As Hannah had a mouth full of cock with her tits out in the KFC car park, bald headed, the afro now consigned to memory, she couldn’t help but think this was even lower than being homeless.
