One problem with true stories is that they are true. As a result, there are times that may be less exciting. The next few years may be this way as it relates to my wife’s hair. I figured I will still share my experiences. I hope you enjoy.
By January, Ali needed to get back to work or risked losing her job. We could not let that happen. She got to her doctor and finally got on medication to help with her emotional issues. She really should have done this sooner. This meant that she had to put our daughter on formula, which she really did not want to do. I hoped things would improve.
Right before Ali returned to work, she went to get her hair trimmed again. I was hoping that she would get another perm like she did in August. I think she did not want to spend the money (as our finances were a bit tight), so she just had her hair cut. She came home with her hair rather short and very neat for work. All of the remaining curl had been cut out on top and it was clipped in the back. I was happy to see that Ali was staying with easy hair and barely thought anything of having her hair that short anymore. Her stylist seemed to know what worked for her and encouraged Ali to keep it cropped. I hoped that she would keep it like that forever.
By the beginning of February, the effects of the medication were starting to give Ali some balance. She was dealing with things better and she started back at work. Unlike when she returned to work in September, she now embraced work and was happy to have it back in her life. By late February Ali returned to her stylist and trimmed her hair. She left a bit more length and was getting closer to a pixie cut. I still sort of missed her cute little curls. She got her eyebrows thinned again and started grooming herself a bit more.
Although the medication she was taking was helping her, it resulted in her gaining weight. This was expected, but she was not happy about the fact that she gained close to 10 lbs in about 2 months. I was thrilled that she was getting back to normal and did not mind a few more pounds on her either. It suited her and made her feeling good when I held her.
Life returned to normal as the year progressed. She continued to gain weight from the medication she was taking and due to the fact that she was eating out more at work and was back to drinking once in a while. I did not mind her being bigger. She now weighed more than she did when she was pregnant. It seemed like her weigh gain went mostly to her lower body. She was not thrilled, but accepted that this was natural for her. To be fair, she always said that this was the shape that most women had in her family.
I still loved seeing her wearing as little as possible. I encouraged her to get back to wearing less when she was in bed. Ali seemed to always be warm, so she preferred wearing as little as possible around the house. She was still not as into being intimate, but I understood that it was hard with all that was going on.
Work was back on track for her. Unlike before she was a mom, she did not spend nearly as much time trying to look good for work as she used to. As a result her hair was not as perfect and neat as it used to be. She was also leaving a bit more length so it grew out faster and seemed to be less under control. I understood and was sort of happy that she was spending her time on other priorities.
Ali continued to gain weight over this time and really did not seem to care either way. It seemed that this was a result of the medication and her natural body type. She was starting to care more about her appearance again as life got a bit more normal. She spent more time getting ready for work in the morning and tried to find clothes that suited her better. It was good to see that she was getting back to who she was before.
She was spending more time on her hair, as she was now wearing a bit of a longer pixie style that had more length. She seemed to like having more length. I think this might have been related to her gaining weight. Personally, I did not find this style all that flattering on her, but I did not say anything. I was hoping that she would go back to perming her hair or get a shorter style that seemed to look better on her.
We took our daughter to a ‘mommy and me’ group with other babies around the same age. My wife liked it and enjoyed being able to see other moms. I attended a few times and noticed that my wife was not the only one who had the mom chop. Some still have long hair, but I would say over half have hair above their shoulders. Ali was not the only one with hair that was above her ears.
One of the moms there was a woman who went to high school with Ali. She had long, think hair that was dark and sort of all over the place curls. She wore it up in a ponytail or a messy bun the times I saw her. She was a bigger curvy woman, a few inches taller than Ali. Ali told me that in high school she was one of the really pretty and popular girls. I was sort of happy to see that Ali was not the only women to be rocking a few extra pounds. Seeing her also made me appreciate Ali’s hair and how much more suitable it was for this stage.
Our daughter turned one and we were shocked at how quickly time passes. Things were still difficult, but seemed to be getting better.
Ali continued to put on weight during this time. She was now about the same size as her mom and made her older sister look thin. Her sister had tried to manage her weight, but was still full figured. Her sister seemed to be trying to look younger and now had longer hair that was well below her shoulders and dyed blonde. My wife had considered trying to color her hair, but figured she might as well wait until she started to go grey.
As time passed, more of Ali’s friends were getting married and settling into adult life. As a result it seemed like most were also gaining weight. Other than her friend from Alabama, none of her close friends were as big as she was, but over time more and more no longer had thin bodies. I guess it was natural as time passed. She also was no longer the only one of her friends with short hair. It seemed like many women we knew started keeping their hair shorter after they were married and had kids.
It was around this time that the mom from the ‘mommy and me” group my wife knew from high school ended up cutting her hair. I saw her with a short bob and mentioned it to my wife. We both agreed that it made her look much better. Ali said that she was not surprised and really could not understand why any mom in this situation would want such long and difficult hair. I liked hearing Ali talk that way and agreed with her. She said that she thought that even a short bob was impractical and for her. She said that she would not be surprised if she ends up cutting more after she gets used to having less hair. Ali, on the other hand, was still letting her hair grow a bit longer.
Although I was still very into how my wife looked, things were difficult between us. It seemed like the stress of having a chid was hard for us to balance. My wife’s romantic side was also different since she became a mom. This may have also been a side-effect of the medication she was taking.
As life got back to normal, Ali was able to gradually stop taking her medication. It made an immediate difference to her weight and water retention. She must have lost close to 10 lbs in one month. She got many compliments on her weight loss and decided to try lose more weight. I was not sure how long this would last, but I supported her efforts. At first it was very easy for her to lose weight, but after the first 15 lbs came off it became a bit more difficult. She started on a weight loss program and tried to exercise a bit.
She also decided that she wanted to try a new hairstylist, so she started going to the stylist her sister went to. She was more of a long-hair stylist and much more expensive. Around this time, Ali wife started to grow her hair out and talked more about going blonde. I knew I would missed her short hair, but I was supportive either way. I also doubted the grow out would last very long. It was the cost of the new hairdresser that was more of an issue, but I wanted her feeling good about herself. The last 18 months had been hard, so I was happy she was feeling better.
By Christmas, Ali had lost another 5 lbs. The change was noticeable and she seemed to like it. She was working hard to lose weight and wanted to lose more. Her dieting made her moody. This was not great, but there was not much I could do about it. It seemed like she was always hungry, so fighting it made her miserable. I could tell that her body wanted more food, but I did not make a big deal about it.
Right before the holidays she got her hair styled in a short bob that really showed it was growing out. She let her stylist color her hair blonde. It was quite a change for her. It made her look different and she got many complements. I could tell however that a lot of people in her family preferred her hair short. I did as well, but liked the change and wanted her to feel good about herself.
Things got harder in our relationship around this time. It was many issues that just added to the stress. She continued to lose weight and it did not seem to make her a happier person. I felt bad about this, but there was not much I could do about it. She still looked good to me, but I liked how she was before and wanted her happy more than thin. She also continued to grow her hair, which was now the longest it had been since before our wedding.
February 2015 – September 2016
I am not sure how to write about this difficult period between in our relationship. We went through a time when we stayed together in the same house, but did not share a relationship. It was hard and there were times when we both thought it might be over between us. In the end, we realized that we still had a good thing between us and that we were meant to be together.
During this time, my wife lost a lot of weight. She dieted pretty seriously and within a year and a half was down to about 175 lbs. It made a huge difference in her appearance, but it was not a natural state for her. She had not been this weight in years, but liked certain aspects of being thinner. She also kept growing her hair and continued to dye it blonde. The change was striking and she did not look like the same person as two years before. I really did not expect to see Ali with shoulder length hair again.
Although Ali changed quite a bit over this time, she seemed no more confident in her appearance. Perhaps even less. It was like she was struggling to be someone who was not her. I felt bad, but there was little that I could do about it, as our relationship is in a strange place.
This was a good month for us and we returned to sharing a bed. We had missed being together in that way. Ali seemed to get some of her confidence back and that was a turning point for her dieting. She knew that I loved her no matter what and that she could be her natural self with me. She did not have to starve herself to be someone else. I wanted her happy and did not care if she had a few extra pounds.
To be honest about her hair at this stage, I felt like it was not her and did not look as neat and put together. Another issue was how much she was spending at the stylist she was now going to. Her old stylist would charge under $20 for a cut. Now between the cut and color, she was spending over $100 each time she would go. This was a lot of money for us and it added up. I did not want to tell her what to do with her hair, but liked the stylist who she had gone to for most of her life and who cost less. Ali’s old stylist also seemed to understand her better and knew what suited her lifestyle. As a result, she did her hair so it was easy and out of the way. Over time, I got used to Ali having short hair that did not get in the way when we were together.
Ali was also back to having to spend more time on her hair. It was not like before she was a mom, as she just did not have the time for it. She was having to still wake up earlier just to get ready and look presentable for work. A few times I heard her mom suggest that she cuts her hair again. I hoped she would, but remained silent on the issue. I did however suggest that she returns to her old stylist. Although my main reason for this was how she styled Ali’s hair, I used the money as a reason.
By Thanksgiving, Ali wife was eating what she wanted again. I was happy to see it and knew that she was in a better mood. Her body had changed so much since she was at her biggest. Around the end of the month, Ali returned to her old stylist. I was happy to see this. Her stylist cut her hair a bit shorter, but it was still around her shoulders. I was hoping that she would come back from her stylist with very short hair again and her neck exposed, but it did not happen. I hope I did not appear disappointed.
Ali also did not color her hair when she went to her old stylist and her roots grew in a bit. Her mom seemed to like her going back to a bit of a shorter style and gave her encouragement. I felt like Ali was back on the right track, but did not want to push it. I felt like she was happier.
By Christmas our relationship was returning to normal. I could also see her slowing putting weight back on and did not complain.
In contrast, her sister was intent on losing weight and being thin. She had been dieting for years and was now under 165. As she is about 5’5″ that was pretty thin on her. I was glad to see Ali moving in the other direction. I felt like Ali had the look of a married woman and mother who was serious about her job and no longer trying to look like she was in high school. My wife still had her blonde hair, but had not touched it up since October so her roots were starting to show. I was hoping that she would grow out the blonde, as it seemed like a waste of money.