No hables español?

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So not speaking Spanish is a good thing!

I left the run down Hispanic barbershop scalped, the young male barber spoke not a word of English, the pics I showed him were of no use. Sporting a bald mid fade, I paid and walked out. The cut was indeed short, but I loved it and was totally surprised as the shop had only one barber, tucked back in a run down shopping center.  This would soon be Sharon’s nightmare! You all know the drill, right? After years of marriage, kids, grands etc.. nothing has changed. I still insist on her shorter styles, she bitches, drinks, runs her mouth, we fight, yell, scream, throw punches, whatever, but I will not relent – she will get her hair cut when and how I say…

We walk in the little shop a few minutes ago and the little dude greeted us at the door. The banter back and forth left my woman sitting in the chair and me showing him a photo of just exactly how I wanted her cut. It was short for sure, but she would have a little left for some gel! And as he was working the clippers on her head, I started with a few jabs. I threw out a comment every few minutes or so as I watched the guy, who did not understand a word of English, work his magic on Sharon. I knew the comments would piss her off to no end, but I also knew the dude would not understand a word of what was being said- from either of us..

“Damn baby, he’s taking you short”

“You’re going to need some sunscreen on that nape, babe”

You startin’ to feel a breeze on your nape”

“Your such a fucking weirdo and an asshole” she replied in a softer voice as if he knew what she meant anyway…

“Zip it bitch, or I’ll have him take you fucking bald” I said

All the comments fucking infuriated my lady, but she knew the drill. Regardless of her anger, she would sit and take it, take it for all the times she acted like a real cunt over the years. She knew it, accepted it and here we are.

As the cut continued, the little guy gently pressed on the back of her head and pressed. As he began his assault on her nape, I walked over and shoved her head down, placing his hand on her crown mimicking the motion I wanted him to follow. He laughed a bit but over the next few minutes, seemed to catch on and several times, jolted her down down, smiling at me as if he wanted approval. And with a thumbs up, we smiled at each other.

“Holy shit babe, he’s going to break your neck”

“You’re definitely going to need to wear some big earrings, babe, you’re startin’ to look like one of the guys’

“You know you look fucking stupid, right?”

I kept hurling the insults – as the barber kept cutting, now almost finished with the first round. I walked over with a new pic and presented my phone. He looked, smiled and spoke something in Spanish. A thumbs up, I sat and waited for the second round.  Sharon was looking at me with her “you’re a fucking dickhead” look, the look that says she wanted to kill me right now!

Sitting now in the empty chair only a few feet from my gal, I watched intently for the next stage. With Sharon staring me down, eye to eye he began pumping the chair.

“This may get bad babe, I think he is going to start taking you uber short”

And as eyes remained glued to each other, hers glassy with anger, mine waiting for the show to start, he moved behind the chair, leaving us eyeing each other. Placing his hand on her crown the show started, and boy what a show! Several firm presses of her head and seemingly lifting it back up, the happy barber chuckled, almost teasing her, with the movements. The teasing stopped when the last firm press was followed by the sound of the clippers now plowing up her nape. I stood up and walked to the side for a better look.

“Babe, he’s taking you damn short”

“Now you know how a sheep feels, right?”

“Boy the gals in the neighborhood will have something to talk about now”

And finally “Stay still babe, or he may take an ear off”

And with that, I gave her nape a quick rub, and a thumbs up to the dude!

“Afeitarlo como uns oveja por favor, Afeitarlo como uns oveja por favor” I said. And with a smile, he gently placed the small clippers down, reached for a an old rickety set of clippers, chord taped together and flipped the switch. The sound had Sharon tilting her head to see what was in store. And with another firm press, her chin now resting between her large breasts, he ran the loud “lawn mower” type shears right down the fucking middle of her head, leaving a path of destruction. A 1 inch white path reveling a bald ass patch I’ll never forget.

A pause for a brief second – Sharon sitting facing the front of the small shop, looking pissed, stepped from the chair. I reached for a $20 bill, handed it to the barber and walked toward the door. Opening the door I look back to see my girl, rubbing her bald ass scalp, looking for any signs of stubble. Not a chance, the guy indeed scalped her down to the bone. As I stepped out, I heard him speak

“Hope to see you again ma’am – the cut looks really good on you, we’ll keep it that way from now on”

Holy shit! He knew all along!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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