Tacky and Upsetting
Ryan, panting and sweating, wound the treadmill down. He staggered over to one of the rowing machines, using it as a bench. Taking a long, well needed pull from his water bottle he started to accept that he just couldn’t do what he did in his 20s and 30s.
He was calling it a day.
Ryan strolled out of the gym, across the reception area.
Bored parents scrolled on their phones, on the tables and chairs dotted around reception, and cries came out from the kid’s karate class in one of the rooms behind them.
Across the room, he had a view of a yoga class going on in a large glass panelled room near the exit.
His doctor told him it would be good for his back pain. He tried it once, fell over and made it heck of a lot worse. What sort of geezer in his 40s did yoga anyway?
‘Am I alright using the sauna?’ He asked the cute mousy blonde receptionist.
‘Of course you are! Aqua aerobics are still on, just so you know.’
‘I’ll get in there quick before it fills up. Ta.’ He tipped her a wink and made his way into the changing rooms, where the air was thick with chlorine. It was the unisex style, with separate cubicles and lockers. He took off his t-shirt and trainers, locked them away, and went to the pool.
The fitness instructor was blaring out her normal selection of 90s clubland hits, and in the crowd thrashing around in the water, he spotted “Blondie”, a 30 something bottle blonde with enormous tits, who despite being in the water, always came with a full face of make up. He didn’t know her actual name – he was pretty sure it was something like Shardony and Chantelle or something chavvy.
They chatted most weeks in the sauna, but lately she’d been getting too…comfortable with him?
Blondie caught his eye and Ryan nodded, then stepped into the sauna and shut the door behind him.
The muffled and splashing and music from outside was weirdly comforting, and he had the sauna to himself, so shut his eyes and felt the warm soak into his body in the dimly lit room.
A few minutes later, that peace was shattered by Blondie.
He didn’t have to open his eyes, he knew her voice, and he could tell her chubby, immature friend Kirsty was with her.
They were doing their favorite thing: slagging other people off.
Blondie was hitting her stride, complaining about her “crackhead neighbours” when Ryan opened his eyes.
‘Oh, hi Ryan! Sorry mate I didn’t see you until you opened your eyes.’ Shanice was sitting opposite in a red swim suit, clearly chosen to show off her ginormous, quivering fat boobs.
‘What, so I’m so black you didn’t see me?’ She made a similar joke last week, and it was getting old.
Both Kirsty and Blonde cackled with laughter like naughty school girls, but Ryan wasn’t laughing.
‘Ryan, you’re so funny. I always know I can have a laugh with you, you cheer me right up.’ Gushed Kirsty. Kirsty was wearing an aquamarine bikini, showing off various tattoos he assumed were drunken whims.
‘Good to know I provide amusement.’ He said humourlessly.
‘We do mean with, and not at.’ Blondie added.
‘Sure.’
‘So when are you going to join us at aqua aerobics, Ryan?’ Kirsty was still babbling.
‘Never. Me? I’m a gym guy, always have been.’
‘Yeah, but it’s so good for you!’ Kirsty squealed, and her voice was like nails on a blackboard. ‘I know I’m still fat but I lost five stone doing this.’
‘I’m fat then am I?’ Ryan closed his eyes again.
‘No, but it’s really good for you. Like your heart and stuff! Just try it, you can be in our -’
‘Kirsty!’ Blondie cut in. ‘Leave him alone. He doesn’t want to…Anyway, you know what they say about black guys…’
He opened his eyes again, and Blondie was grinning, showing her slightly crooked teeth.
‘And what’s that? Tell me what they say about black guys?’
Blondie wasn’t picking up on his weary tone. ‘Well, that they can’t swim. Isn’t that right?’
‘Yeah, Shanice, that’s exactly what you were thinking, wasn’t it? Can’t swim, not the other thing?’ Kirsty teased.
Shanice – Ryan committed Blondie’s actual name to memory while the two laughed hysterically again. Ryan laughed with them, then under his breath growled: ‘Hilarious. You racist bitches.’ as their laughter died down.
He quite fancied Blondie – or Shanice – for a shave. She was attractive, in a dramatic, slightly desperate way. Her yellowy blonde hair was betrayed by her dark, almost black roots. He didn’t know if he was projecting, but her hazel eyes had a slightly filthy quality to them.
Ryan wanted to like her, but all the black guy jokes were starting to wear thin.
Gradually they slipped back into their normal topics, and Shanice began talking about many benefits she was claiming without being entitled to.
His ears pricked up, as he sat quietly in the corner.
‘Honestly Kirsty, it’s easy to get them. I know I’m not entitled to any of them,’ she paused to giggle, ‘But they just don’t check at the moment. I only have to work two days a week now, and seriously, I’m better off than when I was working full time.’
‘I’ll remember that next time I don’t want to get up and do a 15 hour shift.’ Ryan said after Shanice had gone into extreme detail about how to defraud the state. The duo were silent for a second, before he got up. ‘Steam room next. See you next week ladies.’
By the time he’d been in and out of the steam room and sauna enough to feel satisfied he wasn’t going to be aching the next day, it was 10pm. Closing time.
He and Shanice were walking out at the same time.
‘I hope I didn’t offend you, Ryan?’ She said earnestly, as they walked across the nearly empty car park.
‘Why would I be offended by you?’ Why would a man who has put up with snide jokes and discrimination his entire life be offended by jokes that played up to stupid stereotypes? He thought, but didn’t say it.
‘Bless you. You’re such a good laugh, Ryan.’ He noticed the tag sticking out of the creased polka dot sun dress she had on. Fred and Florence. Her blonde hair was down now, damp and ruffled by the breeze.
‘I know, right? Such a good sport, ain’t I?’
‘You are mate.’ She stopped by her car, a 15 year old black Audi A5. Pink fluffy dice hung from the rear view mirror. ‘I like you. You get me. You don’t mind that I’m mental!’
‘That’s your excuse, is it?’ He popped the locks on his car and threw his gym bag on the back seats.
As Ryan drove home, one of his plans started to form. And this time, he wouldn’t even need a disguise.
The next week, he finished his normal gym session, then got changed and sauntered into the sauna.
He knew Shanice was there – he spotted her car in the car park.
Her red swimsuit stood out from the crowd, like it always did. They swapped glances, and just like every other week he went into the sauna.
Shanice, along with Kirsty joined him, still dripping from the pool.
‘That was a good work out tonight,’ Kirsty prodded her own tummy. ‘I still want to loose this though.’
‘I think I need to work harder,’ Shanice undid her pony tail, and let her blonde locks fall over her shoulders, then fanned it out with her hands. ‘I’m still getting fat.’
‘You are not fat.’ Kirsty chirped.
‘I’m tall. I hide it.’ Then as if only just noticing him: ‘Hey Ryan! How are you!’
‘I’m good, on top of the bloody world I am!’
‘You’re in a good mood,’ The blonde put her hair back in a pony tail, ‘You won the lottery or something?’
‘Something like that.’ Ryan looked her up and down. Now she mentioned it, she was kinda fat. It was all in her legs and thighs. ‘You staying all the way until closing time again?’
‘I am mate. You gonna keep me company?’
Ryan smiled. ‘I am indeed.’
At 5 to 10, Ryan was freshening up in the changing room. He hoisted his bag up onto the cabinets under the mirrors and unzipped it. He took out his washbag, took out the deodorant and doused himself under his t-shirt. The hair clippers, scissors, razors and shaving cream looked back at him in the gym bag.
‘See you next week, Ryan.’ Kirsty emerged from one of the cubicles in a hoody, wrapped up for the drive home.
He grunted goodbye at her. The place was emptying out, and he was wondering if he was the only customer left. The lifeguards were doing a final sweep of the pool, hooking out rubbish before leaving it for the night. Had he missed Shanice?
Then he saw her, emerging from the poolside in the bright red swimsuit.
‘Hiya Ryan, waiting for me are you?’ She said jokingly. ‘Didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye?’
‘Uhh, yeah, well I wanted to ask you something actually.’ He put away his wash bag and zipped the gym bag shut.
‘What’s that?’ she sounded half serious for once, opening her locker and taking out a leopard print tote bag. He could see the spotty dress sticking out from the top.
He beckoned her over.
Looking worried, and dripping wet she joined him. ‘So what’s up?’ Shanice put her bag on the cabinet.
At that moment, the receptionist came in. ‘Is it just you guys here?’
‘Yeah.’ Ryan replied. ‘Last ones.’
‘I’ll lock up after you’ve gone…See you next week.’
‘That’s a hint to get out, innit?’ Ryan watched her walk away. ‘Anyway, my question: did you know that the maximum custodial sentence for benefit fraud is 10 years?’
Her face dropped. ‘What?’ A nervous laugh. ‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘You need to be more careful about flapping your gums about your scams with your fat friend. You never know who’s listening.’ He tapped the side of his head.
Shanice’s eyes widened. ‘You’re shopping me? You twat, Ryan. I trusted you, I thought you were nice.’
‘Yeah? Go on and finish the sentence.’
‘What?’
‘You thought I was nice? What, “nice for a black guy”?’
She rolled her hazel eyes. ‘Ryan, I was joking. If I was going too far you should have said something.’ Shanice went to pick her bag up. ‘This is why you’re gonna try and get me done?’
‘I’ve been online. Found out the relevant people to contact.’
Shanice’s face became more and more worried as the gravity of the situation started to hit her. ‘So call them if you’re gonna do it.’ She dared him.
‘I’m holding off for now.’
‘OK, so what is this? You want to blackmail me or something? Fine. I’ll take you to the cashpoint. Fuck’s sake don’t shop me, please. Please.’
‘I’ve thought about it, and there’s a chance to redeem yourself.’
Shanice laughed. ‘Redeem myself? What is this?’
The receptionist appeared in the changing room doorway.
‘We’re keeping this young lady up.’ Ryan said politely. ‘Lets walk and talk.’
‘I’m getting changed first.’
‘No time for that, come on.’
As they walked out into the car park, Shanice looked like she was about to puke, still in her swim suit, carrying the tote bag. The receptionist was locking the door behind them, giving her an odd look. She’d only had time to slip on a pair of black pumps.
‘I’m sick of your black guy jokes, Blondie. You think I ain’t heard ‘em all before?’
‘Ryan, I’m sorry. OK? I won’t make them anymore, I didn’t know it upset you, truthfully, I didn’t know.’ She started going towards her car.
‘Yeah, well, sorry ain’t enough. Come on, this way.’ Ryan nodded towards the far end of the leisure centre which backed onto a deserted kid’s playpark.
‘Ryan, I don’t like this…Just tell me what you want.’
‘I will tell you…In a sec. Come on.’ As he walked down the side of the leisure centre he noticed the staff all get in their cars and drive off. ‘Unless you fancy eating porridge for ten years in Cell Bloke H…They’ll like you there, nice blonde barnet…’
Shanice hesitated, and was still for a second. She looked around the park to her right, and the main road to her left. People were still about. ‘Ryan, if you try anything…I’ll scream and shout and kick your balls in.’
‘Oh yeah, because all black men are rapists, thanks for reminding me. I don’t doubt you’ll kick my balls in.’ He shoulder barged a fire exit which gave way instantly. ‘Come on.’
He was now back in the leisure centre, poolside again. The water was eerily still.
Shanice stood in the doorway. ‘Can you just tell me what you’re expecting me to do? You’re freaking me out.’
‘You want to redeem yourself, don’t you? Don’t want me to dob you in for being a cheating little benefit scrounging cow?’
‘Of course I bloody don’t.’
‘In that case, it’s time for you to know what it’s like to be an object of ridicule as well.’ Ryan reached out, grabbed her by her hair and dragged her in.
‘Fucking hell! Ryan! Ow!’
‘Let’s go for a stroll, come on.’ Pulling her along by her hair, Ryan walked her along the poolside, Shanice staggering after him. ‘You’re gonna pull my hair out, fucking hell! Jesus Ryan, stop! Owwww!’
Shanice protested the whole way round the pool, and all the way through the changing room. Ryan walking faster and faster, Shanice stumbling and staggering faster and faster.
Past the vacant reception desk, into the glass paneled yoga room. Ryan swung her round by her hair then let go.
Shanice teetered towards before falling clumsily to the floor, dropping the tote bag.
‘You wanker!’ She shouted, spinning round on her arse before standing up. ‘You better not have pulled any of my hair out!’
‘Heaven forbid.’
‘Fuck.’ She rubbed her knees, bending down, boobs wobbling. ‘You are something else, Ryan.’
‘You’re not wrong there.’
‘OK, out the way now. I’m going home, you’ve made your fucking point.’
‘I am very far from finishing my point, Blondie.’
‘Don’t call me that, only my friends call me that.’
‘Alright.’ He shrugged. ‘They won’t be calling you that for a while anyway…’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ll see – but hold up, we’ve still got work to do.’
A look of mild dread and strong resentment crossed her face.
‘This is how this will work,’ Ryan continued. ‘You do exactly what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it. If you behave yourself I won’t have that little chinwag with His Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.’
‘I’ll decide what I do and don’t do, Ryan! Nobody tells me what to do!’
‘The power is in your hands. Depends how much you don’t want to go to jail really, innit?’ Ryan unzipped his gym bag. Nestled under the rest of his equipment was a blue tooth speaker, which he put in the corner.
‘I don’t think you worked out hard enough tonight, so we’re going to start with aerobics.’ He used his phone to play some old school dance anthems through the speaker.
Shanice made a hollow laugh. ‘You’re a nutter, Ryan.’
‘I wondered what n-word you were going to call me then.’ He rummaged in his bag again. ‘So start with stretches. Bend down, touch your toes.’
Shanice muttered something as she bent down, still in the damp swim suit, facing the window, while her big, but not fat, arse faced Ryan.
‘Now this isn’t ordinary aerobics.’ He picked up a pair of scissors, then walked up behind and grabbed one of her shoulder straps.
‘Hey!’ She looked up at him. ‘What are you doing – get off!’
Ryan cut through both sets of straps, and both of Shanice’s giant tits bounced out, colliding against each other on the way down, wobbling.
She shot up, Ryan moving out of the way. ‘What the fuck are you doing!?’ Shanice stood up, hands over her tits, the now wrecked swim suit hanging down around her.
‘Cutting off your swim suit. What do you think?’
‘Ryan, you disgusting perv, you’ve wrecked my favorite swim suit, if you wanted to see my tits you should have just said.’
‘I’ll keep that in mind, but I don’t think that’s all I’ll see.’
‘Shit!’ She looked down, and the rest of it was sliding down. Shanice turned away from him and the window, and tugged down the remains of it.
Now naked and baring her arse to the world, she stepped out of the soggy red fabric.
Carefully moving one hand over her crouch she turned to face him, arms over her tits. ‘You’re not seeing my fanny, if that’s what you want.’
‘It’s gonna be difficult to hide it if I’m being honest. Now come on, finish up those stretches – facing the window.’
‘Ryan!’ Her face was going red. ‘I was talking to you all this time and didn’t know you were a weirdo. Why does everyone have to see? I’m doing what you want.’
‘Remember what I said – do exactly what I want…’
She gave him a withering look, but did as he asked. ‘Christ, if anybody I know sees me – I’ll kill you.’ Shanice’s boobs hung down like pale udders as she touched her toes.
‘That’s it, nice work.’ He cranked up the volume to Encore En Fois. ‘Now get on those star jumps, Blondie!’
‘Oh fucking, hell.’ Shanice obliged. As the music played on she jumped on the spot, bringing her heels together as well as her hands, making perfect star jumps each time.
Ryan had a brilliant view of her reflection in the window, as her boobs went in every direction possible.
‘Come on girl! Work it!’ Ryan turned the volume up some more.
He noticed a group of lads walking down the road, probably coming back from the pub. One of them noticed. He stopped, nudged his mates and they all gawped.
‘You bastard, Ryan.’ Shanice panted.
‘Keep it up, come on girl! Get that blood pumping.’
Her face was flushed as she obliged, working harder and faster for her audience. As she was slowing down, and starting to sweat he took pity on her.
‘Ok, slow it down, that’s it…ease off…’
Shanice was huffing and puffing, then doubled over, taking in gulps of air.
‘Next up – lets get some knee raisers done. Come oooon, put some effort in!’
As Encore En Fois segued into Mr Vain Shanice raised her knees, slapping each one into her palms, working her legs like pistons. Any passer bys, if their eyes were good enough, would have a great view between her legs.
‘I hate you Ryan!’ She shouted over the music. ‘I really fucking hate you. Showing the whole world my fucking fanny.’
‘I don’t blame you. Keep it up, don’t stop.’ He walked behind her, and emptied out her bag.
Ryan found keys to an Audi and pocketed them. ‘Keeping your keys safe, that’s all. I’ll give them back when I think it’s time to go.’
‘Bastard.’ She puffed. It was hard to know if her face was going red from embarrassment or the exercise. ‘Oy!’ she stopped the knee raises. ‘What the fuck!’
Too late. Ryan had cut through the polka dot dress, making it unwearable.
‘You bastard!’ She repeated. ‘Fucking bastard! You didn’t have to do that! Now how am I going to get home?’
‘Got a car, ain’t ya?’
She gulped down air, and tried to shout, still slapping her knees on her palms, stomping the floor. ‘I’ve still got to walk to the car, you twat.’
‘What a shame.’ Ryan killed the music. ‘Alright, shake it off.’
Glowring, Shanice recovered some modesty as she wound down. Covering everything up again, she sat on the floor and crossed her legs.
Ryan hitched his bag over his shoulder again. ‘You seem fond of the pool, let’s go back.’
‘Ryan…I swear…’
‘Come on, let’s get you away from that window.’
That was enough to persuade her. Still trying to preserve her modesty with her hands, Shanice trotted after him. ‘If you’re thinking of doing anything freaky in there…I don’t care about ten years in jail. You’re be the one going to jail because I’m telling the police about you.’
‘I haven’t done anything sweetheart,’ He said breezily as they went though the changing rooms, the automatic lights switching on as they went. ‘I asked you to do it, and you did it.’
He stopped by the edge of the pool, Shanice joining him. Her hands were still firmly pressed in place. ‘Dosen’t it feel good to be away from prying eyes?’
‘Yeah, apart from yours, you fucking nonce.’
‘Another n-word.’ Ryan crouched down and unzipped the bag. ‘A bit strong.’
‘Alright then, psycho. You’re a fucking psycho. Better?…Wait are those…?’
Ryan unpacked the battery powered clippers. They didn’t shave as close as the corded ones he preferred to use on the more traditional jobs, but this being by the pool, he had to make do… ‘Hair clippers?’
‘I’m afraid so, me old china plate.’
Genuine horror was in her eyes. ‘Fuck! No! You have me doing star jumps with my tits out, fine, you are not going anywhere near me with those things.’
‘That’s fine.’ He dropped them back in the bag. ‘I’ll call the Inland Revenue tomorrow. See you next week.’ Ryan went to get up.
‘Wait! Wait! OK, maybe we can do something else – no, not a blowjob before you get ideas, OK?’
He rolled his eyes. ‘It’s always a fucking blowjob I’m offered instead.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Nothing.’ He replied. ‘Alright then, what you got in mind, Blondie?’
Still with her arms around her, now starting to break out in goosebumps, she was silent, trying to think something up. ‘You can…Shave my legs?’
‘Shave your legs? The whole point is that this is meant to be embarrassing for you. It’s your turn to be laughed at.’
‘I’m trying to think of something you might like, shut up. You can…’ she swallowed. ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m saying this. You can shave my fanny.’
‘Thank you for the offer, but I’ll stick with your head.’
‘Fucking hell, Ryan!’ Shanice shouted, her voice echoing round the empty pool. ‘I said sorry. Look at me! How much more of a twat do you want to make me look?’
He just looked at her, grinning.
‘Why my hair though? I’m going to look minging, you want me to look minging?’
‘I do.’
‘Why? That’s so fucking weird.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t want to go to jail. What will happen to my little dog? Oh god, and I bet the food is crap inside as well.’
He turned the clippers on. They were quiet, but the buzzing was amplified by the large, cavernous room.
‘You’re a cunt. Children are going to cry when they see me in the street. I think I’ll cry when I see me, actually.’
‘Sit yourself down, love. Head over the pool.’
Shanice gave him one last, contemptuous look. ‘Freak.’ She muttered, then sat with her legs crossed before undoing her pony tail and letting her hair down. She flicked it, one last time so it sat over her shoulders.
Without having to be asked, she bowed her head so she was looking into the water.
Ryan started by giving her a reverse mohawk, running the clippers up her nape, then all the way over the crown to her forehead.
They were cheap crappy clippers, making a laboured, tearing sound as they did their work, but they still got through Shanice’s thick hair.
It fell into the pool, in front of her face.
‘These aren’t bad really.’ Ryan said. ‘Amazon cheapy, but they’re doing OK.’
‘Great. Happy for you.’ She snapped, mid-shear.
Ryan made an effort to make sure the hair fell past her face, and kept on working from the nape up, the clippers noisily buzzing as he went. Occasionally they would catch and rip a hair out, making her jump.
The stubble underneath was dark and thick, he even wondered if it would be raven black when it grew back.
Shanice showed no emotion as she shaved her, keeping her eyes on the water the whole time.
As more hair landed in the water and floated away, he shaved the left side of her head, leaving the other half untouched.
Ryan contemplated leaving her like that – for a second. As he made a start on the second part, sending more clumps into the pool, Shanice then started to show emotion. When he moved on to the sides he saw her bite her lips.
She felt the shaved side of her head as he finished the other side up, shaving the last of the blonde locks.
‘Oh Jesus…’
When he shut the clippers off, she rubbed it with both hands. ‘Well I hope you enjoyed that, because I fucking didn’t…Bloody hell Ryan, you’re an evil little bastard arn’t you?’
‘You only have yourself to blame.’ He dropped the clippers back in the bag, as Shanice fished a strand out of the water. She held it up, looking sadly at the length. ‘It’s gonna take me years to get it that long again…Fuck you.’
Not bothering to cover herself up anymore, she stood up. A stray strand of blonde hair slipped from shoulders as she got up.
Shanice looked completely different. Ryan didn’t know how much her blonde hair carried her. The dark, patchy grade 0 buzz looked awful on her.
Then cautiously, slowly, she left the pool and walked up the mirrors, keeping her head down until she was right by it and ready.
Ryan heard the scream rip through the abandoned pool as he stood by the pool. ‘So you like it then?’ He asked casually.
‘I look like Uncle Fester! Oh God, oh fuck…’ she rubbed the stubble. ‘My hair is so dark…What’s left of it. Ugh.’
‘We can sort the stubble out.’ He called to her, joining the naked, and now buzzed Shanice by the mirror. He noticed a few little mm thick bits of blonde hair had landed on her fat, veiny tits.
‘What do you mean?’ she said, looking in the mirror, clawing at the stubble as it might make her hair grow back.
Ryan showed her a bic razor in the mirror.
‘No! I don’t want the shine!’
‘Bit silly to get locked up for ten years over that. After all, the blonde locks are being sucked into the pool filter as we speak.’
She gave him another withering look.
‘This is literally the last bit. Then we’re even.’
Shanice sighed. ‘I’m going to look repulsive. Well, I already look repulsive.’
‘Alight then, more repulsive.’
‘You know how to make a woman feel good, Ryan.’
‘Thank you. Now, to make it a really smooth shave, we need the stubble to be warm and soft as possible. I know the ideal place for that.’
They went to the sauna, Shanice rubbing her head saying how bad she looked, how unfair it was, the whole way there.
At least it gave her something else to talk about, other than crackhead neighbours, he thought.
On the way there Ryan collected his bag from the pool side, and noticed the blonde hair still floating on the surface.
Shanice sat her bare arse onto the wooden planks, hand over her fanny as she sat down. Her tits were so big, Ryan noticed her nipples were nearly level with her belly button when she was sitting down.
‘Go on then, psycho. Get it over and done with.’
‘I’ll give you time to get warmed up first. Hair is easier to shave when it’s warm.’
‘Oh, so I’m supposed to just have a chill session am I? Butt naked? Bald?’
‘Moan, moan, moan. Never happy are you? I’ll give you privacy for a little bit – but if you leg it, I’ll be on the phone to shop you in first thing.’
‘I’m not legging it, am I?’ Shanice said bitterly. ‘No point now.’
‘You know it makes sense.’
While Shanice was left to warm up in the sauna, Ryan took a stroll back to reception to use the coffee machine.
Lounging in the empty reception area he had a smirk on his face. He liked to think she’d be back, bald, trying to explain the look away at the next aqua aerobics session.
Sipping coffee, he let ten minutes pass before walking back in.
Shanice was visibly sweating, with her tits and legs glistening. Her make up was holding up well, maybe a little too well.
A visible tidemark was around her neck, face and forehead, with only a slight smudge to her mascara.
‘Go on then freak, finish the job.’
‘Don’t mind if I do.’ He squirted a large amount of shaving gel into his hands, and smeared it over her head. Ryan got her to sit on one of the lower levels on the bench, and she left a damp arse print behind when she moved. ‘This isn’t real…It can’t be.’ she said. ‘I’m going to wake up, and this is going to be a dream…’
He unpacked the razor. ‘You know what they say – pinch yourself and if you don’t wake up, it’s real.’ Ryan reached down and pinched one of her nipples.
Shanice jumped in her seat. ‘Fuck off!’ She slapped her hand over the now red nipple. ‘You’re pushing your luck, mate.’
Leaving her nursing her pinched tit, Ryan made the first stroke of the razor. The sauna had been a good shout. Effortlessly, the razor slid through the stubble, exposing the pale scalp under it.
‘That feels so weird…’ she tensed her shoulders. ‘I bet you’re loving this aren’t you?’
‘Loving it as much as you’re hating it, my sweet.’
As more and more bare scalp was revealed, she started to shine under the lights. When he’d been over the chrome dome once, he ran his hand over her again.
Still a bit patchy.
‘Can’t you let me go now? I mean, you’ve shaved my fucking head once.’ She said as he applied the second coat of shave gel. ‘You’re gonna give me razor burn…That’s gonna look nice, isn’t it?’
‘You want a rough, patchy shave, or an even one?’ Ryan began shaving against the grain now, shaving the patches he missed and going closer to the skin.
‘I don’t give a shit, Ryan. I’m bald.’
‘Tell you what though, you won’t have to worry about me calling you Blondie anymore. I’ll start calling you Baldie.’
Shanice didn’t have a retort for that. That was when Ryan realised she was crying. He stopped the teasing at that point.
When he was satisfied that her head was completely bald, he stood up and opened the door, starting to feel the heat getting to him.
Shanice’s eye make up was running badly, and he didn’t know if it was from tears or sweat.
‘Alright then darling, the ordeal is over. Up you get.’
She sniffed as she stood up, stepping back to the poolside. Now a sweaty, bald mess, he noticed beads of sweat running off her head. It was bright white against the rest of her, going pink with the heat.
‘You’re horrible. You’re so horrible. Can’t believe I let you do this.’ She was careful to cover up her nipples as she passed, wary of getting them pinched again.
‘Chin up, Baldie. At least you won’t do porridge now.’
Shanice ran her hands over bald head, slick with sweat and shaving gel remnants.
‘Looks like you need to cool off, and rinse off that bonce. Bend down again for us.’
She huffed. ‘Ryan, you’ve seen my tits and arse, you’ve seen my fanny, you’ve made me do naked aerobics with strangers watching and now you’ve shaved my head.’ She kept running her hands over it. ‘So, no, fuck off.’ She looked down sadly at a strand of her hair floating past.
‘You want me to make my phone call after all that? Come on, last thing, then we’re even.’
‘I hate you. I actually hate you now.’ She sat by the pool again, and Ryan dunked her bald head in the water briefly. Wet, it shined like she never even had hair to start with. She gasped as he splashed her with some more chlorinated water to get the last trace of gel off.
‘All done!’ He said cheerfully. ‘You took it like a champ, Baldie!’
For a few moments, she was quiet. Touching her head, pulling her scalp around with her fingers. She got up, slowly, one hand still on her head. ‘That feels gross. What the hell are people going to say?’
‘Well, I did say it was your turn to be an object of ridicule. Now, there’s just one more little thing I want from you.’
‘Ryan, really…Fuck…Off. You said this was the last thing.’ Her make up was mostly gone now. Her “dramatic” features were starting to look like “ugly” features.
‘Keep your hair on -’
That quip earned him a death stare.
‘All I want, is for you to turn up next week, like normal.’
‘That’s all you want?’
‘No swim cap.’
Shanice gnashed her teeth. ‘I’m going to look like I’ve had chemo. OK. That is IT. Any other weird shit you make me do, I’m calling the police. You need locking up.’
‘Deal.’ Ryan gave her the keys back.
Shanice, doing her best to cover up looked left and right, and found the park empty. She sprinted across the car park, holding everything in with her hands, hoping to god nobody was going to see her naked and bald.
Unlocking her car as soon as she was in range, she dived inside. Her bare arse arse squeaked on the leather seat as she got settled.
She was shaking as she turned the engine on. Did this really happen? She looked in the rear view mirror at the hideous bald troll looking back at her. And to think once, she thought she was pretty.
Wanting to warm herself up she turned on the heated seats then scrubbed the remaining make up off with baby wipes she kept in the door pocket.
As she drove out, boobs squashed under the seatbelt Shance caught sight of Ryan walking out of the leisure centre, giving her a cheery wave.
She flipped him off as she sped out of the car park.
