“You don’t need to look pretty, you’re just a Mum” – Sabina goes bald for a video game

Still warm from the shower and wrapped in a towel, Sabina knocked on her son’s bedroom door.

‘Luke! I’m getting dressed and doing my hair, then you better be ready.’ All she could hear was the sounds from the stupid video game he was obsessed with. ‘Luke!’ she shouted.

‘What, Muuuuum?’ He called back in a pained voice.

‘We’re going. 20 minutes. Get ready.’

‘Can I finish my level?’

‘Yes.’ She shouted through the door. ‘If you can finish it in 20 minutes.’ Those tech firms sure knew how to keep kids hooked, she thought.

Sabina went through her drawers and picked out an outfit for today. Nothing fancy, she was only going to the shops.

She might have been the wrong side of 40, but she was still proud that she could fit into skinny jeans without looking fat. One of her co-workers said, with more than a hint of envy that “Polish women age differently to British ones”, whatever that meant.

Once dressed, she checked her watch. Luke had 15 minutes now.

Next, she dried her hair. Right now it was a sort of reddish copper colour, reaching her shoulders. Sabina could never settle for one colour. Everytime she changed it, she said she loved it, and would keep it that way, but this year she had been through blonde, ginger, black and now her current colour.

With it dried and smelling of her fruity shampoo, she pulled it into a tight ponytail. He’d had his 15 minutes.

‘Luke! Come on!’

Eventually he dragged himself into her bedroom, glued to his phone. All Sabina heard was the sound of lasers and CGI explosions. She sighed. She was getting so fed up with this.

‘Mum, my respect level has gone up! I’m on level 8, and the highest you can go is 11.’ He came and sat down next to her on the bed and showed her the screen, where his character was shooting other characters with a plasma cannon on what looked like a cartoony spaceship.

‘Good, I’m pleased for you. Now put the phone away. Blaster will be there when you get back.’

‘But Mum, I’m having fun!’

‘You can have fun later, come on.’

‘But it’s half term.’ He whined.

Don’t I know it, she thought to herself. She’d taken a week off to be home for it, and two days in she was already sick to death of hearing about Blaster.

In the car, Luke sat in the back, still playing Blaster.

‘Luke. Turn that down.’

‘But I need to hear -’

‘Don’t answer back!’ she snapped. ‘Just do it! I can’t even hear the radio.’ It was one of those annoying commercial stations where the presenters were overflowing with their own egos, but the music was good.

Grizzling to himself, Luke turned it down, leaving Sabina with a blissful Blaster-free few minutes, that was until the radio DJ mentioned it.

This was ridiculous. It was inescapable.

“Welcome back, you’re listening to Mark Smart, with you all the way until 1pm, we’ve got new music, old music and everything in between today! Now, if you’ve just joined us, any Mums listening in need to hear this. Central FM is ready to make three Mums very popular this half term, so if you’ve got kids in the car, or stuck at home driving you up the wall, you need to hear this,”

Sabina noticed Luke prize his eyes away from the phone briefly as he looked up.

“Now I don’t think there is a parent left who hasn’t heard about Blaster,”

She groaned, reaching the dial. ‘Oh, for God’s sake!’

‘Mum no! What’s he saying?’

“We have four vouchers loaded with 100,000 Blast Bills. Now if you don’t know already, Blast Bills is the currency in Blaster, and each voucher is worth the equivalent of a huge £1,000.”

Luke gasped. ‘Mum! Mum! Enter the competition!’

“If you want to claim those Blast Bills for your son or daughter, it’s easy. All you need to do, is drop into reception,”

A female presenter interrupted him. “Mark, you make it sound like it’s easy!”

“Well, it is easy Zoe. Because the first three Mums who are willing to come into our studio and get their heads shaved, will be going home with the vouchers.”

Luke’s eyes widened, but Sabina immediately shut him down. ‘Luke. No.’

‘But Mum, that’s loads of money, I can get the really expensive skins, the premium cannons, I can win everytime, my respect level will be huge!’ He babbled, out of control.

‘Luke,’ Sabina was raising her voice. ‘I said no. That’s it. The end. Not going to happen.’

‘But it’s just hair.’ He grumbled.

‘Yes, maybe to you, but a woman’s hair is important to her, Luke. You don’t get to just shave it all off.’

‘You had short hair before though.’

‘Yes,’ she took her eyes off the road for a moment to look at him. ‘Short, but not bald! If you think I’m going bald for you Luke, you’re crazy. So stop it.’

Luke let it go, for just a few seconds. Then a reply bubbled to the surface. ‘You’re so unfair.’

‘Unfair?’ Sabina said, pulling into the supermarket car park. ‘So what do I get, hmm?’

‘A really happy son?’

She glared at him in the rear view mirror. ‘With a sad Mum.’

‘It’ll grow back!’

‘Yes. In years.’ She said as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

‘So?’ Luke said, quietly.

‘So it’s not happening.’ Sabina got out and slammed her door, the sound echoing around the concrete. Luke stayed in the back, a thunderous look on his face. She had to stamp this out, now. 

Inside, she snatched a trolley and stalked down the aisles, Luke dragging his feet behind her.

‘So… have you thought about it yet?’ Luke asked in the cereal aisle.

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘You’d be the coolest mum in the school, you know that?’ He trotted to keep up. ‘Literally the coolest. Ever.’

‘And I’d be the baldest mum at work,’ she retorted, tossing a box of muesli into the trolley with more force than necessary.

‘Please Mum, I’ll be really good. I’ll eat vegtables. Even courgettes. Raw, if you want.’

‘We’re not talking about this is in Tesco, Luke.’

‘But it’s just hair. You don’t even do anything with it, you just tie it up.’

‘That’s not the point.’

He rushed in front of the trolly, facing her, walking backwards. ‘But think about how funny you’ll look. Like an egg with a face. But in a cool way.’

A woman picking out some porridge gave them an odd look.

‘Luke. You’ve said your bit. Now leave it.’ Sabina’s voice was taking on a warning tone.

‘I‘ll even clean the toilet. And I’ll cut the grass. I’ll wash the car?‘

Sabina imagined herself walking down this same aisle, scalp gleaming under the supermarket lights. People would stare. Probably think she was some weirdo or had lost a bet or gotten ill. A hot prickle of shame started at her collarbones. She pushed past Luke.

‘Please, Mum? It’s not a big deal. Why won’t you do one nice thing for me?’ He said it, loud enough for an old man over by the biscuits to glance over, a frown creasing his brow.

Sabina stiffened, smiled tightly when she caught his eye and, pushed the trolley a little faster. She hated Luke in that moment, the radio station and the makers of that bloody game. A woman’s hair should never be up for debate!

‘You’re always telling me to be generous,’ Luke continued, relentless, like a small dog nipping at her heels. ‘Well this is you being generous for once.’

‘Stop it.’

‘Hair does grow back. You’re not losing anything, really.’

‘Luke, you are really starting to annoy me. My hair is not going anywhere, OK?’

‘I’ll make you a deal. What if I don’t get anything for Chirstmas? You and Dad can spent it on yourself!’

‘Luke, I am warning you,’ Sabine’s teeth were on edge. ‘Be quiet. Drop it. Right now.’

‘And then what?’

‘You’re grounded, boy.’

‘That’s fine, I’ll play Blaster.’

‘I’ll take your phone away.’

‘That’s against my human rights.’

Sabine felt the fuse in her start to burn closer to the end. She took a different tact. ‘Go and get some toilet roll.’

Soon they were in the shampoo isle. She scanned the bottles. Shine. Strengh. Rejeuvinate. Revive. She normally enjoyed this part, picking something out which made her feel looked after.

Meanwhile Luke was still talking. ‘Seriously, Mum. You’d be a hero. A cool Mum, for real. Not like when you dance in the kicthen, I mean actually cool.

Then he said it.

‘And people would notice you.’

She knew he wasn’t being cruel, that he didn’t mean to hurt her, but that one hit too close to home. Sabine was invisible. Just another Mum.

She walked past the shampoo bottles. What was she holding onto?

For a while, Luke stopped pestering her about it. She thought he’d finally moved on when she loaded the shopping onto the conveyer, until he started to annoy the old lady working on the check out.

‘Excuse me,’ he said to her leaning over into her space. ‘Do you have any kids?’

She chuckled. ‘I do,’ said the jolly old lady. ‘Three kids and seven grandchildren, my oldest is-‘

‘If they wanted something really, really, really, really, really, really, really badly and if you shaved off all of your hair they would get it would you do it?’

The old woman seemed to find this amusing. ‘Of course I would, I don’t mind looking a bit silly! If it makes them happy, I’m happy.’ she looked over at Sabine who was now seething. ‘They do catch you out with some odd questions at this age don’t they?’

Something in Sabine snapped. ‘Right.’ She stormed over to Luke. ‘We’re going.’ She grabbed his hand and romped away from the shopping, leaving it un-bought. Luke staggered behind her. ‘You want a bald Mum? You want me to look hilarious? Like a joke? Ugly? Fine. I’ll do it.’

‘Yay!’ Luke was now moving quicker than Sabina, jumping and skipping ahead, pulling her along.

In the car park she threw the car’s door open. ‘In.’ She barked, slamming it shut after him. Tyre screeching out of the car park before he was even belted in, the radio finished playing an old Motown song and Mark Smart was speaking again.

“Just a reminder, we are still looking for a brave Mum to shave her head! Is this you? You know where to fine us, I’ll give you that address again -“

‘That’s you Mum!’ Luke was bouncing around in the back with unbridled joy.

‘Shut up, Luke.’ She floored the throttle and banged the gearbox into gear as if she was trying to beat the car up. ‘You better hope Dad likes this look as much as you do.’

‘Well I don’t know if I’ll like the look,’ he said breezily, ‘But I’ll like the Blast Bucks.’

Ten minutes she pulled into the radio station’s car park. ‘Out.’ She ordered.

Inside the reception, Sabina tried to compose herself. ‘Hi, I’m here to see Mark Smart. My son, Luke…wants me to shave my head.’

‘Ah yes!’ The receptionist’s smile was a little too wide. ‘You’re the second one to arrive! I’ll just let them know you’re here.’ She pressed a button on her phone. ‘Hi we’ve got a second one here now…Okay…Okay, yes, I’ll send them in.’ She hung up and pointed down the hallway. ‘Just through there. Studio two. Good luck!’

Luke was practically running down the corridor, but Sabina lagged behind. Her reflection in the glass of a framed platinum album showed her a ghost. She smoothed her copper ponytail, a last, futile caress.

Inside, the studio cables snaked across the floor, a window overlooked the and it made her feel small.

A crappy plastic chair was set up with a microphone boom over it, and a goth looking tattooed woman was slouching in a chair in the corner. Mark Smart, a man with teeth so white they seemed to hum, was leaning over the mixing desk.

‘There she is! The second contender! And this must be Luke, our gaming guru!’ He beamed at them. ‘Alright, Luke? Ready to be rich? Blaster rich that is?’

‘Yeah!’ He jumped up and down on the spot.

‘You can probably just about hear Luke, but I can tell you he’s very excited looking – and Mum, why don’t you take a seat.’

Sabina settled into the chair, behind the microphone. It was all happening so quickly.

‘OK,’ Mark began. ‘What’s your name – apart from Mum?’

‘Sabina.’ She said sourly.

‘Alright, why don’t you tell us about yourself Sabina?’

‘There’s not much to tell.’ She said, trying to look anywhere but at her own reflection in the studio window, or at Luke who was now talking to the tattooed woman.

‘Don’t be shy, Sabina! Let’s get to know you! What do you do?’

‘I work for the council. In admin. And Luke…Luke plays video games. One in particular.’

Mark Smart laughed into the mic. ‘Alright, so we’ve got one council admin turned hero! We’ve got a very happy Luke who is about to become one of the richest players on the entire platform!’

The tattooed woman came and stood by Sabina, clippers in her hand. She had a towering black beehive, a silver stud through her lip, and full sleeves of intricate, dark tattoos that snaked down to her wrists.

‘This is Bea,’ Mark announced. ‘Our resident barber. She’s shaved a few heads in her time, haven’t you Bea?’

‘A few.’ A small, cruel smile played on her lips. ‘Always a pleasure.’

Bea ran her fingers through Sabina’s ponytail. ‘Nice colour. A shame to see it go.’ Her tone wasn’t sympathetic.

‘Now you must really love Luke, Sabina,’ Mark said, ‘It’s a big thing you’re doing isn’t it?’

‘Yep.’ Sabina managed, her throat dry.

‘And what do you say to our listeners who might think you’re a bit mad for this?’

‘I say,’ Sabine began, the words catching. ‘I say I just want my son to be happy.’ She risked a glance at Luke. He was beaming, nodding at her. The sight didn’t warm her. It made her feel cold.

‘Well, he’ll be ecstatic! And let’s not forget, we still have one more spot for one more mum. The lines are still open, folks! But for now… Bea, if you’re ready. Let’s get to work! The Mark Smart barbershop is now go! Bea, how is this going to go down? Are you taking the ponytail off first? How are you going to tackle this? Paint a picture for those who don’t have the benefit of a webcam.’

‘Well Mark,’ Bea’s voice was a low purr. ‘First, I’m going to take this lovely, long tail right off. See? A little snip and it’s a souvenir for Luke.’ She grabbed the ponytail at the base and held it out. In her other hand, she produced a pair of silver scissors that glinted under the studio lights. Sabine flinched as the blades met her ponytail, just above her hair tie.

Sccccchhhhhrunch.

Sabina felt the blades chew through it and some of the tension leave as the scissors sliced through it. There was a strange lightness at the back of her head, like a phantom limb, when she felt the closing of the blades. Her hair was now a dead thing in Bea’s hand. She handed the ponytail to Luke, who stared at it as if it were a sacred relic.

‘Whoa,’ Mark breathed into the microphone. ‘There it goes. We are live in the studio as the first snip is made! Are you watching on the webcam, folks? Are you listening to this? Sabina, how does that feel?’

‘Weird,’ she said, her voice a stranger’s.

‘Luke?’ Mark turned the mic towards him.

‘Awesome! Thanks Mum!’

Mark laughed. ‘One happy kid in the studio today. So Sabina, how do you feel? Think you’ll rock the bald look or not?’

‘No.’ She grunted. ‘I’ll look horrible.’

‘It’s OK,’ Luke chirped. ‘You don’t need to be pretty, you’re just a Mum.’

‘Oh, thanks Luke.’ She said sarcastically. ‘You really know how to make a woman feel better.’

Bea stepped back, admiring her work. The copper ponytail was gone, leaving a jagged, uneven bob. ‘Alright, Mum,’ she said, the words dripping with a kind of theatrical pity. ‘Let’s get serious.’

She flicked a switch on the clippers. They buzzed to life and the sound was somehow invasive to Sabine’s ears.

‘Bea, for the listeners who can’t see,’ Mark was saying, his voice a smooth counterpoint to the clippers raw buzzing, ‘What’s happening now?’

‘Now, we get rid of the rest.’ Bea’s fingers were surprisingly cool as they tilted Sabina’s head forward. The cold steel of the clippers touched the nape of her neck. She jumped.

‘Just relax,’ Bea murmured, a smirk in her voice. ‘This’ll be over before you know it.’

The clippers roared up the back of her scalp. Sabina screwed her face up. ‘You better be greatful Luke! I never want to hear you complain again!’

They sounded strained as they mawed at Sabine’s hair. The copper hair fell away in big chunks, and Sabine felt bits of hair goes down her t-shirt. Luke was watching with morbid facination.

‘Does it tickle?’ Luke asked, leaning in close. In just a few swipes the back of her head was shaved down to stubble, which was her natural dark brown.

‘No,’ Sabina gritted out. ‘It doesn’t tickle. It feels awful.’

‘It looks so cool though,’ Luke said, as Bea began to clear the sides. ‘Like, really different.’

‘Glad one of us is enjoying this,’ her knuckles white where she gripped the arms of the plastic chair. She could feel the stares of the people watching on webcam. They were pitying her and laughing at her.

Then, as Bea sheared away the hair around her left ear, Luke delivered another blow. ‘It’s not that bad, Mum—your hair will grow back. Eventually.’

Sabina flinched, more from the words than the clippers. Eventually.

‘You might just have to have short hair for a few years Mum.’

‘Oh, bless him,’ Mark chuckled into the mic. ‘Out of the mouths of babes! The truth from Luke! What do you reckon to that, Sabine?’

‘Just… get on with it,’ she said, her voice tight.

Luke, oblivious, leaned in again. ‘Mum you’ve got a mole on your head…Ewwww!’

Bea smirked. ‘Mark – what do you think? The right side or the top first?’

‘Well, I’m not a scholar of these things. Luke – I’m leaving that choice with you buddy. What’s it to be?’ Mark said, milking moment.

Luke seemed to give this serious consideration. ‘The top.’ He decided.

‘Your wish is my command,’ Bea said, plunging the clippers right into the centre of Sabina’s head. There was a loud, buzzing, but less strained than before, and a thick clump of her hair fell away. Another strip of her scalp was exposed. Then another. The clippers bit into her hair, and her reflection in the studio window became even more alien. A strange, pale shape was emerging from under the copper.

‘Look Mum!’ Luke pointed. ‘I can see loads of your head now.’

‘That is the general idea when you shave someone’s head, Luke,’ Mark said. ‘We’re witnessing a real transformation here, folks! Luke, do you even think this still looks like Mum?’

‘Hmmm…Not really.’ Luke distractedly played with his Mum’s severed ponytail.

A hot wave of nausea washed over Sabina. This wasn’t a transformation, it was an amputation. With the top gone, the pile on the floor was getting big.

Bea pushed her hair to one side, and started to take away the last of the copper hair. ‘I like your crystal stud earrings…’ She purred. ‘Now everyone can see them.’

The last bit of hair gone, Bea then scrubbed the clippers around Sabina’s head, shearing away dark stubble, taking her closer to the skin. ‘At least your head isn’t weird shape.’ she said.

Sabina’s knuckles ached from gripping the chair. ‘Well that’s a relief.’ She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘I’d hate to have a weirdly shaped bald head on top of everything else.’

Luke looked up from the ponytail. ‘You can wear a hat or something so people don’t stare.’

Mark chuckled. ‘See, Luke’s got your back, Sabina! He’s thinking about the practicalities!’

The clippers were getting hot, and the scratching sensation was starting to hurt. Sabine had no idea what to expect, and it was never something she imagined she would have to feel.

Bea turned the clippers off. The sudden silence was worse. ‘All done with the clippers,’ she announced. ‘Time for the actual shave now.’ She produced a can of shaving foam and a razor.

Sabina’s head snapped up. ‘Wait, you’re shaving it with a razor? You didn’t say anything about a razor.’

‘Got to get the look, haven’t we?’ Mark said smoothly. ‘The whole nine yards. A proper, Grade 0, head-shave for a premium 100k in Blast Bucks!’

‘No,’ Sabina said, her voice shaking. ‘No, this is enough. I’m bald. Give him the voucher.’

‘Ah, ah, ah,’ Mark wagged a finger at her. ‘We said on the radio, you had to SHAVE your head. Right now you are BUZZED, OK?’

Bea pressed on with squirting shaving cream onto Sabine’s head.

‘That’s cold! Jesus!’

Luke chuckled.

‘Glad you find it funny, Luke. I’ll remember that this is funny.’

‘Look Mum, she’s using the same razor you use on your legs, the pink one with Venus written on it.’

For some reason this made Mark and Bea laugh.

‘Well, I think it’s time for a little music – I think,’ Mark paused to chuckle. ‘There’s only one song we can play, really isn’t there? It’s Bananarama, with Venus.’

As the song played on, Bea dragged the razor down the middle of her head. Sabine scrunched her eyes shut. ‘That’s so weird! Ugh, Luke, I hope you’re happy you little…Ugh!’ She tensed, hating every second of feeling the razor over her scalp, where just minutes before her hair had been.

‘You look like a proper alien now, Mum.’ Luke said, as Bea made a second pass. ‘Like one of the ones from level 5. You look really… smooth.’

‘I’m so glad I meet your approval, Luke.’

‘But you don’t have to dye it to hide the grey anymore, right?’ he said, a bright, innocent observation that landed like a punch to Sabine’s gut.

Mark guffawed. ‘He’s not wrong, Sabina! A silver fox! Or a silver… egg!’

‘You’re always saying you want to try something different,’ Luke added, trying to be helpful.

Sabina didn’t answer. She was too angry. The anger wasn’t directed at Luke, not entirely. It was at Mark, at the game, at this whole stupid situation. Mostly, it was at herself for letting it get this far.

‘You’re already old, so it’s not like it matters as much,’ Luke said, examining her head as Bea carried on wet shaving his Mum.

Sabina felt her entire body go rigid. A coldness spread through her, originating from her freshly exposed scalp.

By the time the song had finished, she was half shaved, blobs of shaving cream on a pale, greyish, shiny scalp.

‘Welcome back,’ Mark said. ‘We have a nearly bald Sabina here. Those looking at the webcam will know what I mean, but if you’ve missed the action, we’ll post the whole thing on our Facebook page!’ He paused for effect. ‘And we’ve still got one voucher left. Who’s going to be our third Mum?’

A fresh wave of nausea churned in Sabina’s stomach. The thought of her face, contorted in disgust and humiliation, immortalised online, was almost too much to bear.

Luke was oblivious, still twisting the dead ponytail in his hands. ‘Can I keep this?’ he asked Bea.

‘Sure thing, my angel,’ Bea said, her smile tight. ‘A souvenir from the day your Mum did something really cool for you.’

‘I’m going to show it to everyone at school.’

‘No, you’re not,’ Sabina snapped, her voice strained. ‘You’re putting it in the bin.’

‘But why?’ Luke whined. ‘It’s your hair!’

‘It’s not my hair anymore,’ Sabina said. ‘It’s trash now.‘

Bea made the last pass with the razor, wiping away the final remnants of foam and hair.

‘Mum, your face is darker than your head.’

Bea laughed. ‘That’s not a tan line anybody wants.’

‘Can I touch your head Mum?’ Luke asked, as Bea wiped Sabina’s head with a towel.

‘No.’

‘Please?’ he whined.

‘No. I’m not a freak in a circus, Luke. Stop treating me like one.’

‘Well, there we have it!’ Mark said into the microphone. ‘Our second newly shorn Mum! And what do we have for her? A voucher for 100,000 Blast Bucks! Luke, you are one lucky boy!’ He passed the voucher over the mixing desk to Luke.

Luke was now holding the voucher as if it was a winning lottery ticket. ‘Wow,’ he breathed.

‘And just a reminder,’ Mark continued, ‘We still have one more spot for one more brave mum. The lines are still open. Who’s going to be our third Mum?’

Bea held a mirror up to Sabina. She tried not to look. But she couldn’t help it. She saw a pale, shiny scalp, a few moles like Luke had pointed out and her own face, stripped of its frame. Her ears stuck out. Her forehead seemed huge. All her feminimity was gone, and she didn’t appreciate just how much her hair had done for her. She looked older, plainer, ill.

‘You’re all done,’ Bea said.

Sabina stood up, her head feeling strangely light, the air conditioning in the studio a sudden, intimate caress on her bare skin. She touched it. It felt…waxy?

‘Mum, you’ve touched it, can I touch it?’

This made Mark laugh. ‘Go on Mum, let him touch your bald head!’ He egged him on.

Reluctantly, she bowed her head, and Luke’s warm, sticky palm flattened against her scalp.

‘Whoa! That is so weird!’ he squealed, rubbing it back and forth.

‘Stop it!’ she said, swatting his hand away. A hot blush crept up her neck, a blush she knew would be painfully visible without any hair to hide it.

‘Now Bea is ready with the camera, she’s going to get some after pictures of Sabine for you all to see online…’

With a fake smile, Sabine posed with who was Mark giving two thumbs up like The Fonz behind them while Luke stood with the ponytail in one hand and the Blast Bucks in the other.

‘One more, Luke this time, just you and Mum. I’m sure you’ll want to remember this day!’

‘We should take a selfie!’ Luke said. ‘I’ll post it to my Blaster profile. Everyone will see how cool you are.’

‘Luke. No,’ Sabina said, her voice dangerously low. She kept her smile fixed for the camera.

‘Why not?’ he whined. ‘You look cool!’

‘Luke,’ Mark said, winking at Sabine. ‘Your mum might need a bit of time to get used to her new look. Maybe give her a day or two before she becomes a social media star, eh? Luke, Sabine, thank you so much for coming in. Sabine – enjoy your new look, and Luke, enjoy the Blast Bucks. I’m gonna play you some Michael Jackson, and then we’re onto the news.’

They were finally free. As they walked out of the studio and back down the corridor, Sabina found herself trying to tuck a non-existent strand of hair behind her ear. Her fingers met only naked skin, and she flushed, dropping her hand to her side. She was forgetting it was gone, even though it was obvious she had no hair.

Luke, on the other hand, was practically levitating. He was a few feet ahead of her, already chattering about the premium cannons and limited-edition skins he could finally afford.

On the way out to the car, he twirled her ponytail over his head, skipping all the way to it.

‘You really want to rub it in, don’t you?’ She saw herself in the rear view mirror and cringed. Sabine looked at her scalp up close, seeing the individual follicles which were just visible to the naked eye. She massaged her head with her fingers as if willing it to grow back. ‘Oh my God this is horrible.’

He ignored her. ‘I’m going to get the Shadow Striker armour, and the Nebula Cannon, and maybe even the Galactic Shield if I have enough left over. I’ll be practically invincible! No one will be able to beat me!’

He was so euphoric, so caught up in the game, that he seemed to have forgotten, or maybe never even understood, what she had sacrificed.

‘Mum, can we stop at the supermarket? I want to show the old lady from the checkout the livestream clip.’

‘No, Luke. We are not stopping anywhere.’

‘Why not?’ he whined. ‘She’ll be so impressed!’

‘Because,’ she said, her voice dangerously low, ‘we are not drawing any more attention to the fact that your mother just got her head shaved on the radio for a video game.’

‘But it’s cool!’

Sabina did not reply. She just gripped the steering wheel, her knuckles white. The car felt like a cage, and she was trapped inside with her tormentor.

‘You look more nervous now than when you had your driving test.’ He said to her, breaking the silence.

‘I am more nervous, Luke. Because tomorrow I have to face the people at work looking like this.’ She lightly slapped her own head as they pulled out of the car park.

It made a quiet splatting sound.

Eventually he settled down, lost interest in the ponytail, dropping in the footwell and looked at the voucher.

‘You know,’ Luke said, finally breaking the quiet, ‘You look ugly, but not like, really ugly. Just a bit. Mum? Are you crying?’

‘No,’ she snapped, wiping furiously at her cheek with the back of her hand. ‘I’ve got something in my eye.’

Waiting at a set of traffic lights, Sabina caught sight of herself in the rearview mirror again. She could see the faint, bluish network of veins just under the skin of her temples. Instinctively, her hand came up again, fingers trying to smooth down hair that wasn’t there.

‘What are you doing?’ Luke asked, leaning forward.

‘Nothing,’ she said, yanking her hand down. Sabine was certain a group of teenagers walking past were looking at her. She didn’t want to know what they were thinking.

The lights changed and the car lurched forward. ‘You keep touching it,’ he observed. ‘Does it hurt?’

‘It’s… sensitive,’ she managed. ‘Like when you’ve had a graze.’

‘Can I touch it again?’ He reached a hand forward.

‘No, Luke!’ she flinched away from him, swatting at the air. ‘Just leave it alone.’

When she pulled up on the drive, she glanced around to make sure nobody else was around. Sooner or later the other people in the street would have to know, but not right now.

Sabina unlocked the front door, and Luke rushed inside, clutching the voucher. She ducked back outside, and rescued her ponytail from the car‘s footwell. For a moment she looked at it, the familiar, vibrant copper. She was about to throw it in the outdoor bin when she hesitated. It didn’t belong with potato peelings and old teabags. With a sigh of resignation, she took it inside with her.

‘Mum, I’m gonna put the code in.’

‘OK, do it.’ She mumbled.

The hallway was narrow, lined with family photos. A smiling Sabina with a full head of dark hair at her wedding. Her and Luke, a toddler with chubby fists gripping her long, blonde hair. More recently, her with a sleek black bob, with Alex, Luke’s Dad. Each photo was a little stab.

And fuck. What was she going to Alex? How was he going to react to having a bald wife?

She went to hang up her coat, catching herself in the large, oval mirror that hung above the little telephone table. And there it was. Not a quick, horrified glance in the studio, but a full, unavoidable reflection of herself.

The woman staring back was a stranger. Her face seemed harsher, her eyes smaller. She looked like a peasant or a cancer patient. Sabina turned her head to the side, a pathetic, reflexive gesture to see if there was a better angle. There wasn’t. The shape of her head was all wrong, a lumpy, unfamiliar ovoid.

‘YES!’ Luke’s shriek of pure, unadulterated joy cut through her self-flagellation. ‘MUM! I’M IN! I’M LOADED!’

She abandoned the mirror, the stranger in it, and walked into the kitchen. ‘Great.’

‘I just bought the Nebula Cannon! Look! LOOK!’ He was showing her the screen, his avatar now holding a weapon that pulsated with violet energy. He didn’t look at her. Not a single glance at her new, awful reality. The transaction was complete.

Sabina leaned against the counter, her fingers tracing the unfamiliar terrain of her scalp. It was smooth, but with a texture, like fine-grain sandpaper. The kitchen was warm, but she felt a constant coolness. It was still tingling.

Luke was frantically tapping the screen. ‘Now I need to message the guys. They won’t believe this.‘

‘Luke,’ she said, her voice barely a whisper. He didn’t hear her, lost in the digital world he now ruled. ‘Luke.’

‘Hang on, Mum, gotta message Tom back. He thinks I’m lying.’

‘Luke, look at me.’

He finally tore his eyes away from the screen, glanced up at her face for a split second. ‘Yeah? Cool, right?’ He gestured vaguely with the phone before his gaze was sucked back to it. His thumbs were a blur. ‘I’m getting the Shadow Armour next. You get a 15% speed boost.’

She stood there, watching him blank her. The ponytail lay on the worktop, a copper serpent, dead and limp. An event of huge significance had happened to her, and in here, with her brat, it was less important than a virtual speed boost.

‘I’m going to have a shower,’ she said, to no one in particular.

‘Cool,’ Luke replied, not looking up. ‘Dinner’s at six, right? Can we have pizza?’

***

The water was hot, almost scalding, and she let it pound against her shoulders. She tilted her head back, bracing for the familiar sensation of water streaming through her hair, the heavy, warm cascade down her back. It never came. The water hit her scalp with a sharp, percussive force she felt in her skull. It was shocking, unpleasant and made her feel more bare.

The routine of washing her hair was gone. She reached for the shampoo bottle, its fruity scent a comfort she no longer could enjoy. Her hand hovered, then dropped to her side. She grabbed the shower gel instead, its scent a generic, marine blue. The gel was slick on her head, an alien feeling. She massaged her scalp with the pads of her fingers, the skin still feeling sensitive, tight. She found a mole she never knew she had, a small bump on her crown. She rinsed, the water sluicing over the curves and dips of her skull, no longer slowed by a single strand.

Towel drying her bare head was a new experience. She walked back to the bedroom without a towel wrapped round her head like normal, hearing the sounds of Blaster as she passed Luke’s room. As she got dressed in her bedroom she noticed her phone flashing with a notification: Facebook. Dread pricked at her. Facebook. Her profile picture. It was from last summer, a day trip to the coast. She was smiling, the wind whipping her newly-blonde hair across her face. It was a lie. The woman she was now, wasn’t blonde, she had a head like a peeled egg.

She picked up her phone, her thumb hovering over the app. She couldn’t put it off. The longer she left it, the more of a fraud she felt. She propped the phone up on her chest of drawers, angling it to catch the light from the window. The front-facing camera blinked on.

She took a deep breath, held it, and forced a smile. It didn’t reach her eyes. The camera clicked.

She typed out a brief post: “Well this is happened. Luke is a huge fan of Blaster, and when the opportunity came up on the radio to win him some in-game currency, I was pestered and pestered. I don’t want any complaining for a long time now and I think I am now a contender for the world’s best Mum.” The picture went live. A fresh wave of shame washed over her as she watched the little circle spin, uploading her new, disgusting bald picture where she looked like a thumb to the world.

‘Muuuuum!’

‘What Luke?’ She replied wearily, wincing at the facebook post she’d just made.

‘Can I have some more Blast Bucks? I’ve spent them all.’

‘What!’ She exploded. ‘What do you mean you’ve spent them all? It’s 100,000. I’ve literally just been shaved bald. We only got home an hour ago!’ He appeared in the doorway.

‘I know but I had to get the armour, and the cannon, and the shield, and then I got challenged by this guy who had the Death Ray and he killed me, so I had to buy the Phoenix Resurrection thing to come back and get my stuff, and then I had to upgrade my ship’s hull so he couldn’t kill me again and—’

‘Stop!’ She cut him off, her voice trembling with rage. ‘You spent them all? All of them? I look like a fucking lightbulb for minutes of fun for you.’

‘But it’s not minutes of fun! It’s days! It’ll last me ages!’

‘It’s not lasted you very long so far though, has it!’ She shouted.

‘Well that’s because it’s a really good game,’ he said simply. He looked at her, a flicker of something—guilt?—crossing his face. ‘It… it’s a really good deal, Mum.’

She stared at him. The sacrifice was permanent. The hair would take years to grow back. ‘You little b-…’ She stopped herself just in time, instead lapsing into an angry growl. How could she have been this stupid, and let him win? He’d worn her down, played her, with no idea of how big a deal this was for her.

He finally seemed to register her distress. ‘You look… fine,’ he said, the words clumsy and inadequate. He took a step towards her, his hand raised as if to pat her head again, but thought better of it. ‘Honestly. You don’t look that bad.’

‘Get out.’ She pointed to the door. ‘Just get out.’

Confused, he backed away. ‘But… pizza tonight?’

As she googled ways to make hairgrow back quicker, Luke called her again.

‘What, Luke?’ She groaned.

‘Your shave is on YouTube! It’s on a playlist with loads of other women going bald.’

Curiosity got the better of her. She went and found it. Sabina Goes Bald for Blaster on The Mark Smart Show! was the title, with her cringing as Bea cut through her ponytail as the screencap.

There were already five comments.

“So sexy!”

That made her feel a little better. Then:

“Wish I was the one shaving her.” and “Hahahahah she looks so ugly now some women are so stupid”, as well as “The best shave of the year” and the final one made her skin crawl: “shame they didn’t shave everything else lol”.

Was this…a turn on for some people? Sabina went a bit queasy – without meaning to she’d become a weird fetish object on the internet. She felt a dropping sensation in her stomach when she realised just how big the mistake she made was.